Discussion Pay it forward

[SuiSqueeze92]

It seems a lot of people just kill themselves and that's about it. I have an idea... GREAT movie by the way... but I love the idea of "paying it forward". If you know you're going to die and that's it, why not at least try to make someone else feel some worth? What do you have to lose essentially? People come here and bitch that some want YOU to live, and most seem to be very young. I'm sorry but a lot of you haven't even touched the idea of "hard times" most likely. I honestly hate this world because out of everyone that is just going to go kill themselves, why not at least put that energy you bitch about so much into someone else's life before you end your own?

Oh, because people only care about themselves. Nobody even tries anymore... like a true attempt that you don't have to question yourself about. You know your want will end it all, so why isn't that more of a reason to TRY knowing if it fails, you'll just resort to your method and be done with it all anyway.

 

[PrettyMoose]

A lot of people can barely even get out of bed. A lot also have horrible social issues. You're asking a lot out of people who barely have anything to give to their own selves. Not all energy is the same either. It's like when someone judges another for doing something like playing a video game. "Well if they can play a game, why can't they turn their lives around and get a job, partner, and a house?" I dunno, maybe the game is a simple way for them to distract themselves momentarily from this shitty existence that they want no part of, maybe things wouldn't be better for them if they went out and did all of the normie things, besides lots of people who do the normie things end up suiciding anyway so it really isn't all it's cracked up to be in the end.

 

[Pryras]

I get it and while I understand the sentiment, I think when someone is suffering and in the state of mind to want to CTB, the last thing they're worried about is helping others. I do my best and have always gone out of my way to help but when I'm suicidal I'm not thinking about others. People may perceive that as selfish but I think if you're suffering from a world that has caused you pain the last thing on your mind is to give back to it. It's like encouraging someone to live until old age because of all the people they *could* help over the years of their life.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

I've been helping people my whole life for free and it sucks. Now that I'm in a constant state of wanting to CTB I have no energy whatsoever.

 

[_Minsk]

I love that idea to help others, "be the change you wish to see in the world", its a spiritual concept, maybe its working, would be nice to find out

We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do. scr

 

[yetme]

Yeah. I helped others all my life. Run a charity and rised funds for a foster care program. I still ened-up terminally ill, with no money and no one who cares enough even to call. If you feel like helping others, then go ahead and do it.

 

[Slow85]

I help others every single day... or at least when I was at work. I work in mental health services with adults who feel exactly the same as me - I pour my energy into this and yet I am wanting my life to end.

It's a huge drain on me - crippling - so much so I'm not able to work at the moment .

Asking to people to think of others when they feel they have so little to give is a huge ask and in my opinion could lead to further feelings of 'not doing enough ' therefore not being good enough ECT

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

A lot of people can barely even get out of bed. A lot also have horrible social issues. You're asking a lot out of people who barely have anything to give to their own selves. Not all energy is the same either. It's like when someone judges another for doing something like playing a video game. "Well if they can play a game, why can't they turn their lives around and get a job, partner, and a house?" I dunno, maybe the game is a simple way for them to distract themselves momentarily from this shitty existence that they want no part of, maybe things wouldn't be better for them if they went out and did all of the normie things, besides lots of people who do the normie things end up suiciding anyway so it really isn't all it's cracked up to be in the end.

I'm pretty tired of hearing how tired people are and can't get out of bed. If you're physically unable to due to injury or disability, sure. Maybe it was the military, but I was the definition and still am of can't get out of bed... but all you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I walk a mile to work every morning at 4am... talk about FUCK THAT SHIT? Well I still do it... people love to find an excuse and run with it.

 

[artificialpasta]

I'm pretty tired of hearing how tired people are and can't get out of bed. If you're physically unable to due to injury or disability, sure. Maybe it was the military, but I was the definition and still am of can't get out of bed... but all you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I walk a mile to work every morning at 4am... talk about FUCK THAT SHIT? Well I still do it... people love to find an excuse and run with it.

It isn't helpful to invalidate other people's experiences. You think you have it worse? Congratulations. But don't make other people feel bad for feeling shit. You have no idea what's on their minds. Just because it doesn't look like it doesn't mean they aren't trying.

 

[Slow85]

I'm pretty tired of hearing how tired people are and can't get out of bed. If you're physically unable to due to injury or disability, sure. Maybe it was the military, but I was the definition and still am of can't get out of bed... but all you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I walk a mile to work every morning at 4am... talk about FUCK THAT SHIT? Well I still do it... people love to find an excuse and run with it.

Attitudes like this contribute to the stigma around mental health ,the silence of speaking out .
Invalidating others experiences by comparing to your own isn't helpful.

everyone is different. Mental health is real... please don't confuse an illness with an excuse

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

It seems a lot of people just kill themselves and that's about it. I have an idea... GREAT movie by the way... but I love the idea of "paying it forward". If you know you're going to die and that's it, why not at least try to make someone else feel some worth? What do you have to lose essentially? People come here and bitch that some want YOU to live, and most seem to be very young. I'm sorry but a lot of you haven't even touched the idea of "hard times" most likely. I honestly hate this world because out of everyone that is just going to go kill themselves, why not at least put that energy you bitch about so much into someone else's life before you end your own?

Oh, because people only care about themselves. Nobody even tries anymore... like a true attempt that you don't have to question yourself about. You know your want will end it all, so why isn't that more of a reason to TRY knowing if it fails, you'll just resort to your method and be done with it all anyway.

While you're sentiment is not bad and I agree that is important to at least do everything you can to recover/make life meaningful before attempting CTB, the way you worded it is absolutely disrespectful and ignorant. This is a safe place for people to express their feelings, their pain without being judged. You have no idea what is other people experience and circumstances.
It's okay to be frustrated with some posts, but it's not okay to project your opinions on others and make them feel guilty. If you are so keen on helping people, I suggest you start with yourself and gain just a little bit compassion.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

I get y'all a point.. I don't think most get any of mine lol. Most preach motivation to feel okay for being dead already pretty much. I prefer to preach motivation to get UP and fight for your life, I broke my back jumping from airplanes and was highly addicted to drugs and alcohol. I crashed my car into a tree at 65mph. I'm telling you, anyone can do it... i used to stick my glock in my mouth thinking about it, trying to get comfortable with it. Guess what? I'm still here and maybe I'm just insane now... but I was motivated to stop crying about my life so much and to see if I can spark something in others instead.

I don't speak about my life for people to feel bad for me.. it's used as an example of anyone can do it. Don't let your diagnosis define YOU. Define it and own that shit, accept it and try to find the good in what you have.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I get what you say, I really do. Unfortunately i can't look inside someone's head and see or feel their pain.
And therefore, I respect everyone's decision, if they choose to stay or not. Please be a bit more gentle, not everyone fares well by "just getting up ', if it was that simple, this site wasn't needed.

 

[PrettyMoose]

This is a pro-choice site after all. Choose to live or to die, both options will be respected. Going around and kicking people for being depressed and suicidal isn't what this place is about. Many here have already been shit on enough in life and don't need someone coming in here to shit on them some more. Respect the individual's choice to stay or to go, as none of us asked for this life on this hellhole planet anyway so we should each have a say in how our own lives end.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

This is a pro-choice site after all. Choose to live or to die, both options will be respected. Going around and kicking people for being depressed and suicidal isn't what this place is about. Many here have already been shit on enough in life and don't need someone coming in here to shit on them some more. Respect the individual's choice to stay or to go, as none of us asked for this life on this hellhole planet anyway so we should each have a say in how our own lives end.

I'm sorry you see it as such... you're missing the point though. Me giving this type of "love" in person for example got a buddy of mine off cocaine and alcohol. It's like on this forum anything against what is the "norm" is automatically hated and seen as me being a bully.

Go ahead and let this thread die, let the encouragement of doing nothing and not an attempt to try take over. Those views are accepted and praised... but this? Fuck it, hate me... just know I don't care, maybe one person at least saw this and said "you know what, I'm gonna give it a go". Like I said... let your problems define you or not, that's up to people, but it won't help and will only validate the depression people face. Yeah, good idea... choose to be an accessory to end ones life, I choose motivation to do better. Sorry.

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I'm sorry you see it as such... you're missing the point though. Me giving this type of "love" in person for example got a buddy of mine off cocaine and alcohol. It's like on this forum anything against what is the "norm" is automatically hated and seen as me being a bully.

I think you meant well, I do. But you do realise that negative motivation doesn't work for clinically depressed people? When you are on the lowest point of your life, you become very sensitive to "tough love" kind of support (from my experience, not talking for anyone). I am glad it worked for your friend, but there are clear difference between saying that to person you know and strangers on internet.
The road to recovery is very tricky and long. No matter how small is the step forward, it matters (even if it's something as trivial as taking a shower). Both self-pity and guilt are absolutes that should be avoided.

 

[leapyourbar]

...and this ladies and gentleman is exactly how to make somebody already teetering on the edge feel even more worthless than they already do.

Who on earth do you think you are to tell anybody that they have 'most likely not touched hard times'? You have zero insight into what the people on this forum have been through. Just the snippets that they wish to publicly post and that you have personally read. Go take your bullshit and shove it where the sun don't shine.

You have no right to invalidate people's experiences and mask it as giving love. Especially in a place like this.

 

[itsamadworld]

I help others every single day... or at least when I was at work. I work in mental health services with adults who feel exactly the same as me - I pour my energy into this and yet I am wanting my life to end.

It's a huge drain on me - crippling - so much so I'm not able to work at the moment .

Asking to people to think of others when they feel they have so little to give is a huge ask and in my opinion could lead to further feelings of 'not doing enough ' therefore not being good enough ECT

Similar here too....I work in Palliative Care, Home Health, and Hospice for the past 9 years. It is very draining. Plus, I have mental illness myself! My mother once told me that, "maybe if you help people, you'll feel better." But I never did.....I am putting in my two week notice this week.....I am so burnt out/ compassion fatigued. Sometimes one has to help self...I didn't choose to have a 'brain disease' that people deny is real, any more than "age related disorders" happens to my patients.

 

[PrettyMoose]

It's great that you were able to fight and recover, and it's great that you were able to convince one of your friends to try recovery too. There's nothing wrong with that and no one here is saying there is. And the general idea of paying it forward isn't bad. But there are certain elements of your post that come off as lacking empathy, like telling young people that they don't know about hard times. How could you possibly know that? There are many who from a young age are exposed to addiction all around them, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, bullying, people they love dying horrible deaths, getting diseases, so on. Life isn't all easy on the young just because they're young.

You can let your recovery speak for itself and that's fine, but when you use your recovery to bash other people over the head and tell them that their problems don't matter, that's when you've gone too far.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

First, there are Mentally Ill people on SS, such as myself today, going to work to "help people". Though I am putting in my quitting notice this week hooooo- rrah for me, Soldier! But I bet if I were on a Sanctioned Cancer Site, nobody would be virtue signalling those should go to work, to do good deeds.
Sorry bro, I am with the crowd here....Mental Illness is not recognized as a disease, and it should be! A TON of judgments are put on MI people, so why should we have to PAY IT FORWARD to a world that hates us and doesn't recognize us?...That isn't helping anyone, but enforcing that narrative!

I also was in the Military., so I know rules. I liked the military, but that was when I was younger.! I Struggled with mental illness my whole life! ANd it physically wore me down! Yes, I am high functioning intellectually enough to SUFFER SILENTLY (bury my suicide attempts/ med records) , but it is Debilitating and excruciating to put one foot forward everyday! And now, I have decided to live for myself, because I don't need someone to tell me "Buck up Soldier."

Finally, my mom used to say, "Maybe if you get a job helping people, you'll feel better" Well, I have been doing hospice/palliative care for 9 years, and I don't feel better, and never have. Peace.

I never said it wasn't a disease. It is because most are formed from constant shitty environments or actions of others when you're unable to fully grasp what is going on... like being a child. Or hereditary. The world hates me and so do the people in it.. hence why everyone is trying to jump my shit. .. but that's okay.

...and this ladies and gentleman is exactly how to make somebody already teetering on the edge feel even more worthless than they already do.

Who on earth do you think you are to tell anybody that they have 'most likely not touched hard times'? You have zero insight into what the people on this forum have been through. Just the snippets that they wish to publicly post and that you have personally read. Go take your bullshit and shove it where the sun don't shine.

You have no right to invalidate people's experiences and mask it as giving love. Especially in a place like this.

I am who I am, that's who _____ (go ahead and fill in that blank). Sorry I seem to have triggered you... for one to be so self righteous of "don't be an asshole" you sound like one yourself. You also are missing the goddamn point. Choose to see how it you like, but don't come at me like that again. And mask it as giving love? LOL. It's not a mask, behind the cause, there's good intention... you fail to see it.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Why don't help people by donating organs? Like the "Seven pounds" movie

 

[262653]

If you know you're going to die and that's it, why not at least try to make someone else feel some worth? What do you have to lose essentially?

What does one have to gain essentially?

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

What does one have to gain essentially?

Knowing the pain of going through shit and possibly changing someone else's life for the better, having that feeling knowing before you leave for good, maybe that person won't. What if that person came to be someone to cure cancer after the fact? But without words of encouragement, the world wouldn't have that good put back into it if that were the case.

 

[codewarrior]

"It seems a lot of people just kill themselves and that's about it"

So easy to sum up but reality is far different. Sometimes "paying it forward" while you were living becomes the reason for dying.
It's never "that's about it" though.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

"It seems a lot of people just kill themselves and that's about it"

So easy to sum up but reality is far different. Sometimes "paying it forward" while you were living becomes the reason for dying.
It's never "that's about it" though.

Speacilly when the people you help don't give a shit about you

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

This forum has taught me... pro choice is bullshit here because I've seen when people encourage others to not commit suicide on a farewell post and everyone screams PRO CHOICE OMG HELP THEM DIE. That's fucked up because if they're serious... nothing will help anyway. But if not... it may. Have an opinion other than what the "masses" have? Then the hypocrites come and say don't bash people... and then bash me. Try changing someone's view instead to let them see something another way so it'll actually stick with them.

 

[PrettyMoose]

You must have missed the tons of posts where members ask the person if they're sure about their choice, and offer solutions other than death, and offer to take some time to think things through and not rush things. You misunderstand what pro-choice means, it doesn't simply mean pro-death. But go on and keep believing whatever you want, whatever helps your narrow narrative. You have that choice.

 

[TJuk]

Well I'm 27 and have volunteered with various organisations and charities since I was 15 - had to get parents consent as most places want you to be 17/18. Over these years I've helped animals that are in rescue centres, walked neighbours dogs who weren't able to due to age or illness, gardening for elderly or disabled people, volunteered for the samartins for 3 years, volunteered support for people who have mental illnes, physical illness or both, or learning disabilities, ran a youth club, ran a football team and a rugby team for 8- 14 year olds, helped at race and marathons doing marshalling and first aid, ran a social group for people with dementia and Alzheimer's and then another for there carers. Also helped out at a kids homework club. Also volunteered with police, council, probation services to help with mediation, made sure vulnerable people had a responsible person present when at police station and ensured they were ok throughout. I've also helped advocate for people in mental health hospitals. I've also volunteered with young offenders.

I think over all these years it helped me more than any education ever did, my confidence improved alot too. So not all younger people are selfish or negative about the world.

 

[Fragile]

i'm glad that you have such amazing life that you think everyone can just "stop bitching" and help others regardless of their situation or individual life experiences.

did that statement felt somewhat disrespectful and cold? well, that's how your post reads for most of us.

and pro-choice is not helping people die or anything like that, it's just respecting their choice regardless of what it is. i've yet to see anyone encouraging other people to die on this forum.

 

[262653]

Knowing the pain of going through shit and possibly changing someone else's life for the better, having that feeling knowing before you leave for good, maybe that person won't. What if that person came to be someone to cure cancer after the fact? But without words of encouragement, the world wouldn't have that good put back into it if that were the case.

Knowing the pain, improving someone else's life... these gains are for other people, not for the person who tries to help others. Unless the person who tries to help experiencing empathy towards the objects of help... Not everyone does though.