Past Suicide attempt still haunts me

[MydnytSorrow]

When I first moved out of my parent's house and moved in with some friends, I attempted suicide. I was completely calm that night. I left work early, took a long hot shower, and gathered as much medication as possible from our medicine cabinet and individually pushed out every single tablet. I hadn't thought of a single thing (almost like I was on auto pilot). A few minutes later, I felt like I snapped out of it and called my roommate who then called 911. After years of therapy and rehab centers, I still can't help but think "Why did I chicken out?", and "I couldn't even commit suicide right?", or "I wasn't strong enough to even finish this." You can probably imagine my parents' reaction when I bring this up to them. "That's just the devil talking." Why did it feel like I woke up just in time to call for help? I never understood it :(

 

[Worndown]

Welcome to the uninvited guest in our head, Survival Instinct, aka SI.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

Welcome to the uninvited guest in our head, Survival Instinct, aka SI.

"Uninvited guest in our head" is a great way to describe SI! If only it would just stand aside and let us get on with it...

 

[U. A.]

I'm sure you know this by now, but that almost certainly would not have killed you and only landed you a stay in the ICU, or at best the ER. As Worndown said the body wants to stay alive even if the mind may not...

...also hi, nice to see something from you outside the games :3

 

[MydnytSorrow]

I'm sure you know this by now, but that almost certainly would not have killed you and only landed you a stay in the ICU, or at best the ER. As Worndown said the body wants to stay alive even if the mind may not...

...also hi, nice to see something from you outside the games :3

Oh yeah. I definitely learned that it wouldn't have done anything. Just sent to the ER and discharged within 4 hours with a slap on the hand from the doctors and my family.

Also… Hey Hi hello :3