Discussion Passionate about suicide?

[burjeequat]

I was wondering if anyone else here felt the same, like it's what they were meant to do. A lot of bad shit has happened recently, lost my dad to cancer. He was the only person i could confidently call a family member and the only person i could speak to about these sorts of things outside of therapists. I used to always tell myself that as long as he was there, i wouldn't kill myself. Now, i don't really have a reason to stick around anymore. That was two months ago and now i feel like the only thing i can really care about is suicide.

I don't want to drag on more but i have a feeling like everything has been leading up to this moment, like something wants me dead. I was just wondering who all else had these sort of feelings, that death has been their destiny instead of some sort of career, or that something wants them dead.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes. I feel as though I am meant to ctb. I see my existence as a mistake, I should never have been born. It has never felt right me being alive and I am not meant for this world. The only thing I want is to not exist. There is nothing that would ever make me want to live. I do not enjoy anything and life does not interest me at all. Life is boring and tedious and I have always had bad luck. I cannot live and I do not want to. There is no point to this life and no reason to continue.

 

[sfree]

It's very terrible losing a trusted family member.

 

[Beau]

I am sorry about your father. I lost mine to cancer too.

I don't believe in destiny. Life just happens. Sometimes we can control it, sometimes it's just a matter of good or bad luck.

 

[Zzzzz]

I personally feel as if I am "destined" to do it.

 

[ClownMe]

Not sure if it is my "destiny" to ctb, but im definitely not made for this world. Sorry about your dad.

 

[wait-bus-stop]

I was wondering if anyone else here felt the same, like it's what they were meant to do.

Ever since I was a teenager, I always assumed I would CTB at some time in the future. It's not for me an "if" but "when"

 

[Doctors HATE them]

I definitely feel that way. I remember one time as a kid, I had a random intrusive thought that I was gonna die in my sleep and I was super happy and couldn't wait for night to come to go to bed. Another time, my dad told me how time passes faster as you age and I told him that I hope that happens to me so I die sooner. I don't believe in a higher power or anything but if there's such a thing as fate, then I know for a fact that I am fated to ctb.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years- so it feels like it's inevitable. Plus- I'm creative and 'proper' artists kill themselves right? (Sort of joking.)

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Yes.

 

[cowie]

Yes. My demographics put me at a high risk and I always felt "othered" and outside of the normal world. Sometimes I would randomly cry at nothing. Once I became fully suicidal it's like everything clicked. This was always how it was going to end. I tried my best to fight it.

It's okay, because everyone dies in the end.