Help Partner wants to separate but is keeping my SN hostage

[GoneGoneGone]

Hey guys,

I don't know where to start, I'm so distraught. I suffer from panic disorder and depression and obviously my behavior is not normie behavior.

I live abroad and a couple of months ago I had an SN botched attempt, my partner found me. I reordered a month ago and he got a hold of it and says he is storing it for me bc I explained to him that it makes me feel safe if I know I have it. I was doing better but we had many fights.

I considered buying N but then I realized that he would confiscate it too bc he wakes up early to check the mail. After many unrelated fights I decided that I want to end the relationship and go to my home country, where very likely my father would put me in a ward. Last time I went there he put me in a ward to "take out the panic attacks out of me," but I was almost raped because men had access to the women's pavilion.

So I asked my now partner to give me the SN when I leave and he doesn't want to. I understand he feels guilty if I die in his house, but this is not the plan. I told him it wouldn't get back to him. So on the one hand he is completely comfortable knowing that I might be beaten and raped in a ward, but on the other hand he steals my SN.

I wouldn't be able to order N or SN in my home country bc my father checks the mail, and I know the moment I go there he'll take me to a ward.

What to do? Thank you in advance.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

First off all, beat the shit out of him (smash his nuts into scrambled eggs), and retrieve your SN. If that doesn't work, get a secret PO BOX and order SN there.
Girl Power!

Thanks for the answer. The SN is either at his office where I don't have access, or he might be lying to me and he has thrown it out. In which case I'd like to know.
I'm in Europe, I don't think we have PO Boxes here.

 

[Belit667]

Thanks for the answer. The SN is either at his office where I don't have access, or he might be lying to me and he has thrown it out. In which case I'd like to know.
I'm in Europe, I don't think we have PO Boxes here.

Yes you have PO Boxes, I'm in Europe too. It's not popular bust still exists. Pick a big post office,

 

[not4us]

can't you rent a flat unbeknownst to your dad in your home country?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

can't you rent a flat unbeknownst to your dad in your home country?

Thanks. I have panic disorder, I don't go anywhere alone. I don't have friends in my home country. The moment I land at the airport I'll be taken to a ward.

 

[Squiddy]

Can't you get out of the house and then reorder it when your out?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Can't you get out of the house and then reorder it when your out?

Thanks. Which house? I have panic disorder, I don't go out. Not alone

 

[Squiddy]

Your father's house? But if he checks the mail, can you get a PO box?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Guys no fights in my thread. Please

 

[ebt88]

I don't understand, are you going back the ward in your home country or ctbing first?

 

[Wayfaerer]

When you leave him, just buy more. It's not gold.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I don't understand, are you going back the ward in your home country or ctbing first?

If I go back to my home country, I will be put in a ward. SN does not ship in my home country, so I need this SN (confiscated by partner) with me.

When you leave him, just buy more. It's not gold.

Respectfully, if you are going to comment in my thread, please read the OP. Once I leave him and return to my home country, I will be placed in a ward. I do not have friends there, the only place where I can go is to my parents' and my father will put me in a ward.

 

[Fadinglife]

Oh my dear! My heart bleeds for you.
I'd like to know if your condition has worsened with him. You mentioned fights. What is the cause of distress in relationship? If you could come at stable state while being with him? I feel like any attempt in such a state may not succeed. You mentioned a botched attempt once.

 

[restingspot]

Does your partner go out to work? Does he go out at all? You could take the SN while he's out. Take it out the bottle and put it in a baggie and then fill up the bottle with something else. Sand? Water?

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Hey guys,

I don't know where to start, I'm so distraught. I suffer from panic disorder and depression and obviously my behavior is not normie behavior.

I live abroad and a couple of months ago I had an SN botched attempt, my partner found me. I reordered a month ago and he got a hold of it and says he is storing it for me bc I explained to him that it makes me feel safe if I know I have it. I was doing better but we had many fights.

I considered buying N but then I realized that he would confiscate it too bc he wakes up early to check the mail. After many unrelated fights I decided that I want to end the relationship and go to my home country, where very likely my father would put me in a ward. Last time I went there he put me in a ward to "take out the panic attacks out of me," but I was almost raped because men had access to the women's pavilion.

So I asked my now partner to give me the SN when I leave and he doesn't want to. I understand he feels guilty if I die in his house, but this is not the plan. I told him it wouldn't get back to him. So on the one hand he is completely comfortable knowing that I might be beaten and raped in a ward, but on the other hand he steals my SN.

I wouldn't be able to order N or SN in my home country bc my father checks the mail, and I know the moment I go there he'll take me to a ward.

What to do? Thank you in advance.

Try to find the sn? Surely there are only a few places he could hide it?
When he is out the house, look everywhere for it. If you find it, you'll know where it is so you can plan a ctb when he is not there.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you order N, it's not going to come through the mail but a courier service. Wouldn't he be at work already?

I agree he likely discarded the SN. I would let that go.

I don't think he sees it as you do, that there are only two options and one ends with you getting raped in a psych ward. It's what you experienced and how you view it, and he doesn't view it that way, so that causes resentment.

I just posted on the thread with the customs issue. I think there's an issue of clinging here that keeps you from seeing the full picture. Clinging to the SN, clinging to what you want, clinging to ideas of what you cannot do. I would suggest writing out all of the blocks to what you want to accomplish. Sometimes when I do that, kind of like mind mapping, I see more clearly what I'm trying to accomplish and how to do it, including what reasonable risks I am willing and able to make should there be potential negative consequences. Or, I see that I need to let go of what I want and focus on something else instead.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Oh my dear! My heart bleeds for you.
I'd like to know if your condition has worsened with him. You mentioned fights. What is the cause of distress in relationship? If you could come at stable state while being with him? I feel like any attempt in such a state may not succeed. You mentioned a botched attempt once.

Thank you so much . It's been almost 2 years and I had 4 attempts. Fights arise from anything, randomly, mainly cleaning issues. The space is quite large and I cannot keep everything clean all at the same time, and I have aspirations in life, not just scrubbing bathrooms - not that this is a bad thing. I just feel I have a lot of potential which I haven't been encouraged to materialize because his career takes precedence.
Then my in-laws don't like me and have opposed our marriage. This has always happened to me, I've been the serious relationship of three guys so far and invariably the in-laws didn't like me. I know they would settle for less if they knew their son was miserable without me (this applies to all 3 relationships, one settled for way less).

Does your partner go out to work? Does he go out at all? You could take the SN while he's out. Take it out the bottle and put it in a baggie and then fill up the bottle with something else. Sand? Water?

Now he's on vacay but usually wakes up before me. I might just have to do just that. Order again and then spend 3 weeks checking the mail permanently, and once I get it I bet he'll wrestle me over it.

Try to find the sn? Surely there are only a few places he could hide it?
When he is out the house, look everywhere for it. If you find it, you'll know where it is so you can plan a ctb when he is not there.

Thanks. I think it's either been thrown away or at his workplace and I don't have access to it.

 

[Belit667]

Thanks a lot for your message. It's a pity I can't save you.
Tell me what to do to help you, please.

 

[checkouttime]

YO

Fights arise from anything, randomly, mainly cleaning issues. The space is quite large and I cannot keep everything clean all at the same time, and I have aspirations in life, not just scrubbing bathrooms - not that this is a bad thing. I just feel I have a lot of potential which I haven't been encouraged to materialize because his career takes precedence

You sound like your a strong enough person to hold your own! get him fukin told, sounds to me like he's holding you to ransom and trying to stop you leaving.

How much does it cost for you too go home? would you have to fly? could you not get a hotel or rent a place and order the SN from there?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

If you order N, it's not going to come through the mail but a courier service. Wouldn't he be at work already?

I agree he likely discarded the SN. I would let that go.

I don't think he sees it as you do, that there are only two options and one ends with you getting raped in a psych ward. It's what you experienced and how you view it, and he doesn't view it that way, so that causes resentment.

I just posted on the thread with the customs issue. I think there's an issue of clinging here that keeps you from seeing the full picture. Clinging to the SN, clinging to what you want, clinging to ideas of what you cannot do. I would suggest writing out all of the blocks to what you want to accomplish. Sometimes when I do that, kind of like mind mapping, I see more clearly what I'm trying to accomplish and how to do it, including what reasonable risks I am willing and able to make should there be potential negative consequences. Or, I see that I need to let go of what I want and focus on something else instead.

Thank you. He has a flexible work schedule, now he is officially on holiday, and plus he is encouraged to work from home either way due to Covid (until December at least).

I do agree with you that he simply does not believe the rape story. I will say it, when I was in the ward in the first couple of days, I was loaded on Valium shots (so no pills, intramuscular), and sleeping and drooling, and woke up with a nutjob pulling my pants off... I mean... I'd rather die than risk going through that again. I have so much compassion for sexual abuse victims...

Thank you, I will try to map out my options and wishes.

Thank you everyone for your kind input

YO


You sound like your a strong enough person to hold your own! get him fukin told, sounds to me like he's holding you to ransom and trying to stop you leaving.

How much does it cost for you too go home? would you have to fly? could you not get a hotel or rent a place and order the SN from there?

Thank you. I can hold my own when my back is against the wall in a super bad way... I hope. He is keeping me here because he says he loves me and he can give me everything I need and want. Apart from my SN. But he gets frustrated at my depression.

Money is not an issue. The problem is that I have panic disorder and can hardly go out on my own, so I also depend on him to pick up my anxiety meds... I might just run away with the last meds I have. Don't be surprised if you see me on the news.

I'm not sure about whether I want to take SN now or in one year. I do not have pressing health or financial issues. But I want to have the option I.e. if somehow I get psychotic once, to take it before I end up in a rapey ward like the example I gave above.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. We've discussed before how frustrating it can be when our partners don't really understand us or our position on this. My husband found my SN and flushed it down the toilet last week. I was furious.
I get what you say about feeling safe when it's around. Just knowing that it's available gives you some sense of control over your situation, which is helpful when you feel little control over anything else.

I agree with others that you need to find a new, safe source for your mail, but there's always the risk that your partner may find it in the home eventually.

 

[checkouttime]

He's not exactly going about it the right way of showing he loves you, by holding you to ransom!!! I mean i could totally understand if someone found something and threw it away because they loved a person(not saying its right or i agree).but i could see why they would do it.

but knowing someone has it and then taking it away is like i said holding them to ransom, thats not showing someone you love them. Its controlling someone

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

but knowing someone has it and then taking it away is like i said holding them to ransom, thats not showing someone you love them. Its controlling someone

Yes!!!!!!!

It's codependence, which is an attempt at other-control, and is ultimately impossible, rather than self-control, which is potentially possible.

 

[FrankieVallie]

Really feel sorry for what you're going through right now. It sounds horrible. I'll pray for you tonight.

I understand what you mean by wanting the SN to give you confidence/peace without taking it immediately. I've had mine for a few weeks and I still don't know when I'm going to use it. However, it really does give me peace of mind knowing I have a way out.

It seems like your husband isn't a very good person; he manipulates you and uses you for cleaning his house. Sorry to hear about your anxiety. If you want to obtain SN, you'll probably have to order more. I doubt he still has it. When you order the SN, buy it from a seller who gives you a tracking number. That way, you can know exactly when it comes in. If I were you, I would order to your house and wait until the tracking number says it's going to be delivered the next day. On that day, wake up earlier than him and get it as soon as it's delivered. That's one way to do it.

Another way would be to send it to a neighbor's address and act like you accidentally entered their address so they would give you the package.

 

[Belit667]

Really feel sorry for what you're going through right now. It sounds horrible. I'll pray for you tonight.

I understand what you mean by wanting the SN to give you confidence/peace without taking it immediately. I've had mine for a few weeks and I still don't know when I'm going to use it. However, it really does give me peace of mind knowing I have a way out.

It seems like your husband isn't a very good person; he manipulates you and uses you for cleaning his house. Sorry to hear about your anxiety. If you want to obtain SN, you'll probably have to order more. I doubt he still has it. When you order the SN, buy it from a seller who gives you a tracking number. That way, you can know exactly when it comes in. If I were you, I would order to your house and wait until the tracking number says it's going to be delivered the next day. On that day, wake up earlier than him and get it as soon as it's delivered. That's one way to do it.

Another way would be to send it to a neighbor's address and act like you accidentally entered their address so they would give you the package.

Yeah, picking it from a neighbor seems like a good idea.

 

[checkouttime]

Yes!!!!!!!

It's codependence, which is an attempt at other-control, and is ultimately impossible, rather than self-control, which is potentially possible.

exactly!!! no1 could tell me what to do, or make me do something i didn't want. I may listen to what others say, but ultimately i make my own decisions and am my own person!

 

[Belit667]

So, ordering for neighbors' addresss?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. We've discussed before how frustrating it can be when our partners don't really understand us or our position on this. My husband found my SN and flushed it down the toilet last week. I was furious.
I get what you say about feeling safe when it's around. Just knowing that it's available gives you some sense of control over your situation, which is helpful when you feel little control over anything else.

Exactly, thank you, just having it gave me a bit of sense of control in the context of the past few years filled with sickness, freak accidents, painful breakups etc. I explained this to him and he said he would let me have it but he fears I would take it on impulse as before.

It seems that the neighbor strategy might be the best option, but God forbid that the neighbor opens the package and wants to have a taste??? I really need to figure out what I'm willing to risk.

He's not exactly going about it the right way of showing he loves you, by holding you to ransom!!! I mean i could totally understand if someone found something and threw it away because they loved a person(not saying its right or i agree).but i could see why they would do it.

but knowing someone has it and then taking it away is like i said holding them to ransom, thats not showing someone you love them. Its controlling someone

Thanks. I think he himself doesn't know how to react. We cannot separate our relationship from my depression and dark thoughts. Sometimes he's extremely positive, sometimes he wants to show me tough love.

 

[Belit667]

The neighbour would open SN and have a taste? :D Come on, be serious... I did that, opened my SN box and licked it, it was disgusting, super-salty.
Take care.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Yes!!!!!!!

It's codependence, which is an attempt at other-control, and is ultimately impossible, rather than self-control, which is potentially possible.

Thank you, you are right that it is codependence. I just became very helpless after my previous relationship, and lost my sense of identity. I'd love it if my partner helped me rediscover life and "taught me how to fish," but he just throws me a bone every now and then.

The neighbour would open SN and have a taste? :D Come on, be serious... I did that, opened my SN box and licked it, it was disgusting, super-salty.
Take care.

Well I have old neighbors. Who knows what they'd be thinking. Or they google it and throw their panties in a bunch and call the police