Venting Partner confessed of having suicide ideation now

[Lyn]

I pretty much feel like reaching my limit. Every day feels like dragging a weight I can't carry anymore. And if I do carry it - my way leads to a dead end.
Or towards a freight train at the end of the tunnel that is coming my way.

And just when I was researching methods here, looking for sources etc.
My partner. Out of nowhere just... broke down. Needed to confess in own suicide ideation and all the weight that has to carry too. It's not something new to be honest. But not to such extent. And I mean...not now.

So of course I needed to comfort, to hold, to express my love and say some crap about being able to handle everything together.
But I couldn't confess to him. Just couldn't.
Though I know I probably should. But not in this circumstance.

It felt like a punch to the gut for me. I mean... It feels so messed up.

No, it's not the first time when I am being at my lowest but still trying to help someone in a similar situation.
That's quite common for lots of people in such situations I guess.

But this time it felt like comforting another part of Me.
Of myself.
The part that is talking about the same issues.
And I've done it with the words I don't really believe for myself. Dumb move.

It hurts to see my partner like this.
And it hurts to feel that way.
And it hurts even more knowing exactly what I'm looking for now here and to realize where all this is leading us.

I don't know how to handle this. I can barely keep myself together. That's just... Ugh.

Sorry for a long and cluttered text.
Just needed to vent a bit.

 

[Worndown]

Since you both seem to be at the bottom of the emotional well, maybe supporting each other is a solution.

 

[Lyn]

Since you both seem to be at the bottom of the emotional well, maybe supporting each other is a solution.

Well, yes. That's what we've been doing throughout all our relationship. Basically we met on the subject of suicide. So this question never really went out of sight completely.
Sometimes higher, sometimes lower.
It's just that things are going down fast now to some inevitable obstacle which I won't be able to endure. Especially with all those old issues that never really went away.

 

[uncat_]

hey, if it keeps getting worse for both of you, at least you have a suicide partner potentially?? i suppose

 

[Worndown]

Yes, live or die together. Try living first.

 

[mirrorman2]

you need to talk to him. need to. if nothing else but to let him know that he is not alone in what he is feeling. an ex once told me about her suicidality and i similarly couldnt come to terms with my own ideation to tell her. the relief that would've been to both her and myself would've been worth every word. tell him.