Partial Suspension Began To Fail For No Apparent Reason

[Oblomov]

Posting this to receive some advise and vent a bit. Because I need both. Sorry for the long post :)

Some time ago, I posted a joyful thread about partial suspension:

I Think I Finally Managed To Do It

Excuse my mistakes if I make any, I'm not a native speaker. I'm typing this to thank everyone here who guided me through these troublesome months I've been practicing partial hanging in order to find the suitable rope position and angle. It was, until very recently, insufferable. I cannot...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I was extremely happy and relieved because I had finally found an easy way to put myself out of my misery. As I said earlier (see the link above), I had a few things to take care of before departing. Well, I finally did take care of them and decided to end it for good. During the period between "discovering" the right way to execute it and finally attempting ctb in earnest, I didn't stop practicing and further testing my position, rope and whatnot. And it was a consistent success. Whenever I applied pressure, I succeeded in making my ears ring, feeling lightheaded, seeing colors/lights WITHOUT bulging sensation, neck pain, feeling of strangulation etc. Of course, I backed off. Not out of fear, but simply because I needed a few more days for other things. For the hope and happiness they induced alone, those mini-attempts were marvelous. But they also made me sure that I'm on the right path and will finally be free soon. I was glad and confident.

Well, I'm still confident. After all (like I said) one should never lose hope and I still think that way. But this joy abruptly ended the day I finally made my serious attempt 3 days ago. Now for the past few days, I feel like I'm living in some sort of nightmare and/or cursed in some way. Imagine a nightmare where you walk forward to reach a door but the door inexplicably stays out of your reach despite the fact that you are taking steps towards it. Yeah, this is how I'm feeling right now. I can and will deal with it because I'm still me, the rope is still the same rope, the bar I tied it to is still the same bar, laws of physics and biology surely can't have changed since then and I'm pretty sure my body hasn't evolved to better protect my cartoid artery in the past few days. Salvation is still there, waiting for me to seize it. Right? Of course. I know it is.

But for some reason, it stopped working. All of a sudden, just like that. I marked my position on the ground using the drawings of the rug on the ground, marked the exact spot from which the rope will dangle by using a duct tape, used a bottle filled with sand to determine the length of the rope, I used yet more landmarks to determine the direction of my body when I lie down, took photos, took notes... It was working. I swear I wasn't dreaming. It was 100 percent working. But now it isn't. It hasn't been since a few days now.

Today was especially horrible: I spent this whole day trying and failing. I'm not panicking, but let me be honest with you, I'm angry. I'm as angry and confused as an average, totally sane and normal person who multiplies 2 by 2 for an entire day and fails to get 4, with no logical explanation as to how it is possible.

My only conclusion is that there is indeed a God and he/she/it or whatever the hell it is, is trolling me. Pulling some sort of prank on me, I don't know. All I know is that this is impossible. I truly have no explanation and I'm upset that the best efforts my fogged and slow-functioning brain can produce haven't been rewarded yet.

Anyway, jokes aside, I know nobody is trolling me. I will get to the bottom of this sooner or later. Haven't given up yet. I don't have the luxury to give up. Sometimes, I wish I had. But I don't. I will succeed eventually. I don't know what the hell is happening, but obviously I'm missing something. There's no other possibility.

Any advice? What might I be missing? Can my neck anatomy and/or my body structure change in such a short time? Or are there other biological variables which I have no way of determining? Does, for example, hunger gets taken into account? Or sleep? Can there be anything that makes my body react differently to the same force?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why don't you go with full suspension? Once you are hanging there'd be no way back when you cannot get your feet on sth and you cannot grab sth with your hands.

Maybe you find some helpful info here:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[avaruus]

When i was practicing partial, i also got the ears ringing sensation and lightheadedness. But I most likely weren't anywhere near of blacking out. Maybe you underestimated how close you were to that the last time you tried?

If done correctly, you should lose conciousness in 5-10 seconds, if it takes more than that, you're doing something wrong.
How long did you try until you felt like you were starting to black out the first time you tried?

 

[MatthieuFrederickW]

It's all dependent on how you apply the pressure. I'm assuming you need to do it fully and suddenly. Maybe for the real attempt you were subconsciously easing into it slower than before. If it's not that then I'm not sure why it's not working anymore. Hope you figure it out.

 

[monday?]

I had a simmilar experience. I got tired of practicing the tourniquet method so i decided to try partial. I tested it for a bit and I was amazed. When I did the actual attempt I passed out almost instantly but I stood up while unconscious and woke up. I think that was around one month ago. After that I decided to set it up in a better way so I wouldn't fail again. I've been trying every day since then and I wasn't able to get it to work until last fryday. My problem was that I wasn't relaxing the muscles on my neck. I'm pretty sure they have to be completely relaxed. I did the same thing, I kept practicing, trying things out and never gave up. In the end it paid off. I'm 100% confident in my setup now.

 

[Crono]

Maybe because your heart is beating faster than before? This increases blood flow in the arteries and probably makes it harder to block blood flow

 

[Oblomov]

Why don't you go with full suspension? Once you are hanging there'd be no way back when you cannot get your feet on sth and you cannot grab sth with your hands.

Maybe you find some helpful info here:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

I received mixed feedbacks about full suspension. From what I've been hearing, it can be either extremely distressing or peaceful. I just can't take the risk. Besides, I don't want my family to find me at the end of a rope, with my own feces and urine. Partial (especially in a prone position like the one I'm trying and looked extremely promising not so long ago) seems like a more humane way to go, both during and after the act. On top of that, I don't have an high enough anchor point in my apartment which I can fully trust to take my weight, especially when my body starts thrashing about. I don't want it to fail and render me a vegetable for the rest of my life. As for doing it in another location, I just can't take the risk of some fool finding and "rescuing" me to feel like a saint for "saving" a life; again, leaving me with possible brain and/or neck damage for life.

When i was practicing partial, i also got the ears ringing sensation and lightheadedness. But I most likely weren't anywhere near of blacking out. Maybe you underestimated how close you were to that the last time you tried?

If done correctly, you should lose conciousness in 5-10 seconds, if it takes more than that, you're doing something wrong.
How long did you try until you felt like you were starting to black out the first time you tried?

Well, if I made my serious attempt, experienced the same things but failed to go unconscious despite my expectations, then yes, you'd be right. Then I would admit that I underestimated the difficulty of going unconscious and have been merely optimistic this whole time.

But this isn't the case. I completely failed to hear the ringing for example. All I got was bulging head and neck pain. And this is what surprises me. I just can't figure out the problem. Well, yet.

If I find the sweet spot, sorry, when I find the sweet spot again, I'll see if I underestimated the duration and effort needed to black out. If I fail, I'll talk about it further. Perhaps try another method etc. But if I succeed, well... :D

Maybe because your heart is beating faster than before? This increases blood flow in the arteries and probably makes it harder to block blood flow

Worth considering. You may be right, though unlikely. Unlikely because I wasn't feeling any different, wasn't stressful or over-excited. But I might be subconsciously, of course. After all, I didn't measure my blood pressure. So yes, this (even though with low possibility) may be the culprit.

 

[avaruus]

Well, if I made my serious attempt, experienced the same things but failed to go unconscious despite my expectations, then yes, you'd be right. Then I would admit that I underestimated the difficulty of going unconscious and have been merely optimistic this whole time.

But this isn't the case. I completely failed to hear the ringing for example. All I got was bulging head and neck pain. And this is what surprises me. I just can't figure out the problem. Well, yet.

If I find the sweet spot, sorry, when I find the sweet spot again, I'll see if I underestimated the duration and effort needed to black out. If I fail, I'll talk about it further. Perhaps try another method etc. But if I succeed, well... :D

You probably know this, but the bulging head sensation comes from having pressure on the jugular veins instead of carotid artery. The only advice i can really give is that maybe try to position the point of pressure little bit more to the center of the throat/neck.
As the carotid artiers, and more specifically, the biggest veins of the carotid arteries are more to closer to your trachea, than the sides of your neck.

This picture shows it quite well, note that the carotid arteries are also kinda in front of the jugular veins.
Just my 2 cents, hope you get it working!