A few nights ago I decided to try out partial hanging. It wasn't my first choice for sure(that would be N, but I can't get the new T email..) and I messed up pretty badly. I got instructions from a reliable source and I thought it was going pretty well even though I was extremely drunk. I passed out fairly quickly, had some weird flashback hallucinations(nothing important at all, just extremely random moments of my life) but unfortunately I woke up with slack on the rope and a lot of random bruises. I used a noose tied tightly to the door. I really can't give exact details on how I messed up because I was nearly blackout drunk, but I'm assuming that I thrashed around. However, after looking in the mirror hours later I noticed that my pupils were different sizes. This was concerning because in my line of work (with animals) different sized pupils can indicate neurological problems. I drove, hiked and acted quite normally the next day, minus being angry that I failed of course, and haven't noticed anything significantly wrong. Although I do seem to be getting a "jolting" feeling while falling asleep that I didn't have previously. I guess I'm writing this as a bit of a warning. Partial hanging seemed enticing to me because the last time I tried it years ago it seemed very casual and didn't trigger my survival instinct as much as other methods do(I haven't been able to pull the trigger...) I know if you do it correctly it can be very easy to die, but it's also apparently easy to mess up and you could end up in a much worse situation than me. My pupils have since returned to normal, but it was very alarming in the moment. I'm hoping I haven't caused lasting damage. I'd like to continue to pursue A's new email(unfortunately I don't have access to the newer ppeh, and I certainly don't trust the downloadable versions at this point) but at this point I'm not sure if I can get it before my next depressive episode.
