paradoxical insomnia will make me kill myself

[Slark]

I had a very difficult life, which caused me to develop depression, anxiety and sleep problems. One day I still hope to tell my whole story on this site. The fact is, nothing is so bad that it can't get worse. I used benzodiazepines to sleep, first using alprazolam and then flunitrazepam. When I first used flunitrazepam I had a near death experience as it seriously affected my breathing.

After this event with the use of flunitrazepam, I developed a very high resistance to benzodiazepines and sleep medications and severe insomnia. I just don't feel sleepy, not at all, at any time, although I still feel tired, it's as if my consciousness continues to function even as my body deteriorates. I developed a type of insomnia called paradoxical insomnia, where the individual sleeps, but does not feel that he has slept, this is because some parts of his brain that should not continue to function during sleep, continue to function.

This makes me feel like I never sleep, at that moment I feel like I haven't slept for more than 2 years and that makes me want to commit suicide, because it's like I never rest, it's a desperate situation. I've done sleep studies that resulted in me falling asleep, but I guarantee I was conscious 100% of the time. So that you understand, I've tried to take 5 pills of midazolam of 15mg and it didn't go away.

Sometimes when I lie down to rest I know I'm sleeping because I see on the clock that between me closing and opening my eyes a few hours have passed, but the feeling is that I simply blinked my eyes. The truth is that lying down and keeping my eyes closed during the night is enough to recharge my battery a little, but only enough for me to survive the next day, and I still feel bad all day, kind of dizzy and with a pressure in my head.

I'm tired of not being able to sleep, of not resting, of feeling bad every day. I've tried going to several doctors and several medications and nothing has worked, if I commit suicide at least I know I fought as far as I could. I apologize if I didn't write very well, but this is the hell I'm going through, I just wanted to end it all.

 

[nosoul]

I had a very difficult life, which caused me to develop depression, anxiety and sleep problems. One day I still hope to tell my whole story on this site. The fact is, nothing is so bad that it can't get worse. I used benzodiazepines to sleep, first using alprazolam and then flunitrazepam. When I first used flunitrazepam I had a near death experience as it seriously affected my breathing.

After this event with the use of flunitrazepam, I developed a very high resistance to benzodiazepines and sleep medications and severe insomnia. I just don't feel sleepy, not at all, at any time, although I still feel tired, it's as if my consciousness continues to function even as my body deteriorates. I developed a type of insomnia called paradoxical insomnia, where the individual sleeps, but does not feel that he has slept, this is because some parts of his brain that should not continue to function during sleep, continue to function.

This makes me feel like I never sleep, at that moment I feel like I haven't slept for more than 2 years and that makes me want to commit suicide, because it's like I never rest, it's a desperate situation. I've done sleep studies that resulted in me falling asleep, but I guarantee I was conscious 100% of the time. So that you understand, I've tried to take 5 pills of midazolam of 15mg and it didn't go away.

Sometimes when I lie down to rest I know I'm sleeping because I see on the clock that between me closing and opening my eyes a few hours have passed, but the feeling is that I simply blinked my eyes. The truth is that lying down and keeping my eyes closed during the night is enough to recharge my battery a little, but only enough for me to survive the next day, and I still feel bad all day, kind of dizzy and with a pressure in my head.

I'm tired of not being able to sleep, of not resting, of feeling bad every day. I've tried going to several doctors and several medications and nothing has worked, if I commit suicide at least I know I fought as far as I could. I apologize if I didn't write very well, but this is the hell I'm going through, I just wanted to end it all.

This is big reason I need to ctb badly, and my lifetime ruined also

 

[Slark]

This is big reason I need to ctb badly, and my lifetime ruined also

Do you also suffer from paradoxical insomnia or insomnia?

 

[nosoul]

Do you also suffer from paradoxical insomnia or insomnia?

It was drug induced by dmt use, I literally do not get any sleep unless I take benzos. So my brain is awake 20hrs a day, no naps no falling back asleep. Can't eat well either and thexlack of rest I've lost a ton of weight. I just need more benzos then I'm planning on SN

 

[Slark]

It was drug induced by dmt use, I literally do not get any sleep unless I take benzos. So my brain is awake 20hrs a day, no naps no falling back asleep. Can't eat well either and thexlack of rest I've lost a ton of weight. I just need more benzos then I'm planning on SN

The benzos just don't work for me anymore, regardless of the amount. Have you heard of lemborexant? It's a new sleeping pill that is available in some countries, I would like to try it before CTB

 

[nosoul]

The benzos just don't work for me anymore, regardless of the amount. Have you heard of lemborexant? It's a new sleeping pill that is available in some countries, I would like to try it before CTB

Haven't heard, Dayvigo is also one that supposed to help but I feel trapped by my chemical insomnia, I have a screwed up life as well but it's my lack of sleep and brain degeneration that is making me do this in addition to other symptoms from psych meds, I can't take it man lost a ton of weight and body not heal right without real sleep. Destroyed my life as well as emotions. I wish you well friend

 

[Slark]

Haven't heard, Dayvigo is also one that supposed to help but I feel trapped by my chemical insomnia, I have a screwed up life as well but it's my lack of sleep and brain degeneration that is making me do this in addition to other symptoms from psych meds, I can't take it man lost a ton of weight and body not heal right without real sleep. Destroyed my life as well as emotions. I wish you well friend

Dayvigo is the same medicine as lemborexant. Did you try it? Insomnia is also destroying me, I've been out of work for months, I can't go out, I just live at home, laying down because I'm tired. I also wish you all the best

 

[nosoul]

Dayvigo is the same medicine as lemborexant. Did you try it? Insomnia is also destroying me, I've been out of work for months, I can't go out, I just live at home, laying down because I'm tired. I also wish you all the best

Interested, haven't worked in yrs sadly, that's also reason to ctb, I'm a total failure. Gonna try SN this week, waiting for benzo refill

 

[Slark]

Interested, haven't worked in yrs sadly, that's also reason to ctb, I'm a total failure. Gonna try SN this week, waiting for benzo refill

I only remain employed because I am a civil servant, no company would accept me. I hope you are well and that everything goes well on your trip!

 

[just_so_done]

I'm sorry for you both for having to go through that hell. I have periods of insomnia but couldn't imagine going more than a week with no sleep so I feel for you. But I can relate to not being able to work, go out, and just isolate alone. Anyways @Slark I'm actually getting a prescription of Dayvigo sometime this week and while I'm not currently in an insomniac phase, I can take other sleep meds and 4 hours later still be wide awake and take hours to fall asleep, which is usually restless. So while we're in different situations I can still update you if youd like of how it went and if it knocked me out. My memory is crap so I would suggest sending a pm if you're able or msg on here. @nosoul I know from your other posts you're in alot of pain so I hope you get the meds you need and if you decide to ctb I hope you find the peace you're looking for

 

[nosoul]

I'm sorry for you both for having to go through that hell. I have periods of insomnia but couldn't imagine going more than a week with no sleep so I feel for you. But I can relate to not being able to work, go out, and just isolate alone. Anyways @Slark I'm actually getting a prescription of Dayvigo sometime this week and while I'm not currently in an insomniac phase, I can take other sleep meds and 4 hours later still be wide awake and take hours to fall asleep, which is usually restless. So while we're in different situations I can still update you if youd like of how it went and if it knocked me out. My memory is crap so I would suggest sending a pm if you're able or msg on here. @nosoul I know from your other posts you're in alot of pain so I hope you get the meds you need and if you decide to ctb I hope you find the peace you're looking for

Thx man, I'm slowly losing it, yeah have what I need I need to peace out
Just laying down is the worst, I'm rotting away and I'm not old

 

[just_so_done]

I can't even imagine the pain you're in physically and mentally. People would always be in awe that i could function and work without sleeping for 4 days straight but once i hit that mark i couldnt function so i can only think of what you're dealing with by a million times. I wish i could provide you comfort or support but all I can say is I'm so sorry for what you went through and are going through and I understand. your need to make it stop. I wish you could live the life you wanted and this hadn't stopped you.

 

[nosoul]

I can't even imagine the pain you're in physically and mentally. People would always be in awe that i could function and work without sleeping for 4 days straight but once i hit that mark i couldnt function so i can only think of what you're dealing with by a million times. I wish i could provide you comfort or support but all I can say is I'm so sorry for what you went through and are going through and I understand. your need to make it stop. I wish you could live the life you wanted and this hadn't stopped you.

Thx man,like tonight I won't get any sleep because food in stomach absorbed meds. Lately it's been 6hrs rest over 48hr period. Worse than fatal insomnia imo, won't sleep tonight then tomorrow hopefully get like 6 max hrs,I don't understand what happened to my brain but it's really destroyed my life and will to live.

 

[just_so_done]

Man that sounds brutal, I really hope you can get some rest. I'm sorry the medical system let you down and hasn't given you the help you need, you deserve that and answers.

 

[Ambivalent1]

PTSD makes sleep difficult. if people would simply take off their rose colored glasses, they'd have PTSD too.

 

[nosoul]

PTSD makes sleep difficult. if people would simply take off their rose colored glasses, they'd have PTSD too.

This isn't ptsd at all, hppd from dmt just keeps my brain on, I'm sleep drunk all the time body breaking down

 

[BlazingBob]

Holy shit you sound just like me. I have a progressive incurable neurological sleep disease and getting restorative sleep is impossible. I have to take three controlled substances to deal with the pain and insomnia. If I'm lucky enough to get sleep I wake up 10 times more tired. I've had numerous sleep studies that all show I get pretty much no deep sleep. I have mild sleep apnea and use an auto pap but it makes no difference. I'm going to be homeless soon. That's when I'll catch the bus to the unknown. It's hell living like this.

 

[Lawliet]

I also have insomnia, I've been dealing with sleep issues for years but it got even worse ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Even though I technically do sleep, I never feel rested and I am always tired. if I am able to sleep it takes me hours, and it is never restful. It is an absolute hell and I hope you find relief in some way.

i'm on 300mg of trazodone, clonidine, hydroxyzine, and hydro for pain. it does nothing. i remember when i used to be able to go to sleep on 5mg of ambien, get knocked right out. but after years of being overmedicated, nothing affects my body.

 

[BlazingBob]

I also have insomnia, I've been dealing with sleep issues for years but it got even worse ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Even though I technically do sleep, I never feel rested and I am always tired. if I am able to sleep it takes me hours, and it is never restful. It is an absolute hell and I hope you find relief in some way.

i'm on 300mg of trazodone, clonidine, hydroxyzine, and hydro for pain. it does nothing. i remember when i used to be able to go to sleep on 5mg of ambien, get knocked right out. but after years of being overmedicated, nothing affects my body.

It's a horrible way to live. Sleep actually makes me more tired. I can barely function and it's getting worse. I'm like a cell phone with a broken charger and the battery level is getting close to zero. I'm painfully exhausted.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you have to go through, it just proves that this world truly is hell. It's so disgusting how there is so much unnecessary, undeserved suffering being experienced in this world with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

 

[Slark]

I'm sorry for you both for having to go through that hell. I have periods of insomnia but couldn't imagine going more than a week with no sleep so I feel for you. But I can relate to not being able to work, go out, and just isolate alone. Anyways @Slark I'm actually getting a prescription of Dayvigo sometime this week and while I'm not currently in an insomniac phase, I can take other sleep meds and 4 hours later still be wide awake and take hours to fall asleep, which is usually restless. So while we're in different situations I can still update you if youd like of how it went and if it knocked me out. My memory is crap so I would suggest sending a pm if you're able or msg on here. @nosoul I know from your other posts you're in alot of pain so I hope you get the meds you need and if you decide to ctb I hope you find the peace you're looking for

I would love for you to update me on Dayvigo, I will message you here and in your DM.

Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me!!

PTSD makes sleep difficult. if people would simply take off their rose colored glasses, they'd have PTSD too.

But I don't feel any panic attacks or anything, could it still be PTSD?

Holy shit you sound just like me. I have a progressive incurable neurological sleep disease and getting restorative sleep is impossible. I have to take three controlled substances to deal with the pain and insomnia. If I'm lucky enough to get sleep I wake up 10 times more tired. I've had numerous sleep studies that all show I get pretty much no deep sleep. I have mild sleep apnea and use an auto pap but it makes no difference. I'm going to be homeless soon. That's when I'll catch the bus to the unknown. It's hell living like this.

What neurological disease do you have? Can you share?

I also have insomnia, I've been dealing with sleep issues for years but it got even worse ever since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Even though I technically do sleep, I never feel rested and I am always tired. if I am able to sleep it takes me hours, and it is never restful. It is an absolute hell and I hope you find relief in some way.

i'm on 300mg of trazodone, clonidine, hydroxyzine, and hydro for pain. it does nothing. i remember when i used to be able to go to sleep on 5mg of ambien, get knocked right out. but after years of being overmedicated, nothing affects my body.

Nothing works for me either. I remember when I erased it with 1mg of alprazolam. I hope you get better too, a good night's sleep makes all the difference in our lives

 

[Thia]

I would love for you to update me on Dayvigo, I will message you here and in your DM.

Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me!!

But I don't feel any panic attacks or anything, could it still be PTSD?

What neurological disease do you have? Can you share?

Nothing works for me either. I remember when I erased it with 1mg of alprazolam. I hope you get better too, a good night's sleep makes all the difference in our lives

Do you still struggle with insomnia? I have been taking Dayvigo and it did end up relieving my symptoms, though I should note that my situation didn't really compare to yours in terms of duration.