Venting Panic attacks make me want to die

[DandiFynalicious]

Last night I had a series of panic attacks that lasted for hours. I have never felt so frightened and anxious for so long before. It was one of the worst experiences of my four decades.

I was doing a little better for a while but I am coming undone again and the suicidality is creeping up from baseline passive thoughts and advancing towards activating existing plans.

It's such a short step but I'm so scared of fucking up. I have promised more than one person that I will never attempt suicide so I wouldn't want to fail and let everyone down.

 

[halleyscomet]

I've been getting a lot of panic attacks recently too.

Constantly being in a state of fear is enough reason to want to ctb.

Especially when it happens in public or with people you love and they have to deal with that, it always makes me feel more guilty.

But I'm also afraid to die, it feels like a catch 22 situation, it sucks ass.

 

[divinemistress36]

It freaking sucks anxiety is worth than the depression

 

[RejectedKarma]

Do people experience need to self harm during panic attacks?
I've never had one and never self harmed.
But I started shaking uncontrollably, got very anxious and felt the urge to take a knife and cut my skin to see what happens.
I don't know how I controlled myself.
I feel I'm losing my sanity.
I don't want to call my friend, I don't want anyone who knows me to know about this...

 

[annxietty]

Im very sorry you are suffering like this, Ive had plenty anxiety attacks, but luckily Ive only had a few panic attacks, and its horrible, like nothing I experienced before, like all the suffering you endure daily comes to you like a wave all at once... Not wanting to hurt people is understandable, and this is a decision only you can make, whatever you decide I hope you find peace, I just wanted to say, that only you know how much you are suffering, the people you love only have an idea (sometimes not even that), they most likely wont understand if you decide to end it all, but they also dont know what it is that you are feeling, we here dont know either, only you... Like I said I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Does anyone else get this? So I got loads of panic attacks in Spain last year and I've never had them before (one lasted 40 minutes). Now back in the UK I don't have my own space anymore so I'll have my headphones in lying in bed and just get "stuck" for pretty much hours (last night was 11pm to 4/5am) I don't know if it's a panic attack but it's similar to being so silent and quiet and not making any noise. I did it when I was young to avoid confrontation and angry people (like parents). Maybe it's becuase now I've given up on everything? I don't care about the money or the business or anything so just do the bare minimum - pay off minimum debt on credit card and just eat just to walk around a bit.

 

[DandiFynalicious]

I sometimes want to hit myself but rarely do @RejectedKarma

 

[RejectedKarma]

Does anyone else get this? So I got loads of panic attacks in Spain last year and I've never had them before (one lasted 40 minutes). Now back in the UK I don't have my own space anymore so I'll have my headphones in lying in bed and just get "stuck" for pretty much hours (last night was 11pm to 4/5am) I don't know if it's a panic attack but it's similar to being so silent and quiet and not making any noise. I did it when I was young to avoid confrontation and angry people (like parents). Maybe it's becuase now I've given up on everything? I don't care about the money or the business or anything so just do the bare minimum - pay off minimum debt on credit card and just eat just to walk around a bit.

It sounds like a threat response.... something catatonic almost
I'm sorry you're going through this

 

[Throwawayacc3]

It sounds like a threat response.... something catatonic almost
I'm sorry you're going through this

I mean it's fucked anyway. Just thought I'd see if anyone has it similar. lol. What a life…..

 

[Z-A]

It feels like you're dying or about to faint, breathing becomes hard, no balance, sweating, not hearing well or ringing, impending doom, adrenaline pumping in non stop till you get tired.

I'm on Benzos + SSRI because my repeating panic attacks lead to panic disorder, if I'm not constantly drugged, I will get these nightmare of symptoms again and again. I wouldn't wish this to happen to anyone. It fucks you up so badly that everything in your life goes downhill in just one day.