Venting Pale and dark circles

[guinea-pig]

My dad commented about the way I look yesterday and I can't get it out of my head. He asked if I was getting sick because I look "REALLY" pale and I have huge dark circles. I'm not sick that is just how I look now because I don't go outside, I don't eat right, and I can't sleep good (probably insomnia atp). Those are things I tried fixing for a while but gave up on.

My appearance is the one thing I thought I was holding onto. No matter how depressed I get and suicidal I always try to put effort into how I look and appreciate how I look but all that effort is for nothing. I still look sick to other people I hate it so much. I tried wearing concealer today but idk if it is the right color and I don't know how to put it on without it looking all creased. I will probably get some bb cream or something and watch YouTube tutorials so I can maybe help it.

How I look is really important to me and now I just look sick on the outside too. It sucks that I really have nothing left with myself because I want to feel good about myself and my looks were all I had to feel good about. It's shallow but I really don't have anything else about myself that I like or appreciate. It sucks. I wanted to feel good when I die but things just keep going wrong.

 

[nabinabi5]

I want to say just "don't pay mind to negative comments" but I know from experience that it's not to easy to do at all, especially coming from someone as important as a parent. Some of the ways I learned to deal with constant comments/projections from my mother was to realise that

1. Parent can be total dicks and just bash on their children as an easy target when they need to let off steam. If they're constantly insulting or deriding you try your best to realise they're just doing to be assholes and that you should try your best to keep that in mind. For instance: I used to be super skinny when I was younger (9-10% bf male) but my mom would constantly call me pig, fatass, glutton, stereotype american etc. when I ate. In retrospect it was obviously not true and a projection of her own insecurity, their comments hold weight but they're not based on truth. Which leads me into my next point

2. Chances are that you look fine, it's just that your perception has been warped by your mind and that comment. Negative comments like those can be like seeds that grow into your head and never go away like weeds. They've brought attention to it and now in your eyes it will seem totally obvious and grotesque but to others you'll look normal. If I stare myself in the mirror I will go totally insane because I see every little imperfection with my body and face but in reality once I step back for a minute it's fine.

3. The negative comment might be coming from a place of genuine concern. The comment you spoke of in particular implies that your father is at the very least concerned and indirectly asking if you're alright. Adults are not almost emotionally intelligent and may not know how to express their concerns or feelings. It's really annoying but sometimes you need to really try to dig for the nuance of what they're saying to get to the reason. An example could be "why do you have no friends" which may seem like an attack but may also come from them wondering why you're so lonely, and being concerned about that fact. Idk.

I'm sure you look wonderful, even with whatever ails you now. I know easier said than done to remove yourself from the moment and look at the big picture but I think maybe it will help you along.

 

[guinea-pig]

Thank you. He probably is concerned, he has always been terrible with voicing it and I forget. It's just hard not spiraling with comments like that because I'm insecure sometimes and always looking for the confirmation for my insecurities lol.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Yeh I'm the same with the paleness and dark circles-I look awful due to poor diet and because I never get any sun. I worry people will think I'm ill or on drugs. Look into any vitamins you might be deficient in-vitamin D for one if you are not getting enough sun. Colour correcting make-up is really good for dark circles-you want a colour like orange or peach to cancel out the dark circles. There's also camouflage make-up that will cover really well. If you get primer and put that on beforehand that'll reduce the creasing. Usually this stuff's not that expensive either (as far as make-up goes!) but I agree it can be hard to get it to look good if you suck at applying it like I do! I always put too much on I think. Just another skill I never managed to master like other girls do. I'm actually looking into getting filler put under my eyes since they are so hollow as well but it's kind of drastic. Not to mention expensive, but I'm going all out and at least trying to improve my appearance before I resort to CTB. It's one of my biggest insecurities so I know how you feel.