C
Cook
Member
- Oct 2, 2019
- 60
So I know I've posted before but I think I'm going to do it this week: jumping off the new river gorge in WV. I'm just so scared,... I watched documentary about the Golden Gate Bridge and it's so simple .... just jump ! Then it's all over.... but I am asking can someone please reassure me About this method ? I know Blackflag said it's an almost guaranteed death since it's so high up , but can anyone tell me with some sort of certainty that it will be instantaneous ? I just can't go through with like anymore, if I had any shred of self respect I would go forward and be fine. The only thing keeping me here is memories of being loved, which are powerful, but all they are now are memories. I abandoned myself a long time ago and I just don't see it getting any better with age.... I know it's the right thing to do and the timing is good because I'm heading down a bad path, even with the law. It's now or never and it's a bad idea to remain Alive in this state when in reality I died a long time ago inside. Between various bad decisions, pain from a brutal rape and being molested as a child (and when I say that NO one bats an eye, like it's just the new normal ) and coming from a family with high expectations (dad is a surgeon , mother started a community arts center that peoooe love m) I just don't fit into the mold and I struggle with immense issues that are not truly solve able. I wish I had some hope of an afterlife, or some kind of saving grace but I don't know what could possibly make it better. I am so ashamed of who I am and I can't live my life in a way that isn't lazy. I am beyond depressed, I feel psychoticslly hateful towards myself and spend all my time alone , barely bathe and take care of myself. It's pathetic. It's time to go, and yet I keep procrastinating. WHy? I need that final push, no pun intended.