L
lostwithoutmylove
New Member
- Sep 2, 2019
- 2
My boyfriend died while we were on holiday in June and I've been finding it very difficult to not try and join him. He was my soulmate and honestly made me so happy being with him. I have two kids from a previous relationship and he was fully prepared to be involved as a father in their lives. We had so much planned for the future we were making together and then suddenly...he's gone.
I try and think positively that he's in a better place than this mess of a planet full of sorrow and sadness, but it's not helping me cope. Honestly I just want everything to stop but it just keeps moving forward. Tried therapy but honestly crying in front of someone wasn't helping me. I'm going to try antidepressants and see how that goes but I would prefer a really high building and jump. The only thing really stopping me is the people who love me in this life want me here. Though I find it selfish of them
I just feel like a part of me has died and as someone that was very happy, doing everything I should be doing in life...study, career, family and had a strong belief in God. I feel like my life has imploded around me and my belief system shaken. I mean what kind of God would do this to people that were not harming anyone, living as best as we could and being in love. Happy!
I can't see a purpose in being here anymore because I thought I was living in my purpose and doing what made me happy only for this to happen and my happiness robbed. I just feel lost, confused and over it all. I can't even find joy in my kids anymore. I can't find joy in anything and if I happen to I feel guilty because my partner isn't here to enjoy it with me.
I'm in my late 20's and the idea of having to live years without him is honestly disturbing. Every morning I wake up and I'm angry I didn't die in my sleep. Honestly if there is a God then I imagine they are also the devil because they must find some pleasure in suffering. If not my prayer to die would have been answered.
I don't know what to do but I know I definitely don't want to be on this plant much longer...
I try and think positively that he's in a better place than this mess of a planet full of sorrow and sadness, but it's not helping me cope. Honestly I just want everything to stop but it just keeps moving forward. Tried therapy but honestly crying in front of someone wasn't helping me. I'm going to try antidepressants and see how that goes but I would prefer a really high building and jump. The only thing really stopping me is the people who love me in this life want me here. Though I find it selfish of them
I just feel like a part of me has died and as someone that was very happy, doing everything I should be doing in life...study, career, family and had a strong belief in God. I feel like my life has imploded around me and my belief system shaken. I mean what kind of God would do this to people that were not harming anyone, living as best as we could and being in love. Happy!
I can't see a purpose in being here anymore because I thought I was living in my purpose and doing what made me happy only for this to happen and my happiness robbed. I just feel lost, confused and over it all. I can't even find joy in my kids anymore. I can't find joy in anything and if I happen to I feel guilty because my partner isn't here to enjoy it with me.
I'm in my late 20's and the idea of having to live years without him is honestly disturbing. Every morning I wake up and I'm angry I didn't die in my sleep. Honestly if there is a God then I imagine they are also the devil because they must find some pleasure in suffering. If not my prayer to die would have been answered.
I don't know what to do but I know I definitely don't want to be on this plant much longer...