Discussion other autistic users, is it reasonable to want to CTB due to its complications?

[imcrashingout]

I'm diagnosed for ASD Level 1, and it's quite debilitating and it causes me to feel quite isolated alone. I have surface level friendships at school, but outside of that my life is empty and alone. I've been using weed as a crutch to deal with those feelings but it really isn't working that well anymore and i've been considering CTBing as of late due to how agonizing it feels to feel isolated. My brain wasn't programmed for neurotypical society and i was born to fail here

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, it's reasonable. Autism is absolutely hellish to have, at least in my opinion as somebody who has it. This world wasn't designed for me and, in my case, death suits me instead as I never wanted to be alive in the first place. Just being merely human is so painful for me.

Though, I also believe that any reason for wanting to be dead is valid too

 

[imcrashingout]

Yes, it's reasonable. Autism is absolutely hellish to have, at least in my opinion as somebody who has it. This world wasn't designed for me and, in my case, death suits me instead as I never wanted to be alive in the first place. Just being merely human is so painful for me.

Though, I also believe that any reason for wanting to be dead is valid too

I'm trying so hard to be hopeful and trying to make things better for myself, but I just find that most NT people don't care enough to bother to try to really understand my condition. I feel so out of place. Nobody is like me at my school, and I only seem to find people that are easy to talk to online… I really wish I could have just lived a regular, non disabled life where I was an equal to my peers.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Reasonable when you can't really adapt. Being autistic myself, I know how it is - especially, when your life has become torment due to others' actions. If I could, I would go right now.

 

[imcrashingout]

Reasonable when you can't really adapt. Being autistic myself, I know how it is - especially, when your life has become torment due to others' actions.

I'm unsure if I want to give up just yet. I really want to see the good in people and be able to experience a peaceful, fulfilling life. But as of late it's been getting harder everyday to put up with my disability. I feel like I'm missing out on living my life because I just wasn't made for NT society… I'm quite a fortunate individual all things considered, I'm a solid student, going to college, and come from a wealthy background. I feel selfish for even considering CTBing as an option, but I don't know if I can force myself to live in a world I wasn't meant to exist in.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I'm quite a fortunate individual all things considered, I'm a solid student, going to college, and come from a wealthy background.

You have to just be very careful then.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Reasonable? You'd be hard-pressed to find a sounder reason for CTB short of extreme disability like quadriplegia.

As proof of that this question gets posed very often.

All after due reflection of course.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand those who act like voluntary death even needs a reason in the first place as after all nobody consented to this existence and they aren't obligated to continue. Death will happen anyway whether there is a reason behind it or not and to me it would be unnacceptable cruelty to believe that people should be forced to delay their inevitable fate in this futile existence where there's no limit as to how much one can suffer.

But yes, I have it as well and I certainly see myself as not meant to exist in this evil, disgusting world. I'd always prefer the peace of eternal nothingness to suffering in this existence that I always found undesirable in the first place.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I'm unsure if I want to give up just yet. I really want to see the good in people and be able to experience a peaceful, fulfilling life. But as of late it's been getting harder everyday to put up with my disability. I feel like I'm missing out on living my life because I just wasn't made for NT society… I'm quite a fortunate individual all things considered, I'm a solid student, going to college, and come from a wealthy background. I feel selfish for even considering CTBing as an option, but I don't know if I can force myself to live in a world I wasn't meant to exist in.

I think you try as best as you can, and do experience as much of life as you can. It's not selfish if it's your choice and if you feel in pain.

I'm much older and don't have a lot of hope for my future and for autistics, CTB is a way for us to have agency in our lives. I just need too not feel so alone and I'm tired after decades of masking.

 

[theboy]

everyone has their own personal reasons

 

[sserafim]

Of course. I have Asperger's aka autism level 1, already graduated college and come from a wealthy family as well. I don't feel selfish about wanting to ctb. Why would it be selfish? The world just wasn't built or meant for me, why should I have to live in it? Why should I have to adapt and change myself to fit in with NT's? Life is a video game and autism makes that game hard mode. We're at an inherent disadvantage, everything is harder for us in life

 

[Dliena]

Personally as a 22yo autistic I would say Yes and I would even go as far to say that it really should be a human right to CTB peacefully for the mentally ill
not just for the terminally ill no offense to anybody that is.

 

[imcrashingout]

I think you try as best as you can, and do experience as much of life as you can. It's not selfish if it's your choice and if you feel in pain.

I'm much older and don't have a lot of hope for my future and for autistics, CTB is a way for us to have agency in our lives. I just need too not feel so alone and I'm tired after decades of masking.

I really wish I could socialize like everybody else. I've learned to manage the other symptoms of my condition through tons of different therapists and professionals, but nothing has truly helped me fit in and be able to talk to people. I'm by no means a complete social shut out, and I know there's people at my school who slightly care about my wellbeing, but there's nobody there I can really label as a "true" friend. I think i'm just too weird for people. Maybe humanity isn't as cruel as it appears to me, and I'm just overdramatizing things… I've disclosed my condition to some of the people I know at school so it's not like I keep it a big secret, I feel like if I told more people they'd be more understanding IF they were willing to spend the time to fucking google it or something instead of defaulting to whatever preconceived notion they have. I just need the world to understand I'm not a freak and I want to socialize too.

 

[MiMif]

Yes. It's hell and I can't live properly...honestly all mental illnesses are hell.

 

[imcrashingout]

I'm kind of glad i made an account here. I feel understood. Even if I'm still not 100% certain on passing, it feels good to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I signed up here impulsively last night during a depressive episode after being a lurker for a while, and I want to thank you all for understanding me.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Yes. It's hell and I can't live properly...honestly all mental illnesses are hell.

autism isn't a mental illness. it's a developmental disorder.

i have ASD 1 as well, only recently diagnosed. my hyperfixation was one of the reasons my bf broke up with me. lol. this world is not suited for those who aren't neurotypical. it is absolutely reasonable to want to CTB for not fitting in.

do the things you want to do before you die. have fun with life, you're going to die either way, why not go all in?

 

[imcrashingout]

autism isn't a mental illness. it's a developmental disorder.

i have ASD 1 as well, only recently diagnosed. my hyperfixation was one of the reasons my bf broke up with me. lol. this world is not suited for those who aren't neurotypical. it is absolutely reasonable to want to CTB for not fitting in.

do the things you want to do before you die. have fun with life, you're going to die either way, why not go all in?

i have a whole life ahead of me, and despite the complications of my disability I think I need to keep my head up and keep moving forward. I was dealt these cards so I kinda gotta play em if I want to be content with my being. I could have gotten an objectively shittier hand, and being autistic isn't the end of the world. I just need to stay hopeful. i want to live a happy life. I don't want to die. I just wish I knew how to fit in.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i have a whole life ahead of me, and despite the complications of my disability I think I need to keep my head up and keep moving forward. I was dealt these cards so I kinda gotta play em if I want to be content with my being. I could have gotten an objectively shittier hand, and being autistic isn't the end of the world. I just need to stay hopeful. i want to live a happy life. I don't want to die. I just wish I knew how to fit in.

hell yeah. :)
keep on going strong just like that. you'll have to go through friends, as it's just a part of life, but you'll meet people eventually. it's an effort on both your part and the other party. i can relate to feeling out of place when everyone else is getting along. remember that everyone goes through life at different speeds. comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you can do, but that's easier said than done. i'm proud of you. keep your head up!

 

[MiMif]

autism isn't a mental illness. it's a developmental disorder.

i have ASD 1 as well, only recently diagnosed. my hyperfixation was one of the reasons my bf broke up with me. lol. this world is not suited for those who aren't neurotypical. it is absolutely reasonable to want to CTB for not fitting in.

do the things you want to do before you die. have fun with life, you're going to die either way, why not go all in?

Sorry for the MIS wording. I just call anything that isn't shown in the outside mental illness my bad.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Very reasonable.

Autism combined with high IQ increases risk of suicidal thoughts | Carver College of Medicine

Twice exceptional youth—children who have a diagnosis of autism and who also have exceptional cognitive ability—are at increased the risk of suicidal thoughts, according to a recent study by researchers at the University of Iowa.

medicine.uiowa.edu

My view is that those that are low on the spectrum have it the worst because the self-awareness is present. My nephew is high on the spectrum and doesn't seem like he has much self-waareness of his condition, which I am glad in a way, because it seems like he is less likely to be affeted mentally by exterior sources.

 

[sserafim]

Very reasonable.

Autism combined with high IQ increases risk of suicidal thoughts | Carver College of Medicine

Twice exceptional youth—children who have a diagnosis of autism and who also have exceptional cognitive ability—are at increased the risk of suicidal thoughts, according to a recent study by researchers at the University of Iowa.

medicine.uiowa.edu

That's me my IQ was professionally tested and came out to be that or higher, I don't really remember lol. My sister has 130 IQ but ADHD and no ASD, and she's successful. The ASD is the main hindrance. I think that Asperger's/autism level 1 could actually be harder to live with than more severe autism with because it's an invisible disability. You look normal on the surface and no one really can tell what's wrong with you. You're still held to neurotypical standards. More severe autism is noticeable and you can clearly tell that the person is disabled and not "normal".

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

That's me my IQ was professionally tested and came out to be that or higher, I don't really remember lol. I wish it were even higher though. My sister has 130 IQ but ADHD and no ASD, and she's successful. The ASD is the main hindrance. I think that Asperger's/autism level 1 could actually be harder to live with than more severe autism with because it's an invisible disability. You look normal on the surface and no one really can tell what's wrong with you. More severe autism is noticeable and you can clearly tell that the person is disabled or not "normal".

I believe it. You sound very intellignent and well-read.

 

[mtoro998]

I have aspergers I hate it but its not the reason I want to die. Yes it has been a life full of extra challenges in an already challenging world. I was still able to make friends and have a fufilling life for some time. Yes I still have problems Connecting with some people but thats ok. I only need to keep the people who arent assholes around. Aspergers is hell for job interviews though. I wish there was some way around that aside from starting your own business.

 

[imcrashingout]

I have aspergers I hate it but it's not the reason I want to die. Yes it has been a life full of extra challenges in an already challenging world. I was still able to make friends and have a fufilling life for some time. Yes I still have problems Connecting with some people but thats ok. I only need to keep the people who arent assholes around. Aspergers is hell for job interviews though. I wish there was some way around that.

Can you give me some social tips? I know your insight may not be exactly applicable to my circumstances, but I want to hear from other autistic users.

 

[mtoro998]

Can you give me some social tips? I know your insight may not be exactly applicable to my circumstances, but I want to hear from other autistic users.

Over the years I just got better at masking and mimicking nuero typical peoples behavior. Find someone most people like and try to mimick them is the best advice I can give. Be prepared to expect alot of failures eventually youll get better at masking. Im still clueless in my 30's how to get past those damn job interviews though. Which is why ive had to run my own businesses.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Can you give me some social tips? I know your insight may not be exactly applicable to my circumstances, but I want to hear from other autistic users.

I think this is the special class we all want :)

If you have some scenarios you want to chat through and work out some sample scripts that might be helpful. It can feel good to help others like us and I struggle with a lot of social stuff but have figured out how to 'mask' depending on the audience and how much of me I know i need to keep hidden.

 

[imcrashingout]

I think this is the special class we all want :)

If you have some scenarios you want to chat through and work out some sample scripts that might be helpful. It can feel good to help others like us and I struggle with a lot of social stuff but have figured out how to 'mask' depending on the audience and how much of me I know i need to keep hidden.

Can we discuss further in pms maybe? Thank you so much

 

[allym101]

i 100% feel that. autism fcking sucks and you know how theres the spectrum n all? i fit in the worst place i feel. for me, its not serious enough to the point where im some math genius or have a super niche interest like sharks or something, but its also not low enough to the point where its undetectable and where it wouldnt hinder my day to day life. when you first meet me, i seem normal. but the more you hang out with me, the more noticeable and worse it becomes. its so exhausting living like this. i dont know how to describe it but its like you crave social groups and interaction but at the same time you dont. its exhausting and i know that theres something wrong with me. after hanging out with someone, it takes me HOURS to bounce back and i hate it. i breakdown almost, when im with someone, like my battery just drops. its horrible. i cant adapt socially and when i try, it drains the life out of me. its exactly as you said, we're put into a world that we're not adapted for. overwhelmed more easily, constantly exhausted, more emotional, no amount of pills or therapy can change this. i dont expect the world to adapt to my needs, but trying to adapt to the world has just been too exhausting and i dont even see the point. why fight and work hard for a society that doesn't give two shits about you?

 

[imcrashingout]

i 100% feel that. autism fcking sucks and you know how theres the spectrum n all? i fit in the worst place i feel. for me, its not serious enough to the point where im some math genius or have a super niche interest like sharks or something, but its also not low enough to the point where its undetectable and where it wouldnt hinder my day to day life. when you first meet me, i seem normal. but the more you hang out with me, the more noticeable and worse it becomes. its so exhausting living like this. i dont know how to describe it but its like you crave social groups and interaction but at the same time you dont. its exhausting and i know that theres something wrong with me. after hanging out with someone, it takes me HOURS to bounce back and i hate it. i breakdown almost, when im with someone, like my battery just drops. its horrible. i cant adapt socially and when i try, it drains the life out of me. its exactly as you said, we're put into a world that we're not adapted for. overwhelmed more easily, constantly exhausted, more emotional, no amount of pills or therapy can change this. i dont expect the world to adapt to my needs, but trying to adapt to the world has just been too exhausting and i dont even see the point. why fight and work hard for a society that doesn't give two shits about you?

i painfully relate to you, just know you aren't alone. we can't change the fact that we are disabled, but we can learn to adapt, and we can still make friends. humanity isn't entirely cruel, and mature reasonable individuals will take time to understand and accommodate for you. i cant force ALL NT people to like me and that's okay. i can at least try to surround myself with people who support/understand me regardless, and around other people that are on the spectrum. hang in there man. idk if this advise is rly that helpful, but if you have people in your life that you wish you were closer to, try to make plans with them. i get the love hate relationship with social interaction as it relates to social battery, but it's also not a bad idea to disclose your disability, maybe send an article to them that you believe would help them get it. the morning after making this post me and my dad had a convo and he made me realize i need to take initiative if i want to see change. i made plans with a girl from my school that same day and we're going to the mall together, hoping things go well. i may not know you personally, but i luv u bro n don't try to change or hide your mannerisms to get approval from others. stay strong, and if you wanna talk in pms let me know

 

[uzuf86]

Over the years I just got better at masking and mimicking nuero typical peoples behavior. Find someone most people like and try to mimick them is the best advice I can give. Be prepared to expect alot of failures eventually youll get better at masking. Im still clueless in my 30's how to get past those damn job interviews though. Which is why ive had to run my own businesses.

That's the way. Jobs are all overrated and they suck.