Are you willing to share more--either in this forum or via PM? I'm terrified of botching my attempt and being in an even worse position. Sorry you're hurting.
I've always known TCAs are lethal (ami, nor, the tryptillines). But I had none of that on hand. In addition to the other same resources I found on here, I found another: orphenadrine. I was like, "Whaaattt???" Because it is a muscle relaxer with strong histamine properties as well. I actually had a lot of it on hand, because I'd been Rx'd it a few months ago for my back. I couldn't take very many of them though, because whenever I would try to take 1 pill, it would knock me out. Stayed drowsy on it. Could not function. So I stopped taking them. Hence why I had so many left. The recipe called for 30 of the 100 mg tablets, approximately 20 (I did 25 to make sure) longer acting benzos. Valium acts the longest but klonopin is a close second and what I could get a hold of. It said after making the concoction (you put all pills into mortar and pestle, or a ziplock bag, close it, then crush them up with whatever lol. Then you take one of those tiny, kid sized snack packs or the smallest cup of applesauce. Mix well, eat it as quickly as possible, wash down with a few sips of maybe apple juice to get the taste out….. then again, I ALSO downed with my 1-2 mouthfuls of apple juice 5 pills ambien 10 mg. Sleep came soon. I never vomited. I premedicated with 8 mg zofran. I don't remember much but it's like after I passed out, my body kept trying to wake itself up, trying to make me get up and walk or get help where my body knew something wasn't right. I remember hallucinating things that weren't happening. I remember trying to walk but not being able to keep my balance at all, so I'd fall every second into something. Walls, doors, cabinets, against the couch, I just couldn't walk. I finally made it back to bed. After that, I think I slept a really long time. Like 24 hours long. I woke up like "wtf. What am I still doin here..? I was aggravated and ticked. When I'd try to stand up and walk, same thing. I have bruises all over, a few pump knots on my head. But I'm starting to be able to walk a whole lot better and starting to get my appetite back (the thought of any food or drink the first day or two made me wanna puke). I've ate a small bowl of chicken noodle soup, water and rested every day since it happened. I'm not sure why it didn't work, because it was compiled into a list with the other methods exactly and said no one had ever survived that combination. Usually I'd say "well you're so lucky you did!" But no… not with this. With this, I am the most UNLUCKY at getting what I need. This makes my third or fourth attempt now.
one of my previous attempts was in 2017. I took 300 (yes, three hundred) pills of labetalol (a strong high powered beta blocker we give to people sometimes in hypertensive crisis), and a brand new, freshly opened bottle of 100 Tylenol 500 mg. Survived that concoction too and definitely shouldn't have. I woke up to a woman shoving an NG tube down my throat like she wanted to kill me herself (wish she would've lol. Would save me a lot of trouble). However it had been about 36 hours since I'd taken all this. I took the Tylenol as backup, so my liver would fail, if the labetalol didn't work. With it being more than 36 hours past me taking it, I knew the Tylenol antidote wouldn't help (mucomyst). They put me on it anyway.

but then I got stuck in ICU for almost a week, and then had to stay down in inpatient psych for like 4 or 5 days after that. Believe me when I say, I would def take my firearm and do it before I'm being involuntarily committed again. No. No way.
I still don't understand how neither of these attempts have worked. So, I want something extremely foolproof.