Help Opinions requested to help me make a decision

[BlueWidow]

I'm not asking anyone to make this decision for me, rather I want other people's thoughts and opinions because some of you may have an idea about or look at my conundrum in a way I hadn't thought of. Thanks in advance for any help given.

I received a phone message from my niece whom I haven't spoken to in about 20 years. I didn't stop speaking to this person for the reason I cut most of the rest of my family off. This person never treated me badly. I quit speaking to her because: we had nothing in common, speaking to her would bring me closer to my other family members that I didn't want to have contact with, and we just drifted apart. She says she wants to talk to me and I would like to talk to her, but I'm planning to ctb in 4 or 5 weeks from now. Is it fair to bring her back into my life when I'm about to end it? On one hand, maybe she'd feel better having been able to speak to me once more before I died. On the other hand, maybe it would hurt her more to be brought back into my life again, only for it to end a few weeks later. Any suggestions, ideas, or opinions are appreciated.

Thanks again to everyone.

 

[noctiva]

Oh, @BlueWidow, that is quite the tough decision you have there and I feel for you!
I cannot offer you any answers to be honest, nor any suggestions because this is a really difficult decision.
Do you know why she wants to contact you? Does she want/ need something from you? Is she just trying to rebuild the contact for bringing the family closer together? Is there something you specifically can help her with?
I think for myself, I would help her if I can, if there is something specific she needs or wants, or some knowledge/ experience that only I can pass on to her. But if she is trying to repair the family rift, I think it could be very hard and damaging for her to try to reach out, try to foster communication and exchange with you, and then you ctb shortly after..
How old is she? So if you haven't spoken to her in 20 years, I would assume she is at least 30? How do you see her, does she seem like a mature, understanding woman or is she very fragile emotionally and would be devastated by your death?
Another thing to consider is that she might be relieved to be able to have talked to you so shortly before your death, that she could feel that she had at least the chance to try to bridge the gap between your estranged family/ her and you.

I hope you will find a good answer to your question, my heart goes out to you for having to make such a tough decision so close to your ctb date. Feel hugged and be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

 

[BlueWidow]

Oh, @BlueWidow, that is quite the tough decision you have there and I feel for you!
I cannot offer you any answers to be honest, nor any suggestions because this is a really difficult decision.
Do you know why she wants to contact you? Does she want/ need something from you? Is she just trying to rebuild the contact for bringing the family closer together? Is there something you specifically can help her with?
I think for myself, I would help her if I can, if there is something specific she needs or wants, or some knowledge/ experience that only I can pass on to her. But if she is trying to repair the family rift, I think it could be very hard and damaging for her to try to reach out, try to foster communication and exchange with you, and then you ctb shortly after..
How old is she? So if you haven't spoken to her in 20 years, I would assume she is at least 30? How do you see her, does she seem like a mature, understanding woman or is she very fragile emotionally and would be devastated by your death?
Another thing to consider is that she might be relieved to be able to have talked to you so shortly before your death, that she could feel that she had at least the chance to try to bridge the gap between your estranged family/ her and you.

I hope you will find a good answer to your question, my heart goes out to you for having to make such a tough decision so close to your ctb date. Feel hugged and be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

Thanks for your reply. You have given me some things to think about that I hadn't considered. Unfortunately, she didn't say in the message why she wants to talk to me. That information would have made the decision easier. The only way I can find out what she wants is to call her. She is actually 4 years older than me. My 2 oldest sisters were 22 and 21 years older than me and they were each married with 2 kids apiece before I was born. Therefore, I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew who are older than me by 1 to 4 years. As far as I know, she is very resilient. She had a fairly difficult childhood, but she grew up, got married, had kids, and made a family for herself. The last time I saw her and had a chance to really talk to her was 21 years ago when she visited me. She kept talking about how difficult it was to be married and have small children. I think she had 2 or 3 kids very close together. The very last time I saw her was at her mother's funeral in 2000. I didn't stay long enough to talk to anyone though. My other niece was in hysterics and trying to force me and my asshole brother to speak to each other. She forced him to hug me, which he only did to shut her up. He gave me a very stiff awkward hug. I couldn't stand anymore because I only attended the funeral in the first place to stop her hysterics. I had just visited my family and seen my sister 2 days before she died in an auto accident. A semi hit her car & she was killed instantly. The trip to and from my hometown was difficult and exhausting for me. I didn't want to go back there after I had just left, but my other niece ( not the one who wants to talk to me) threw a fit over the phone when I said I didn't want to go to the funeral. Anyway, my non- hysterical niece has lost both of her parents now. They've both been gone for several years. I don't know what else has been going on in her life. I've had another sister pass away since then and, once again, this same hysterical niece called to tell me about it and bully me into going to the funeral, no doubt. My husband had just relapsed with his cancer & I hadn't spoken to the sister who passed away since shortly after the funeral I describe above. I had already mourned her death, so when it actually happened, it didn't really affect me. I was more worried about my husband at that time. I let my husband talk to my niece for me. He politely told her he was sorry for her loss, but we weren't able to come to the funeral. This is the sort of thing he did for me that I miss now. My protector is gone.
If I do call her ( my non-hysterical niece), it won't be until this weekend at the earliest. Thanks for your reply and sorry to go off on a rant. My sister's funeral is a sore spot with me, even all these years later.