Opening up to a therapist.

[Redleaf1992]

Hey gang,

I have always wanted someone I could open up to fully IRL. Not only to blow of steam but find the therapy more beneficial. As things arent going great with the charity counseling I got sign posted to by the NHS and the other bit was self help DBT therapy videos (thanks a lot NHS), so I have been looking for private therapists. Frick me they are expensive and the one I found is defnitley no exception, but atm I feel like CTB is the only option and I only two need two coins for the ferry man in the afterlife.

I really liked the vibe of the one I found as his website talked about problem solving your challenges which I need more than some therapist feeding my false positivity messages.

I made initial contact to ask what his confiedntiality policy is and it seems really good. In terms of sucide he says he only breaks it if someone is going to commit suide AND is experincing a psychotic or manic episode. He mentioned that he actually thought suicde was a viable option for some people as they legitably don't have any other paths foward. His only rule is if you going to CTB that you
promise to call him first before doing it. He also was previously depressed and suicidal before, so it's not just someone pretending to know what your going through.

Do you think from all that I can truly trust him to let myself open up about everything? I want to talk about how suicidal I have been, my expeinces on this site just to let it all out, I'm just nervous that my trust will be broken and I will screw myself over.

Techincally I should be completley safe, becuase I'm dont have mania (kinda) or psychotic episodes. Would you guys trust him with everything? Guess I'm just looking for reasurence.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I have read a few of your posts before and I'm familiar with your journey. I think that although it's expensive, if you think this is the way to move forward, try to go all in and make the most of it. There is an order to things, I think it is much safer to gradually open up slowly with each session to foster a healthy understanding and relationship with a therapist or otherwise. It's difficult to outright determine complete safety, but from what you've said, I think it's alright. There's always a leap of faith everyone takes when trusting another person with trying to solve personal problems, just keeping that in mind and figuring things out as it goes is probably the safer way to go about it.

I'm wishing you all the very best, rest assured, I hope you're able to successfully open up and change the course in your life to a better place :)

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It sounds like you can trust him not to be overly quick on the trigger like some therapists are when it comes to suicidal thoughts. If you are serious about killing yourself and don't want any intervention, you should not call him. His duty to report and protect his livelihood transcends any sympathies he has towards your desire to die.

 

[LaughingGoat]

We may have different laws in the US than UK regarding this but the majority of therapists I worked alongside had the same general rule that they only broke confidentiality if the person was an immediate danger to themself or others. There is a law here at least that they would be breaking if they didn't report credible intent of suicide or homicide. I know some here have so I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I never worked with a therapist or psychiatrist who broke confidentiality except in those circumstances. It's admirable you are looking for someone who you can progress in treatment with without just telling you what you want to hear.

 

[Felodese]

It sounds like it's worth at least trying, but I agree with Jiyuurakka that it probably best to take it a bit slow. Once you get to know him as a therapist - how he reacts to other things you tell him - you can make a more informed decision about how much to disclose.

Personaly I'm very glad to have found a psychologist that I've been able to talk openly to about about my suicidal thoughts.
One thing he's said though is that he differentiates between chronic and acute suicidality. He's very chill about talking about suicide as it is, because I'm showing up to therapy and I'm talking openly with him (only took me 6 months to start doing that...). But if I told him I was going to ctb for sure as soon as I left his office, he would probably feel a bit different.
So maybe take it s bit slow and go for "I think a lot about suicide" rather than "I want to kill myself asap".

 

[Redleaf1992]

@Jiyuurakka Thank you for the supportive words! They do mean a lot. Yes I think you're right maybe ease it my way in. I think there's too much info to throw at him at once anyway and woudent know where to start anyway.

It helps the sessions are quite long at 60-90min so will get to know quicker.

@LaVieEnRose If it comes to that I'm not sure what I'd do. Your right is risky, but I don't like breaking my word. He says he hasn't love anyone is 30years which could also mean that he may not even know what he would do in that situation.

@LaughingGoat I'm not entirely sure what the official rules are in the UK. I thought if someone showed intent and had means that it needed to be reported - but The Smaritans won't report this (UK hotline) so it's probably more lenient and based on if the person is right of mind (which is interpretative).

@Felodese yeah I think your right to take it slow. I think it helps that he seems to be on the spectrum of pro choice. From what he was saying I think should be ok even with acute sucidity, proving I'm not manic or psychotic - but never can be sure.

 

[Dot]

Tht therpst prbbly ds nt wn2 wste r tme or thr tme & thy cme acrss as tho thy hve bn opn

D/ thy hve n.e recmmndatns or revws n.ewhre

Thr xplnatn snds logcl

If thy tll u 1 thng & thn d/ anothr thn thy r riskng thr reputatn

Slf persnl opinn givn wht thy hve tld u = tht ur views align s/ cld b wrth th/ 'rsk'

 

[Redleaf1992]

Tht therpst prbbly ds nt wn2 wste r tme or thr tme & thy cme acrss as tho thy hve bn opn

D/ thy hve n.e recmmndatns or revws n.ewhre

Thr xplnatn snds logcl

If thy tll u 1 thng & thn d/ anothr thn thy r riskng thr reputatn

Slf persnl opinn givn wht thy hve tld u = tht ur views align s/ cld b wrth th/ 'rsk'

Thanks Dot,

I couldn't find any reviews which was my only worry.

Yeah I think I will brave it, I have the initial assessment booked next Thursday. As you say he's unlikely gonna risk his rep.

 

[Dot]

Thanks Dot,

I couldn't find any reviews which was my only worry.

Yeah I think I will brave it, I have the initial assessment booked next Thursday. As you say he's unlikely gonna risk his rep.

Cld ask fr writtn confrmatn of hs mandtry rportng polcis & procsss

 

[LaughingGoat]

Cld ask fr writtn confrmatn of hs mandtry rportng polcis & procsss

This is a viable option, some therapists will have a client contract that you look over and sign before you begin treatment. I signed a contract with my psychiatrist.

 

[SnakesButNoLadder]

View attachment status-update-v0-44NSF9MYsscooDEf3F7-Q5MS071yels38VaF_3lGY6s.webp

 

[Redleaf1992]

@Dot @LaughingGoat

Yeah that could be a good idea. Only reason I might not do that is because I'm not very good at being that foward and would feel uncomfortable being that pushy and pesky.

View attachment 139647

Let's hope not lol

 

[LaughingGoat]

Yeah that could be a good idea. Only reason I might not do that is because I'm not very good at being that foward and would feel uncomfortable being that pushy and pesky.

Definitely get that. I will say from the perspective of someone who worked in behavioral health that if you are open about feeling hesitant about being unguarded and would like some reassurance, any good therapist would be more than happy to work with you there if they do use contracts (could just start with the question whether they have a client contract). They shouldn't see it as pushy, it's one of the most common things to see clients apprehensive about opening up. It's always nice for someone to communicate it as one of the main concerns in therapy is the person is withholding information that holds back progress. Starting out with honest communication and sorting this out is a terrific opportunity to start the relationship in a productive way. Being forward is tough if you're introverted, but seeing your motivation I think you can push through and do it. You convey your thoughts well through written communication, so it may help you to outline what you want to say in terms of confidence.

 

[Redleaf1992]

Definitely get that. I will say from the perspective of someone who worked in behavioral health that if you are open about feeling hesitant about being unguarded and would like some reassurance, any good therapist would be more than happy to work with you there if they do use contracts (could just start with the question whether they have a client contract). They shouldn't see it as pushy, it's one of the most common things to see clients apprehensive about opening up. It's always nice for someone to communicate it as one of the main concerns in therapy is the person is withholding information that holds back progress. Starting out with honest communication and sorting this out is a terrific opportunity to start the relationship in a productive way. Being forward is tough if you're introverted, but seeing your motivation I think you can push through and do it. You convey your thoughts well through written communication, so it may help you to outline what you want to say in terms of confidence.

Thanks for the advice and info. I'll try and speak to him about it when I see him.