Hey I can't seem to find the video of opening an n bottle with a manicure scissor, can someone link me? I'm planning to CTB tonight at home
intheweeds
Student
- Mar 20, 2019
- 182
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
Thank you. I've just managed to open it. Leaving the rubber there. So it's easier for tonight
Yeah, I feel like it's too much trouble. And I don't want the last thing I say to my Mum to be a lie that I'm going to a friends house or something. Feeling extremely anxious today, I hope I can down this drink
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
Are you ready? I know you said your dad comes home on the weekend...would you want him with her? Whatever you decide i wish you nothing but peace my friend. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now and will feel it myself soon.
I don't know if I'm ready to be honest. But I don't know another way. My whole family would be home when my dad is, so I won't have the night plus day till my mum and sister comes home. I'd be found early. I'm terrified but I'm also so tired and my heart has been hurting for so long. I seem to just be existing these days and it's unbearable.
Thank you so much for caring, not many people do about me
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
Just remember, now that you have the N you can wait until you are 100 percent ready. This time next week will be the exact same scenario meaning your dad and family are not around. I know you just got it today, so needing some time to psyche yourself up and be perfectly at peace with everything is also ok. I also know how some pain is so difficult that an extra minute of it is unbearable...only you know whats right for you.
-Link-
Deep Breaths
- Aug 25, 2018
- 527
I'm not sure why, but your words strike a chord with me... Like, I just want to give you a hug, and that's rather bizarre for me. Maybe it's the relatable vibe I'm getting here... similar family dynamic, your consideration of your mother, your choice in N, considering a hotel, preferring home, a tired and hurting heart, unbearably 'just existing', a desire to do it but a nagging hesitation... Very relatable...
I guess I just want to say, I wish you... peace?... something better than what you're going through now, whatever form that may take for you.
I don't know if this is already done or not but I really hope you're not rushing this just because the date is convenient. You should be a million percent sure.
You also sound really young, I'm not trying to tell you what to do because I don't know what your circumstances are physically and mentally but I know a lot of teens/younger people don't see a life outside of school and their home but there's a whole world outside of it.
You also sound really young, I'm not trying to tell you what to do because I don't know what your circumstances are physically and mentally but I know a lot of teens/younger people don't see a life outside of school and their home but there's a whole world outside of it.
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
Abortion, sexual assault, the love of my life leaving for good and now is happily in love, bankruptcy, my parents knowing about the abortion, having a rare autoimmune condition making it hard to live normally, then to top it all off, finding out that I have bipolar, failed the last few subjects of my uni degree, was fired from my job which will impact me on the jobs I get if I got my degree. I'm 24 and I've been through hell and it's not getting better.
This was the first place I could come to, where people wouldn't give me the whole, don't suicide talk. Please don't judge my situation because what I've written is only the few highlights. It's hard, devastingly hard to not be able to fix things. And even more so when don't want to die but you also don't want to live. I don't know what death will mean, especially because I grew up Catholic. But I hope there is some sort of mercy for me.
I am really sorry you've gone through all this.
Most people here aren't trying to tell you what to do, and believe me it's totally judgement-free because we're all here hanging on by a thread and seriously contemplating this ourselves. And some like myself are in that same boat where I don't want to die but don't want to live in my circumstances either.
Take it as us caring about you when we're just asking about where you are and what you're going through and seeing if there are any paths out of this. I don't think anyone's here to give you the classic taglines like "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Nobody actually knows that, but you are really young and still could have a shot, that's all I wanted to say, and I just wanted to chime in because you mentioned in the thread that you didn't know if you were ready. I always just hope someone is truly, 100% sure.
In the end it's your choice and I wish you the best either way.
Don't be, none of it was your doing.
I've considered all my options and tried going forward and what else not. I don't want to explain my condition but day by day just simple things like my hands hurting or the scarring in my lungs making it hard to breathe are hard. I'm weaker in general and on top of that, I know I couldn't even look after myself if it weren't for my parents. I understand it being as caring, however, sometimes it's just not enough.
I had a taste of the n when I opened it today. After receiving the package yesterday. It's going to be incredibly hard to down that drink. And even more so to keep it down. I have no idea if I will be lucky enough to die, I hope so. But I also won't be surprised if I come out even more damaged because that's the way my life has been.
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
Everything Joe said and no judgement here at all. Definitely be 100 percent sure
that now is the right time, your N isn't going anywhere. If you wait until you are 100 percent ready it might make it easier as you won't have that nagging doubt in the back of your mind.
That is terrible, it sucks, I wish there was a path because you're young. If you really are going through with it, I'm rooting for you that the other side exists where you'll be at peace and healthy.
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
It tastes that bad...the guide said you can mix it with OJ but it will just create more liquid to drink..can you think of anything that could make it palatable? Is it like doing a shot of hard liquor where its very hard to take down?
It tasted bitter, almost like alcohol but different. Yeah, I didn't want to dilute it to drink so much. I've bought some vodka and coke to drink after it. And some chocolate
That's what I'm afraid of with what the guide says, it doubles the amount of liquid. I've never even been good at chugging beer. If I ever go through with it, I'd have to maybe try the chocolate method. I have been solid at taking down hard liquor outside of whiskey so maybe it would be fine.
This makes me feel conflicted about being around here, I'm sad for you but I recgonize the difference in us as people. As a 36 year old with stage four cancer and one leg I was out in my wheelchair yesterday playing poker and life is just so beautiful. I could still find a real smile and the joy of life. I wish I didn't have to go...... Fwiw of spring for the hotel unless you are broke dont have family find you. housekeeping always comes in when you don't want anyhow lol just my 2c
Life can be beautiful. But that fades when really bad things happen sometimes. Then you just miss the beauty you once saw in it and it feels like you'll never really see it again. That's a big part of the sadness for me, I did get to experience what can make it beautiful and I don't see a way out to where I'll ever see it again.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 9,181
Just wanted to say I will miss you. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
I totally get where you are coming from because I feel the same way. Just existing, tired and hurting so much.
I think many of us feel this way.
I messed up what little good I had in my life as well. I wasn't smart enough for college. Life isn't getting better for me and never will. I'm just too tired to go on.
I don't see any alternative perhaps if I had a good life I wouldn't want to die. My family is religious as well... me ... not so much.
I don't know what is out there after this life but I don't see how we should have to suffer even more after we die.
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Just wanted to say I will miss you. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
I totally get where you are coming from because I feel the same way. Just existing, tired and hurting so much.
I think many of us feel this way.
I messed up what little good I had in my life as well. I wasn't smart enough for college. Life isn't getting better for me and never will. I'm just too tired to go on.
I don't see any alternative perhaps if I had a good life I wouldn't want to die. My family is religious as well... me ... not so much.
I don't know what is out there after this life but I don't see how we should have to suffer even more after we die.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 9,181
Awesome post.
Most of us on here want to die. I would never encourage them to stick around for what may years/decades more pain but I don't want to encourage them to CTB either. I just hope that they make the right choice for themselves and wish that they finally find peace. I know there is the selfish part of us that will miss them when they are gone.
I truly hope you find peace. (I'm sure I said it before)
I haven't opened my N yet. I'm also worried about the taste. I am considering adding a little flavor enhancer that I use to flavor water. It has sugar in it so I hope that will help with the taste. This isn't in anything I've read … just something I want to try to help with the taste.I've seen where Honey is recommended. I can't stand honey. (To drink anyway)
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sunny.sativa
organic
- Apr 2, 2019
- 317
Hi, it's late here, almost midnight, I don't know where you're at so idk if you've already set your fate, but I'm sorry. On behalf of all the horrible, fucked up people in this world and just.. the bad shit, I'm sorry.
I wish you would go on, but I know you're hurting. Hug your momma extra long before you go. She won't be having an easy time from now on.
We'll miss you. xx
I wish you would go on, but I know you're hurting. Hug your momma extra long before you go. She won't be having an easy time from now on.
We'll miss you. xx
Just wanted to say I will miss you. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
I totally get where you are coming from because I feel the same way. Just existing, tired and hurting so much.
I think many of us feel this way.
I messed up what little good I had in my life as well. I wasn't smart enough for college. Life isn't getting better for me and never will. I'm just too tired to go on.
I don't see any alternative perhaps if I had a good life I wouldn't want to die. My family is religious as well... me ... not so much.
I don't know what is out there after this life but I don't see how we should have to suffer even more after we die.
So many people do perfectly fine in life without college, I hope that's not the primary reason you are considering this. Obviously I don't know what else is going on your life that makes you feel that way though, there could be a lot of physical and mental factors. I hope you find peace either way and there are a lot of people to talk to here about advice if you have any kind of hope!
Halo13
Wizard
- May 9, 2019
- 671
I'm so sorry life has been cruel to you. As others have said, it may be best to get the hotel. I hope you find an end to your suffering, whichever way that might be.
I just wanted to make one last post on here, as I plan to not visit this site again. I really want to thank you guys for being so supportive, for the first time in a long time, I got some sort of hope wave. And in that, I realised that I can't always explain my pain and I can't make other people get it.
I poured all of the n down the drain, and I believe I'll give life another shot. This time, properly, instead of just existing in my room. I'm going to try to mend the past friendships I've lost - if they cant be, then I'll know I tried. Then try to make new friends. I'll try to mend my health as much as I can, not that everything can be fixed. And as far as bankruptcy goes, idk yet. Uni, idk.
But thank you again for everything.
I poured all of the n down the drain, and I believe I'll give life another shot. This time, properly, instead of just existing in my room. I'm going to try to mend the past friendships I've lost - if they cant be, then I'll know I tried. Then try to make new friends. I'll try to mend my health as much as I can, not that everything can be fixed. And as far as bankruptcy goes, idk yet. Uni, idk.
But thank you again for everything.
Only Me Here
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- Apr 29, 2019
- 263
I was thinking of you this whole time, best of luck in your journey, i wish you everything great in your life and in this world.❤
