Only thing stopping me is parents

[rabbithole]

I don't want to die, I just want my old life back but it isn't possible so I have come to terms with the fact that I have to die because my life is now constant suffering. But I cannot imagine the pain my parents will be in when they find out.

Anyone else not able to ctb because of someone?

it's not easy to think they'll feel some degree of the pain you feel. I wouldn't want someone feeling a fraction of the emotional pain I feel.

 

[HelloHell]

Yeah i felt like that a couple of years ago. I stayed alive because i didnt want my mom to be in pain
but now, i dont really care anymore. i guess im tired of living for other people's sake
but i understand what you mean, it's totally normal to feel that way

 

[theguineapigking]

My family(parents+Siblings) are holding me back. I truly believe that I'd be long gone by now, if it weren't for them. I feel bad for the pain they'd feel. I've gotten so close to going to the hotel and using my sn. I just could go through with it though.

I never wanted to be alive though... What do you miss about your old life, if you don't mind sharing? I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this bull crap too.

Also, I think many of us can relate to living for our parent(s), sibling(s), s/o, friend(s), etc.

 

[Ghost2211]

I know how it feels staying alive for others. only you can know if it's something you're able to do, and how long you can keep doing it. Give yourself the credit you deserve for your sacrifice, and do things for yourself that will make you feel good.

 

[rabbithole]

Yeah i felt like that a couple of years ago. I stayed alive because i didnt want my mom to be in pain
but now, i dont really care anymore. i guess im tired of living for other people's sake
but i understand what you mean, it's totally normal to feel that way

I get that. Eventually you come to a point where you can't consider other people...as unfortunate as that is. You just can't suffer any more, no matter who gets hurt. It's an awful situation to be in. My sister told me she'll spit on my grave if I ctb.

My family(parents+Siblings) are holding me back. I truly believe that I'd be long gone by now, if it weren't for them. I feel bad for the pain they'd feel. I've gotten so close to going to the hotel and

I never wanted to be alive though... What do you miss about your old life, if you don't mind sharing?

I think many of us can relate to living for our parent(s), sibling(s), s/o, friend(s), etc.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I also constantly fantasize about going to a hotel and getting it over with. It's tough to hang on by a thread for others.

I miss a whole lot but mainly peace of mind. I have a progressive neurological disease and it's taken a lot from me. Thank you for asking me.

is there anything about life you do like? Im assume from your username that you have guinea pigs?

I know how it feels staying alive for others. only you can know if it's something you're able to do, and how long you can keep doing it. Give yourself the credit you deserve for your sacrifice, and do things for yourself that will make you feel good.

Thank you for sending this message Rosey. It does feel like a sacrifice. My fear is that if I don't ctb while Im still rightfully upset about all that's happened to my life I'll become complacent in my suffering and will never do it. I don't know if that's a common feeling. Like...I'll become someone I really don't want to be but I'll be too depressed to do anything. It scares me. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. I hope you do things for yourself too.

 

[HelloHell]

I get that. Eventually you come to a point where you can't consider other people...as unfortunate as that is. You just can't suffer any more, no matter who gets hurt. It's an awful situation to be in. My sister told me she'll spit on my grave if I ctb.

well said. maybe your sister just doesn't want to be in pain knowing you ctb?

I miss a whole lot but mainly peace of mind. I have a progressive neurological disease and it's taken a lot from me. Thank you for asking me.

I'm sorry for your situation. It's certainly a tough situation to be in. You're amazing for holding on this far

 

[theguineapigking]

I get that. Eventually you come to a point where you can't consider other people...as unfortunate as that is. You just can't suffer any more, no matter who gets hurt. It's an awful situation to be in. My sister told me she'll spit on my grave if I ctb.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I also constantly fantasize about going to a hotel and getting it over with. It's tough to hang on by a thread for others.

I miss a whole lot but mainly peace of mind. I have a progressive neurological disease and it's taken a lot from me. Thank you for asking me.

is there anything about life you do like? Im assume from your username that you have guinea pigs?

Thank you for sending this message Rosey. It does feel like a sacrifice. My fear is that if I don't ctb while Im still rightfully upset about all that's happened to my life I'll become complacent in my suffering and will never do it. I don't know if that's a common feeling. Like...I'll become someone I really don't want to be but I'll be too depressed to do anything. It scares me. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. I hope you do things for yourself too.

Hi. I used to have guinea pigs, but they passed some years back. I just like the username! It's kind of corny though, so it seems to underestimate my depression!

Yeah, there are things in live I enjoy. I really like watching tv and playing video games+listening to music. I love my family. I love hanging out with my adorable toddler sister. She is pretty funny. She and the rest of my family definitely add to the difficulty of me ctb. Thanks for asking.

What about you? Is there anything that you enjoy? What about anything that you wish to do or accomplish before ctb, realistically, with Covid going on? How bad is the progressive neurological disease? Is it something that's progressing at a substantial rate? Or is it slowly getting worse?

 

[demuic]

I don't want to die, I just want my old life back but it isn't possible so I have come to terms with the fact that I have to die because my life is now constant suffering. But I cannot imagine the pain my parents will be in when they find out.

Anyone else not able to ctb because of someone?

it's not easy to think they'll feel some degree of the pain you feel. I wouldn't want someone feeling a fraction of the emotional pain I feel.

Yes, my mom. She said if I die it will kill her, I know it would. I feel trapped.

 

[awfullife]

Try having 2 little kids bro...its fucking terrible situation.

 

[rabbithole]

Try having 2 little kids bro...its fucking terrible situation.

I can't imagine. That has to be incredibly difficult.

Hi. I used to have guinea pigs, but they passed some years back. I just like the username! It's kind of corny though, so it seems to underestimate my depression!

Yeah, there are things in live I enjoy. I really like watching tv and playing video games+listening to music. I love my family. I love hanging out with my adorable toddler sister. She is pretty funny. She and the rest of my family definitely add to the difficulty of me ctb. Thanks for asking.

What about you? Is there anything that you enjoy? What about anything that you wish to do or accomplish before ctb, realistically, with Covid going on? How bad is the progressive neurological disease? Is it something that's progressing at a substantial rate? Or is it slowly getting worse?

It's a good username ! Maybe another guinea pig would be nice to have? Unless you're planning to ctb soon. Pet therapy is most effective IMO.

I enjoy my cats and coffee and thats truly about it. Used to be a major film and tv lover but I haven't been able to watch since getting injured...stirs up a lot of bad feelings for whatever reason...mostly just jealousy that I can't do the things the characters are doing.
I'm so glad you have things you enjoy. Hold onto those! Sometimes just coping is all we can do.

the disease seems to be progressing slowly. It was manageable for a year then become intolerable but it's already effected my bladder and I have no feeling in my groin So it's definitely disturbing my quality of life.

 

[usernameforhere]

I understand what you're saying, it would be really hard to leave the people I love behind

 

[LonelyDude15]

I'm mixed, I don't want them to feel bad but I am also very mad at them so I'm not sure how much I care. I just wish I could dissapear.

 

[Konjac]

Yeah... they'll probably be upset but in the long run they'd be better off without me. My parents have two other successful kids, and grandkids, so I don't think my death will make too much of a difference. All I do is waste their time and resources.

 

[rabbithole]

I'm mixed, I don't want them to feel bad but I am also very mad at them so I'm not sure how much I care. I just wish I could dissapear.

I feel that 100% man. Fall asleep and have my body just vanish. If I had the money and street smarts id hire a hitman to kill me and dispose of my body. But I'm broke and definitely too socially anxious to hire a hitman lol.

 

[Nimbus]

I can absolutely relate to this. The main reason I'm still here is because of my parents and my boyfriend. My parents are older (70s) and my boyfriend (we've been together 10+yrs) has lost so many loved ones in his life already. I feel like causing them that kind of pain just isn't fair when they've done so much for me in this life. At the same time, I can't keep living just for them. I don't want them to see me deteriorate any further nor become a greater burden to them. It's such a hard place to be in.

 

[rabbithole]

I can absolutely relate to this. The main reason I'm still here is because of my parents and my boyfriend. My parents are older (70s) and my boyfriend (we've been together 10+yrs) has lost so many loved ones in his life already. I feel like causing them that kind of pain just isn't fair when they've done so much for me in this life. At the same time, I can't keep living just for them. I don't want them to see me deteriorate any further nor become a greater burden to them. It's such a hard place to be in.

It sure is nimbus. I'm sorry you're in this position as well. It's hard to consider others at some point...then you feel like an awful person...then you have more ideation...bad cycle.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Mum yes dad no. Mum's dead dad wishes I was too.

 

[BRAINWORMS]

I feel your pain. My parents are the only reason I'm alive. x

 

[Caspers]

My family, my dogs and those few friends I have is what's keeping me. I hate living for others, but I can't stand the thought of hurting them, especially the dogs

 

[everbuzzingone]

My parents, close family, and good friends definitely keep me from CTB. Thing is, I don't want to die. I really want to live. But I can't keep living with such constant physical discomfort because it takes all of the enjoyment out of living.

For the first time in eight months yesterday I had a day where I had a little bit of respite from my issue, and I had no feelings of wanting to CTB or depressive thoughts. Of course, it didn't last long and now I'm back to square one. It's amazing how a constant physical issue can rip everything away from you.