Only happy in active psychosis

[prana]

I took a ton of DMT in 2022 and I had a psychotic break. The only unpleasant thing about it was police interactions. Other than that I was truly happy for the first time in my life. My brain just made up whatever I needed. I was lonely and needed to feel needed so my brain made up a fake family to take care of. There was a lot of other stuff too. I felt so happy and close to God.

I hate living in reality. Other drugs provide a brief reprieve but its nowhere near the same as genuine psychosis. I wish more than anything I could just live in my own reality for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I was not able to hold down a job and FBI involvement pushed my loved ones away too.

Every day it wears me down more and more and I don't have a reason to stay. I just want to go to Heaven like I believed during those few months. If I could induce it again I honestly would.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Honestly, you shouldn't be doing psychedelics if they cause you to have psychotic breaks.

I do get what you mean about hating living in reality. Sobriety sucks. Getting high is one of the fews I look forward to. Still, psychosis is unpredictable and can easily lead to shit worsening for you. A lot of people end up living in their own hell due to it.