Online "friends" and hurt

[AnnaJaspers]

I was a member of a certain discord which I won't disclose here and over the past few weeks I became very friendly with a certain person, intimate even. Today they ghosted me and when I called them out on it they were really nasty. So I unfriended them and left the server. Online chats are my only social discourse so this is a particularly bad blow.


Has anyone else had a similar experience?

 

[pole]

I was a member of a certain discord which I won't disclose here and over the past few weeks I became very friendly with a certain person, intimate even. Today they ghosted me and when I called them out on it they were really nasty. So I unfriended them and left the server. Online chats are my only social discourse so this is a particularly bad blow.


Has anyone else had a similar experience?

do you think they were having a bad day or there was reasoning behind there ghosting? perhaps their own struggles influencing and shaping their behavior? especially if there behavior came as a suprise and out of the blue.

iv had some similar experiences like that. but for most of the time, the person didnt mean it. they were just going through things that caused them to lash out or act a certain way that they usually never act like.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

do you think they were having a bad day or there was reasoning behind there ghosting? perhaps their own struggles influencing and shaping their behavior? especially if there behavior came as a suprise and out of the blue.

iv had some similar experiences like that. but for most of the time, the person didnt mean it. they were just going through things that caused them to lash out or act a certain way that they usually never act like.

I don;t think they were having a bad day since they were active with other members, just ignoring me specifically.

 

[Empty Smile]

That's one of the biggest problems with sites like this. People will come here, pretend they have a ton of problems, and look for a victim. Sadly, it sounds like you became a victim. No doubt he's on there looking for his next one.

Assholes like him know how vulnerable we are with our feelings, and can easily manipulate them.

 

[omoidarui]

I don;t think they were having a bad day since they were active with other members, just ignoring me specifically.

people don't just ghost each other for no reason though.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

people don't just ghost each other for no reason though.

Yes, they do. Are you saying I caused this ghosting?

 

[pole]

Yes, they do. Are you saying I caused this ghosting?

no definitely not. i think the persons just elaborated from what i said. usually people ghost for different reasons. but we see it from face value as just ghosting because we truly dont know the reasons of why :/.

 

[Alchemist]

Yeah, I've experienced it a lot of times, I lost contact with many people in that way.

 

[justanotherday]

Ah humans.... they can be so crappy!

 

[Mr2005]

There's someone like that on here. Likes everyones posts but mine just to make me feel like crap. Fuck em

 

[omoidarui]

Yes, they do. Are you saying I caused this ghosting?

no it's just that if the person who ghosted you posted their version of the incident on the forums with their reasoning etc. trying to vent then people would be posting in support for them on their thread like they are you now

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

online "friendships" can and never will be replace rl friendships

even though you can be ghosted in real life too obviously

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Online "friends" that when I'm around, or in Voice Chat with, make me feel even more alone... They're nothing like me at all. Sometimes like six of them all in VC at once, and they're speaking loudly, laughing like maniacs, and constantly talk over me when I try say anything; I barely do.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I was a member of a certain discord which I won't disclose here and over the past few weeks I became very friendly with a certain person, intimate even. Today they ghosted me and when I called them out on it they were really nasty. So I unfriended them and left the server. Online chats are my only social discourse so this is a particularly bad blow.


Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I've had it in both online and real life. Shit. I've had it here about 4 times now. It sucks tremendously and it's not your fault at all. I think the tough part about it all is not thinking it's a reflection on you but them. Those who've not experienced it, wouldn't understand what it feels like to the person being ghosted. In an ideal world if someone has an issue with you they would let you know but most times we aren't afforded that luxury these days. You keep your chin up. If you ever need to chat I'm here. I mean that.

 

[CURSED again]

i'm so new to all this stuff etc. that i had to just look up ghosting to see what it means. I notice as time goes on that everyone has so many more different levels of communication to deal with now as opposed to the past. It can become overly complicated very quickly. Its helpful in some ways but can also be counterproductive and hurtful, stressful at times - i just wish people could be nice to each other or at least polite -try not to let it get you down @AnnaJaspers

 

[iiii5555]

That happens sometimes. An important thing to bear in mind is that people aren't entirely coherent by nature, so they are prone to hurting you. But one thing i can assure you: If your goal is to make friends and improve your social life, you're not going to accomplish that objective by mourning your occasional failures. And you should not misconstrue this advice as some kind of personal attack, i'm only attempting to comfort you with what I consider to be a maxim with which to live. If you believe that you don't have enough friends, as you seem to have insinuated, you will gain nothing from regretting the loss of a potential friendship, and that will only depress you further -- you cannot change anything from the past.
It doesn't matter weather that particular peson had some thing agains't you or not; their motives are meaningless to your situation now. Don't ruminate on the reasoning behind their actions and don't bother yourself with the "legitimacy" of your feeling in relation to that. Afteral, this whole situation was beyond your control and you can't do anything to salvage it anymore, so the most productive thing you can do is manage your emotions and move on. You're going to find yourself in a myriad of similar circumstances, and you shall think on how you can modify your behavior in order to better deal with them.

This was a learning experience and nothing more. Be glad. Happiness is increased by rationally evaluating the world and modifying your behavior. Holding on to your "lingering mistakes" is useless, thus delusional by definition. The more delusional you are, the less you're able to be happy.

 

[oopswronglife]

Yeah the more you need the interaction, the worse the betrayal and abandonment hurts. Nobody likes it in the best of times, but when you are desperate in all ways its just even more raw and miserable. The internet has both exposed and created monsters. Most of us didn't want to believe how many there were. All you can do is use your best guess based on someone's behavior because living alone in a cave with no contact is not sustainable either. The people who aren't their true selves and who aren't decent are pretty obvious in short order because they will always behave as per their nature even in small ways. As Maya Angelou said, or something like it, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".

 

[Life sucks]

I can't count how many times people disappeared. For example, when I talked about my child abuse story to someone who was a friend for long time, they completely abandoned me. There is no static thing and humans are random and unpredictable and we can't deal with them.
I hate interacting even online but sometimes I feel like I really need at least one person to talk.