Discussion Once the suicide ideation starts, can it actually ever go away?

[CravingPeace]

This is inspired by a recent comment thread. It seems like to me, that my first real encounter with CTB ideation in December was like opening Pandora's Box. Once it was perceived as a real, positive outcome, it feels like there's no going back. The "point of no return", has already been reached, now it is just my SI attempting to stave off what is destined to happen.

How do yall feel about this?

 

[deadbidaylight]

I agree with you from my personal experience. I can't speak for others. I was never suicidal until I had severe PPD after having my daughter. Ever since, it's come and gone but it always comes back. I fight daily to stay alive for her. I really do hope I never give up the fight. She doesn't deserve that.

 

[Rose Mine]

My therapist told me it may never go away. I don't know how to deal with that honestly. I don't know how I can deal with suicidal urges my for the rest of my life

 

[Soontocatch]

Yep you are pretty much right it's been about a year since I had these thoughts but once I began acting on it and started actively researching and collecting the items that I needed to CTB the point of no return was reached ig. Now the only thing holding me back is SI and the probability that if I end up surviving,the consequences are too high.Hence I am waiting for the perfect time where even if I were to survive I don't end up in a really bad spot.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

This is inspired by a recent comment thread. It seems like to me, that my first real encounter with CTB ideation in December was like opening Pandora's Box. Once it was perceived as a real, positive outcome, it feels like there's no going back. The "point of no return", has already been reached, now it is just my SI attempting to stave off what is destined to happen.

How do yall feel about this?

It can go away. Depression may be something you deal with forever to some degree, but for many many people it's a manageable condition. My depression has improved and worsened many times, but my mother is a better example. She dealt with very bad depression when she was younger but is now doing far better and only has a short depressive episode maybe once every few years. Things can improve, and just because you seriously consider suicide doesn't change that fact. Your depression is telling you that just considering suicide means it is going to happen or that you will never feel any different. It isn't true, and there is hope for you!

I can't promise you anything, but I can tell you the true facts that depression can improve, suicidal impulses can lessen or go away with treatment.

 

[CravingPeace]

Yep you are pretty much right it's been about a year since I had these thoughts but once I began acting on it and started actively researching and collecting the items that I needed to CTB the point of no return was reached ig. Now the only thing holding me back is SI and the probability that if I end up surviving,the consequences are too high.Hence I am waiting for the perfect time where even if I were to survive I don't end up in a really bad spot.

That's how I feel. After I was actually in a psych ward for ideation, it opened a whole new can of worms. And now I can't actually discuss my intentions in real life because it will just mean I'll get sent back to the ward, and I can't do that again, it was torturous. I have to fight this by myself, and it seems like a losing battle.

It can go away. Depression may be something you deal with forever to some degree, but for many many people it's a manageable condition. My depression has improved and worsened many times, but my mother is a better example. She dealt with very bad depression when she was younger but is now doing far better and only has a short depressive episode maybe once every few years. Things can improve, and just because you seriously consider suicide doesn't change that fact. Your depression is telling you that just considering suicide means it is going to happen or that you will never feel any different. It isn't true, and there is hope for you!

I can't promise you anything, but I can tell you the true facts that depression can improve, suicidal impulses can lessen or go away with treatment.

My depression has definitely come and gone.. Even in December I was extremely morose and depressed, which sent me to the psych ward. But now with some different medications I feel emotionally better, however now that CTB is an option I have explored, it seems like the logical answer. Like, not in always in a "woe is me" fashion, but "it makes sense to end my suffering" type of way. Idk. I'm obsessing over it.

 

[waistcoat]

i've been passively suicidal since i was 12, actively suicidal since 19, i'd like to believe one day it will all go away, but it's been years and i'm gradually running out of that hope.

 

[wiggy]

Asking this on a suicide forum, you're not going to hear from someone who has definitively gotten over suicidal impulses. Plenty of people have suicidal ideations at one or multiple specific points, then for whatever reason get over it and never think of it again.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me wanting to not exist is all I know, my wish to cease existing is a response to being burdened with this existence and is a result of existence itself, no matter what I truly would prefer to not exist, for me personally non-existence really is all see as desirable, existence itself is the true problem to me. I'd never wish for this futile, torturous existence, I just wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep instead and it's horrific to me how a human can suffer for so long with no limit as to how much agony they can feel just to die tortured by old age, for me it'll all only go away in non-existence.

 

[Hollowman]

Not for me. It's been thirty eight years off and on. So tiring.

 

[CravingPeace]

Asking this on a suicide forum, you're not going to hear from someone who has definitively gotten over suicidal impulses. Plenty of people have suicidal ideations at one or multiple specific points, then for whatever reason get over it and never think of it again.

Hahaha great picture reference, you're totally right.

 

[rs929]

It did get better for me when the last episode was over. Now the depression is back and so are the suicidal thoughts.

 

[Fraggle77]

I agree with you from my personal experience. I can't speak for others. I was never suicidal until I had severe PPD after having my daughter. Ever since, it's come and gone but it always comes back. I fight daily to stay alive for her. I really do hope I never give up the fight. She doesn't deserve that.

This! I too have struggled since having PPD after having my second child 18 years ago. I can go for months without thinking about CTB however I find this time of year the hardest, which coincidentally is the time I got diagnosed. It's a constant battle with my mind. This week I've planned my departure. Next week could be different. It's exhausting

 

[deadbidaylight]

This! I too have struggled since having PPD after having my second child 18 years ago. I can go for months without thinking about CTB however I find this time of year the hardest, which coincidentally is the time I got diagnosed. It's a constant battle with my mind. This week I've planned my departure. Next week could be different. It's exhausting

It really is exhausting. And I'm not sure where you're from, but this time of year in Canada is especially hard. It's cold and dark, and not often do I see the sun. Seasonal affective disorder plagues me. Thankfully spring is around the corner!

PPD is so unbelievably hard. No one really gets it unless you've been through it. It is debilitating. And I'm not sure it ever goes away. I live with it daily, and my daughter is 6. Something in me changed, and I think it's just who I am now.

I hope that next week looks up for you. I get so sad when I see parents at the end of their rope. It's hypocritical for me to say that, but I can't help it. But regardless, I feel your pain.

 

[Fraggle77]

It really is exhausting. And I'm not sure where you're from, but this time of year in Canada is especially hard. It's cold and dark, and not often do I see the sun. Seasonal affective disorder plagues me. Thankfully spring is around the corner!

PPD is so unbelievably hard. No one really gets it unless you've been through it. It is debilitating. And I'm not sure it ever goes away. I live with it daily, and my daughter is 6. Something in me changed, and I think it's just who I am now.

I hope that next week looks up for you. I get so sad when I see parents at the end of their rope. It's hypocritical for me to say that, but I can't help it. But regardless, I feel your pain.

It's the hardest thing, having to battle with your mind.