I have always known this since the day I became depressed and always taken 100% full ownership of it. I feel intense guilt about it every day ever since. I regret ever telling anyone when I was 11 that I was being abused, if I kept my mouth shut and kept pretending that everything was fine and could continue to block it out like I had been, I wouldn't have angered everyone and caused my mental health to be in the state that it is in today. Worst desicion of my life.
You seem to be judging your 11 year old self extremely harshly for not staying quiet about a serious wrong that was done to you through no fault of your own. It is most definitely not your 'fault' that caregivers who should have acted to protect and help you instead appear to have blamed the victim.
Fwiw I was a victim of incest at 9 (my father) and only realised what it was when I was 11. I did NOT tell anyone until I was 20, and felt like I was blamed for not telling my mother at the time. I had my reasons! The child in that situation is NEVER to blame, period. The responsibility is on the parents/caregivers if they failed to protect or blamed an innocent child for having been violated and their innocence and trust stolen.
At 11 you should not even have to make 'decisions' as weighty as that. Please never blame and hate on yourself for the shortcomings, mistakes and evil deeds done by others.
This will be unpopular but whatever.
The world is messed up in a lot of ways but for everyone living in a 1st world country the standard of living is so high that it IS the fault of the depressed person that they are suicidal.
Someone can be depressed and it not be "their fault" but wanting to commit suicide is definitely on the individual. Plenty of people live very shit lives, some where they are depressed for years, but they never take things to the length of planning their suicide.
"B-But my situation is-" No. You are simply weak mentally, for whatever reason (there are many). Even someone who is depressed does not go this far because they are better put together than people like us... its that simple. We messed up and they did not. They are smarter, have better control of themselves, etc.
Not hating just telling the truth.
'The truth' as you see it remains your opinion. My impression of this site is that many if not most members who post already hate on and blame themselves disproportionately for what has gone on in their lives. Perhaps this includes you. Your post while it has received some interesting responses is not helpful in my opinion, and merely feeds into that self loathing.
Arguably we are actually strong for everything we survived and continue to live with from one day to the next. Arguably it takes strength and courage to go through with ctb that many here have not yet mustered.
Oh and as others commented it is a nonsense to say 'those in a first world country have no excuse' (I'm paraphrasing your argument for brevity). That just isn't how it works. It's also somewhat insulting to 'developing' countries. We judge and are judged by what we see around us. Do you live in or have you ever been to a poorer or less developed country? There are plenty of happy people there who seem to be living their best lives. Studies have shown that there is not only less depression, anxiety and so forth, the prognosis for severe mental health conditions like schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders is actually better there. What does that tell you.
I'm not denying that desperate poverty is a terrible thing but poverty is relative to the society we happen to find ourselves in and there are sooo many other considerations that determine happiness! Chief among those are strong family ties and social networks.
