CentreMid

CentreMid

Sorry
Aug 23, 2018
478
TLDR: Speaking specifically about the pro-lifers in our everyday lives and inner circles, their reasons for wanting us to not die are selfish no matter which way you slice it. This isn't about pro-lifers who speak about suicidality in a general sense, rather, the people we know personally, who know about our suicidal tendencies, and who still insist on not respecting our choices.

Speaking specifically about the people in our circles that know about our suicidality, they don't actually care about us recovering or thriving. They're trying to save their own skin and keep us around to feed their own egos. The ways in which we feed into their egos varies, and most often, it's a mix of ways. Regardless of the reason, it's all selfish, and they would realize that their pro-life rhetoric holds little value, if at all, if only they would sit back and actually do some self-reflection.

For some, they are pro-life beacuse of uncertainty. People like to have certainty and control over their lives, and our suicides are a reminder that the people in our lives do not control us, and that nothing is certain. For those of us that will leave without a note, the people in our lives will never know if they were the cause of our deaths (or contributed to it), and they don't want to live with that uncertainty. They would rather have a clean conscience by keeping us alive instead of wondering if they were the reason for our deaths because the uncertainty is too much for them to handle. Even if we explicitly state that those people are not the cause of our deaths, they will feel guilty about not being able to stop it.

Stemming from the previous thought, the individuals in our lives who don't want us to die may also feel guilty about not being able to stop our suicide because they're afraid of not being good enough. They don't want to feel like they weren't good enough at keeping us alive. They never stop and think that we ourselves, the suicidal, don't feel like we're good enough. They fail to empathize and instead force us to remain alive for their own benefit. They expect us to stick around and give them positive affirmations, while giving nothing in return. But being "good enough to save somebody" means very little when it comes to the things people can't control, and the faster the pro-lifers learn that, the easier it will be for them to accept our deaths and move on.

Another way in which we feed into their egos by being alive is lonliness. Pro-lifers in our own circles don't want us to go because they're afraid of being alone. They would rather have the company of someone they don't particularly care about over nobody at all. Again, they fail to see how isolated we feel, and that, if they truly cared about us, they wouldn't keep stringing us along, just keeping us close enough so we won't leave, but never close enough for us to feel valued. They would either respect our choice to let go, or put more effort into knowing us and making us feel valued.

To recap, the pro-lifers in our day-to-day lives don't actually care about our wellbeing. They only care about us and how our suicide might affect them, not about what drove us to this point or how we feel. Until they learn to take a step back and do some self-reflection, learn to see things from other points of view, and practice empathy, any reason they have for wanting us to stay alive will always be selfish no matter which way you slice it.

Anywho, these are just my thoughts. To anyone who's read this far, thanks for reading! If anyone has anything to add, go for it
 
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cogmachine

cogmachine

hurk urk blergh
Feb 22, 2023
96
i wholeheartedly agree with you. speaking from personal experience, when a friend told me they gave up on trying to help me because they couldn't get romantically involved with me, it really stung. quite an eye-opener to how little their shallow words mean. it's painful when they want to keep you around in their circle and brush it off as if nothing is wrong, until it's too late and they scramble a bunch of shitty motivational quotes in order to somehow fix your years / decades worth of suffering. what a joke. their hero complex and thinking they can magically make it go away is baffling. "i'm here for you" until they're not.
 
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notwhereIbelong

notwhereIbelong

I'm so tired
Feb 12, 2023
118
Yes, every time someone tells me not to mention wanting to kill myself or not wanting me to do it, it's very clear that they're only saying it to save themselves from the aftermath.
If they actually cared about us, they'd try to help us, to hear us out, whether that be letting us go along with CTB or helping us get better; but instead, they can only think of themselves
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,856
It's true that people like that really are so self centred even if they pretend to care. It could never be caring when someone is unable to respect the decision of a suicidal person. But I just think the reality is that no matter what those people think nobody is obligated to exist even know losing someone to suicide would upset them. Grief and loss are just an inevitable part of life after all.
 
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imlookingforward

imlookingforward

why so blue?
Mar 8, 2023
49
every time i have a conversation about it it always circles around to how they'll be affected by my suicide… what about how i feel. i'm sad too. i'm the one who's suffering the most because of my life
 
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A

Albertarnation

Member
Oct 9, 2023
5
TLDR: Speaking specifically about the pro-lifers in our everyday lives and inner circles, their reasons for wanting us to not die are selfish no matter which way you slice it. This isn't about pro-lifers who speak about suicidality in a general sense, rather, the people we know personally, who know about our suicidal tendencies, and who still insist on not respecting our choices.

Speaking specifically about the people in our circles that know about our suicidality, they don't actually care about us recovering or thriving. They're trying to save their own skin and keep us around to feed their own egos. The ways in which we feed into their egos varies, and most often, it's a mix of ways. Regardless of the reason, it's all selfish, and they would realize that their pro-life rhetoric holds little value, if at all, if only they would sit back and actually do some self-reflection.

For some, they are pro-life beacuse of uncertainty. People like to have certainty and control over their lives, and our suicides are a reminder that the people in our lives do not control us, and that nothing is certain. For those of us that will leave without a note, the people in our lives will never know if they were the cause of our deaths (or contributed to it), and they don't want to live with that uncertainty. They would rather have a clean conscience by keeping us alive instead of wondering if they were the reason for our deaths because the uncertainty is too much for them to handle. Even if we explicitly state that those people are not the cause of our deaths, they will feel guilty about not being able to stop it.

Stemming from the previous thought, the individuals in our lives who don't want us to die may also feel guilty about not being able to stop our suicide because they're afraid of not being good enough. They don't want to feel like they weren't good enough at keeping us alive. They never stop and think that we ourselves, the suicidal, don't feel like we're good enough. They fail to empathize and instead force us to remain alive for their own benefit. They expect us to stick around and give them positive affirmations, while giving nothing in return. But being "good enough to save somebody" means very little when it comes to the things people can't control, and the faster the pro-lifers learn that, the easier it will be for them to accept our deaths and move on.

Another way in which we feed into their egos by being alive is lonliness. Pro-lifers in our own circles don't want us to go because they're afraid of being alone. They would rather have the company of someone they don't particularly care about over nobody at all. Again, they fail to see how isolated we feel, and that, if they truly cared about us, they wouldn't keep stringing us along, just keeping us close enough so we won't leave, but never close enough for us to feel valued. They would either respect our choice to let go, or put more effort into knowing us and making us feel valued.

To recap, the pro-lifers in our day-to-day lives don't actually care about our wellbeing. They only care about us and how our suicide might affect them, not about what drove us to this point or how we feel. Until they learn to take a step back and do some self-reflection, learn to see things from other points of view, and practice empathy, any reason they have for wanting us to stay alive will always be selfish no matter which way you slice it.

Anywho, these are just my thoughts. To anyone who's read this far, thanks for reading! If anyone has anything to add, go for it
I see where you are coming from, though do recognize that not everybody is this shallow.
The thing I agree with the most is "…us to remain alive for their own benefit."
Some people genuinely just love you, they want to see you every day, they care for you. And sure it is all very selfish. Wanting a suffering person to stay alive is selfish. And ending your life when other people need you/it will hurt others is arguably selfish as well. So, we're all selfish, fuck selfishness, do not worry about it, do what you need to do.
Yes, every time someone tells me not to mention wanting to kill myself or not wanting me to do it, it's very clear that they're only saying it to save themselves from the aftermath.
If they actually cared about us, they'd try to help us, to hear us out, whether that be letting us go along with CTB or helping us get better; but instead, they can only
i wholeheartedly agree with you. speaking from personal experience, when a friend told me they gave up on trying to help me because they couldn't get romantically involved with me, it really stung. quite an eye-opener to how little their shallow words mean. it's painful when they want to keep you around in their circle and brush it off as if nothing is wrong, until it's too late and they scramble a bunch of shitty motivational quotes in order to somehow fix your years / decades worth of suffering. what a joke. their hero complex and thinking they can magically make it go away is baffling. "i'm here for you" until they're not.
Quite unrelated, but "shitty motivational quotes" gave me a laugh. Cheers.
 
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