jussrav
Experienced
- Sep 9, 2023
- 237
So basically precovid was loving my life. I was in my own flat. I was working in a call centre when covid struck. Was on my own during this. My mum would say Rav come and stay with us. I thought about it spoke to two colleagues about it one said oh staying om own is more fun. I spoke to another colleague who didn't answer so I thought whats the worst thst can happen carry on living. Covid lockdown was hard. I still felt alone. One day I invited a friend around and this ruined my life. Her dad was ill she was asymptomatic came round and infected me. I then got long covid for 2 years and ended up with a pituitary tumour on my brain. It wont kill me but if it grows I will go blind. I got better from the long covid and after a month a crisis health worker came to my flat. She said she was ill when she was sitting with me after 10 minutes. She infected me with covid again. The long covid started again I still have alot of symptoms such as brain fog seizures etc. Since this I am a different person the old person is dead. My mental health was getting worse I wasn't getting up due to the pain I was in and was sitting around alot which wasn't good. I moved in with my parents was still struggling mentally when my mum said do u want to go on holiday. At the time I was going to start a new job in a hotel and also I had a tenant staying in my flat as I did air b n b. I made a really bad decision and kept saying to my mum oh I will stay here as I will be making some money from the tenant etc. During my time at home my mental health suffered further. I still don't get why I stayed with a stranger when I could have had the best time in dubai surrounded by loved ones.As I was at my flat I felt depressed was not getting up etc and my mental health deteriorated and it affected my sleep. It slowly reduced due to me being complacent. I can now only sleep from 11pm to 4am.if I sleep anymore I get worse. This is me for life now. I can no longer sleep in nothing. If I'd gone on holiday I would have relaxed woke up and been around family and nice weather. Now I dont sleep I wake up every hour. My eyes are like hollow eyes with big bags. My siblings dont talk to me. My doctor stopped prescribing me anti depressants , the cpn etc has put me on tablets that don't work and I have a reaction to. I wake up scared and heaving with really bad headaches. My mental health is terrible. All I wanted in my life was to be around family and be loved. I was thrown out my parents house when I was 30 by my brother as I was hVing intrusive thoughts to harm my niece. I dont even know if it was intrusive or if I was just doing it for attention I really dont know it was me being stupid. Since then now I live alone with no partner. Before covid I was training to be a paramedic now I cant even get a job as a receptionist due to my mental health. I have failed in life and will be in regret forever of whats happened. I hVe messed up my life. Most doctors, cpn put me down all the time, crisis teams have a go at me. I ruined my life myself. Now I live a lonely existence. Death is only answer for me. I can't believe how my life is.
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