GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Prologue:
One of the purposes of the Offtopic forum is to let off some steam, so I'm going to do that with this thread.
I recognize some people are going to disagree with my views, and I dread that there will be arguing here. I know some folks agree with masks, social distancing, and other COVID preventative measures. I'm not trying to impose my views on anyone, they are mine, and I want a space to let them out. If anyone disagrees with my views, okey dokey, I'm cool that our views don't align. But I hope that you'll hear my heart here rather than an attack on your views, which this is most definitely NOT. I support you having your own views, I support your right to think what you think and feel what you feel, even if I engage in debate. But I need to support my own thoughts and feelings for a moment and talk about them, and I am in need of support. I suppose it's like train method threads -- folks argue against it (including me), while there are simultaneously always a few who have no personal issues with it and offer the support requested. I hope folks can respect that this thread is about me, not them; it is about my train, not their SN. If you have an alternate point of view, please, would you please start another thread? If you do, and you want me to stay off of it and keep my views out of it, would you please ask me to do so that I can respect your space as I'm asking you to respect mine? I need this space. Please. I am hurting. I need to lose my shit a bit and not have the open wounds poked at while I'm exposing them. I don't want to be reasoned with or soothed. I want and need to vent. I want solidarity and/or compassion, or else I want crickets.
_____________________
I have always had an issue with masks that cover my nose and mouth. I feel the increased CO (CO2? who gives a fuck) and the restriction of oxygen. It makes the bridge of my nose tickle, and along with the O2 restriction, I experience anxiety. I. hate. anxiety. And I. hate. masks.
I am an expat in Mexico, where social restrictions have been much slower to catch on. I enjoyed it while it lasted. I shop at WalMart because they have the best selection of foods beyond Mexican basics, so I can purchase and cook foods I'm used to. About a month ago, WalMart put tape on the floor at checkouts to create social distancing. I can manage that. I've felt blessed that supplies are in abundance, including toilet paper. It's nothing like in the States and the UK. There are no long lines outside stores, they're actually pretty quiet. Home deliveries have gone up, which means I have to wait days longer for deliveries when I order from home, but again, not a big deal.
Today, however, I was blocked from entering WalMart without a face mask. I was frustrated because I didn't have enough cash to buy one, something I was planning to take care of inside with my shopping (getting cash, that is), and could not buy a mask inside without already fucking wearing one. But there were vendors outside, and the masks cost ten pesos. I was a few pesos short, but the woman was kind enough to sell me one anyway. Within a minute, I was feeling the stress reaction, so I lowered the mask to free my nostrils. No one said anything about it, but I don't know how long before security decides to not let it slide. A lot of things in Mexico slide, but I anticipate this won't be allowed.
Another challenge is that I am haltingly fluent in Spanish. It is now so much more difficult to understand people when their voices are muffled by masks, and I can't watch their mouths.
I'm also just pissed about how, worldwide, people are being controlled and forced to participate if they want to move about freely. I'm not religious and I don't buy into the end times stories of Revelations, but it feels akin to the mark of the beast that if people don't accept it, they will not be able to participate in the world. I hear on this forum and in other places a desire to fight the system, but what can one do when the system has so much power?
Social distancing and wearing masks are but two examples of such restrictions against which the individual must suffer and lose basic liberties in order to maintain a semblance of them. It happened with the US post-9/11, when "security" trumped the Constitution, and twenty years later, the Patriot Act keeps getting renewed. Now, in order to travel between Mexico and the US, I have to submit to biometric screening before boarding a plane or I cannot travel. I state out loud before complying that I don't like it, but my voice does nothing.
I posted in the COVID megathread a story that smartphones are going to be equipped with COVID sensors and Google is a part of it -- we have become reliant on smartphones, and they are being turned against us. Smartphones are already being manufactured so that the batteries cannot be removed, this has been going on for a couple of years, so now folks have lost the liberty of not being tracked when they aren't using the device for tools such as maps or ordering an Uber. We fucking rely on the "gift" of technology, and we are being fucked by it.
The other thing that bugs the utter fuck out of me, and I feel so powerless about it, is that crises are often manufactured in order to incite fear so that people will be grateful, or at least comply (not that they have a choice) when a solution is offered, such as the days following 9/11 when every day had a color-coded level of terrorist threat. Enter airport screening, violating strip searches, being limited to carrying no more than 2 oz of liquids through security and having to make expensive purchases in airport shops AFTER the screening. Enter the Patriot Act and spying on the private communications of everyday Americans. Enter secret FISA courts and putting non-suspicious people on watchlists.
In the case of COVID, one solution will be a vaccine, and people are already anxiously awaiting it with great hope. I have never had a flu shot, I have only had the flu a couple of times in my life, and although medical authorities claim in the doctor's office as well as in the media that one cannot get the flu from the shot, there are abundant stories that people do get very sick from it. What if a COVID vaccine becomes enforced, and even more people die from it? Even worse, what if those who refuse it are excluded from basic social and civil liberties until they comply? What if they can't buy groceries, rent a home, or enter social public spaces?
At what point do I say fuck this and catch the bus out of this hellhole? My worry is that I will wait too long, suffocating behind a goddamned mask and herded into a vaccination facility or a detention facility for non-compliance. Or have my water and electricity cut off, or have social policing mobs outside my door, forcing me to protest by starving or just light the goddamned charcoal or chug the SN.
I'm not a fan of fearmongering, and I don't want to do that to others here. I am genuinely and rationally concerned about all the events of the past twenty years since 9/11 that make the populace like frogs in a pot of water that's turned up degree by degree so that we don't even know we're being boiled to death, and the controls to turn off the burners are not in our reach.
This world fucking sucks. It's no longer a matter of one country sucking in different ways than other countries. It all. fucking. sucks. on a global scale.
Someone posted today on the Suicide Forum about a doctor who ctb'd and was praised for being a hero. As with the majority of suicides, a reason was decided upon for why she did it, in a voice other than her own. Her father decided it was the pressures of her job based on COVID. Great that he was compassionate about her choice, but it was still speculation, better than but truly no different than the speculations of Shawn Shatto's or Callie Lewis's families. And this new story feeds into the media narrative, and the narrative of whoever controls the media, that COVID is a massive world crisis, and security measures that curtail liberties must be put in place for the protection of all. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, if you're willing to give up a little liberty in exchange for security, you're boiling your own water, frog.
Yet what fucking choice do we truly have? And, Jesus, what utter bullshit in these "woke" times that people, at least in the Western world, have to choose liberty or death. As long as the major media outlets are controlled by corporations and oligarchies, all deaths, including suicides, will be manipulated to support a narrative rather than tell the truth.
I am so pissed. And now I have to deal with anxiety. Fuck the goddamned masks, and fuck whoever or whatever is behind this crisis. Fuck there being no God and no karma to make people pay for being controlling, greedy shits, for not shining a light on them and empowering undeserving victims; it hasn't happened in this history of the world, and it's shit to wake up to that knowledge, and to keep waking up to it anew with each new restriction. Fuck the human potential movement and the self-help movement that said we all have a purpose, that we can each make a difference. Fuck it all. Fuck hope and fuck hopelessness. Fuck cruelty for having more practical power than kindness, compassion, and respect for autonomy. Fuck the Age of Enlightenment that inspired the seductive illusion of democracy, yet another opiate for the masses.
Fuck banks. Fuck capitalism. Fuck everything. Just fuck. Fuck the fucking goddamn masks. Fuck taking away my fucking right to unrestricted oxygen because I have lungs and nostrils and a mouth and I HAVE TO BREATHE BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN.
Fuck all of this.
When I get mad enough, when I awaken enough, I hope it's soon enough. It would be best for me to be done. The world will not be a better place without me in it, but the world is a shit place for me to be in. Fucking fuck fuck shit ass fuck hell goddamnit fuck fuck.
FUUUUUCK!
I don't know who I'm saying this to, but I have to say it, to grunt it and shriek it, to grab my hair and say from damn near everything in me, like I'm straining from the worst constipation, to whoever or whatever is behind this, and to whoever or whatever doesn't stop it: FUCK YOU. Not that you give a goddamn. It's not like you have to, you pathetic, pussy, pieces of shit hiding behind anything that keeps you from having to fight fist to fist in a fair fight. But that's the way of the world, isn't it? Jesus said heaven belongs to the meek, but I think that was his own opiate. You fucking win. Whoop de doo for you.
One of the purposes of the Offtopic forum is to let off some steam, so I'm going to do that with this thread.
I recognize some people are going to disagree with my views, and I dread that there will be arguing here. I know some folks agree with masks, social distancing, and other COVID preventative measures. I'm not trying to impose my views on anyone, they are mine, and I want a space to let them out. If anyone disagrees with my views, okey dokey, I'm cool that our views don't align. But I hope that you'll hear my heart here rather than an attack on your views, which this is most definitely NOT. I support you having your own views, I support your right to think what you think and feel what you feel, even if I engage in debate. But I need to support my own thoughts and feelings for a moment and talk about them, and I am in need of support. I suppose it's like train method threads -- folks argue against it (including me), while there are simultaneously always a few who have no personal issues with it and offer the support requested. I hope folks can respect that this thread is about me, not them; it is about my train, not their SN. If you have an alternate point of view, please, would you please start another thread? If you do, and you want me to stay off of it and keep my views out of it, would you please ask me to do so that I can respect your space as I'm asking you to respect mine? I need this space. Please. I am hurting. I need to lose my shit a bit and not have the open wounds poked at while I'm exposing them. I don't want to be reasoned with or soothed. I want and need to vent. I want solidarity and/or compassion, or else I want crickets.
_____________________
I have always had an issue with masks that cover my nose and mouth. I feel the increased CO (CO2? who gives a fuck) and the restriction of oxygen. It makes the bridge of my nose tickle, and along with the O2 restriction, I experience anxiety. I. hate. anxiety. And I. hate. masks.
I am an expat in Mexico, where social restrictions have been much slower to catch on. I enjoyed it while it lasted. I shop at WalMart because they have the best selection of foods beyond Mexican basics, so I can purchase and cook foods I'm used to. About a month ago, WalMart put tape on the floor at checkouts to create social distancing. I can manage that. I've felt blessed that supplies are in abundance, including toilet paper. It's nothing like in the States and the UK. There are no long lines outside stores, they're actually pretty quiet. Home deliveries have gone up, which means I have to wait days longer for deliveries when I order from home, but again, not a big deal.
Today, however, I was blocked from entering WalMart without a face mask. I was frustrated because I didn't have enough cash to buy one, something I was planning to take care of inside with my shopping (getting cash, that is), and could not buy a mask inside without already fucking wearing one. But there were vendors outside, and the masks cost ten pesos. I was a few pesos short, but the woman was kind enough to sell me one anyway. Within a minute, I was feeling the stress reaction, so I lowered the mask to free my nostrils. No one said anything about it, but I don't know how long before security decides to not let it slide. A lot of things in Mexico slide, but I anticipate this won't be allowed.
Another challenge is that I am haltingly fluent in Spanish. It is now so much more difficult to understand people when their voices are muffled by masks, and I can't watch their mouths.
I'm also just pissed about how, worldwide, people are being controlled and forced to participate if they want to move about freely. I'm not religious and I don't buy into the end times stories of Revelations, but it feels akin to the mark of the beast that if people don't accept it, they will not be able to participate in the world. I hear on this forum and in other places a desire to fight the system, but what can one do when the system has so much power?
Social distancing and wearing masks are but two examples of such restrictions against which the individual must suffer and lose basic liberties in order to maintain a semblance of them. It happened with the US post-9/11, when "security" trumped the Constitution, and twenty years later, the Patriot Act keeps getting renewed. Now, in order to travel between Mexico and the US, I have to submit to biometric screening before boarding a plane or I cannot travel. I state out loud before complying that I don't like it, but my voice does nothing.
I posted in the COVID megathread a story that smartphones are going to be equipped with COVID sensors and Google is a part of it -- we have become reliant on smartphones, and they are being turned against us. Smartphones are already being manufactured so that the batteries cannot be removed, this has been going on for a couple of years, so now folks have lost the liberty of not being tracked when they aren't using the device for tools such as maps or ordering an Uber. We fucking rely on the "gift" of technology, and we are being fucked by it.
The other thing that bugs the utter fuck out of me, and I feel so powerless about it, is that crises are often manufactured in order to incite fear so that people will be grateful, or at least comply (not that they have a choice) when a solution is offered, such as the days following 9/11 when every day had a color-coded level of terrorist threat. Enter airport screening, violating strip searches, being limited to carrying no more than 2 oz of liquids through security and having to make expensive purchases in airport shops AFTER the screening. Enter the Patriot Act and spying on the private communications of everyday Americans. Enter secret FISA courts and putting non-suspicious people on watchlists.
In the case of COVID, one solution will be a vaccine, and people are already anxiously awaiting it with great hope. I have never had a flu shot, I have only had the flu a couple of times in my life, and although medical authorities claim in the doctor's office as well as in the media that one cannot get the flu from the shot, there are abundant stories that people do get very sick from it. What if a COVID vaccine becomes enforced, and even more people die from it? Even worse, what if those who refuse it are excluded from basic social and civil liberties until they comply? What if they can't buy groceries, rent a home, or enter social public spaces?
At what point do I say fuck this and catch the bus out of this hellhole? My worry is that I will wait too long, suffocating behind a goddamned mask and herded into a vaccination facility or a detention facility for non-compliance. Or have my water and electricity cut off, or have social policing mobs outside my door, forcing me to protest by starving or just light the goddamned charcoal or chug the SN.
I'm not a fan of fearmongering, and I don't want to do that to others here. I am genuinely and rationally concerned about all the events of the past twenty years since 9/11 that make the populace like frogs in a pot of water that's turned up degree by degree so that we don't even know we're being boiled to death, and the controls to turn off the burners are not in our reach.
This world fucking sucks. It's no longer a matter of one country sucking in different ways than other countries. It all. fucking. sucks. on a global scale.
Someone posted today on the Suicide Forum about a doctor who ctb'd and was praised for being a hero. As with the majority of suicides, a reason was decided upon for why she did it, in a voice other than her own. Her father decided it was the pressures of her job based on COVID. Great that he was compassionate about her choice, but it was still speculation, better than but truly no different than the speculations of Shawn Shatto's or Callie Lewis's families. And this new story feeds into the media narrative, and the narrative of whoever controls the media, that COVID is a massive world crisis, and security measures that curtail liberties must be put in place for the protection of all. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, if you're willing to give up a little liberty in exchange for security, you're boiling your own water, frog.
Yet what fucking choice do we truly have? And, Jesus, what utter bullshit in these "woke" times that people, at least in the Western world, have to choose liberty or death. As long as the major media outlets are controlled by corporations and oligarchies, all deaths, including suicides, will be manipulated to support a narrative rather than tell the truth.
I am so pissed. And now I have to deal with anxiety. Fuck the goddamned masks, and fuck whoever or whatever is behind this crisis. Fuck there being no God and no karma to make people pay for being controlling, greedy shits, for not shining a light on them and empowering undeserving victims; it hasn't happened in this history of the world, and it's shit to wake up to that knowledge, and to keep waking up to it anew with each new restriction. Fuck the human potential movement and the self-help movement that said we all have a purpose, that we can each make a difference. Fuck it all. Fuck hope and fuck hopelessness. Fuck cruelty for having more practical power than kindness, compassion, and respect for autonomy. Fuck the Age of Enlightenment that inspired the seductive illusion of democracy, yet another opiate for the masses.
Fuck banks. Fuck capitalism. Fuck everything. Just fuck. Fuck the fucking goddamn masks. Fuck taking away my fucking right to unrestricted oxygen because I have lungs and nostrils and a mouth and I HAVE TO BREATHE BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN.
Fuck all of this.
When I get mad enough, when I awaken enough, I hope it's soon enough. It would be best for me to be done. The world will not be a better place without me in it, but the world is a shit place for me to be in. Fucking fuck fuck shit ass fuck hell goddamnit fuck fuck.
FUUUUUCK!
I don't know who I'm saying this to, but I have to say it, to grunt it and shriek it, to grab my hair and say from damn near everything in me, like I'm straining from the worst constipation, to whoever or whatever is behind this, and to whoever or whatever doesn't stop it: FUCK YOU. Not that you give a goddamn. It's not like you have to, you pathetic, pussy, pieces of shit hiding behind anything that keeps you from having to fight fist to fist in a fair fight. But that's the way of the world, isn't it? Jesus said heaven belongs to the meek, but I think that was his own opiate. You fucking win. Whoop de doo for you.
Last edited:
