Ok. SN tonight. Nervous

[jrumbles]

As it gets closer, I am getting more nervous. Stomach aches from anxiety. That's no good. Deep breaths.
Here's the layout:

• Haven't eaten in 24 hours, except only had a couple pieces of chocolate and some pretzels a few hours ago. In about 3 hours, will be ~5 hours totally fasted, and thats when I go.
• 40 min before: going to take Ondansetron, lorazepam, tagamet, and ibuprofen.
  • Ondansetron will take 8mg, and have more on standby
  • Lorazepam, maybe 2mg total. Have more but don't want to do too much that it is counter effective. They are 0.5mg pills. This is to help me relax.
  • Tagamet. PPH says 800mg of tagamet, but it comes in 200mg pills. So I'm supposed to take 4? Seems like a lot???
  • ibuprofen. will take 600mg as per stan's guide.
• Then, glass one of sn, 25mg. Have glass 2 on standby.
• Then lay down. Goodnight. Hopefully sleep. Short note on the kitchen counter. Social post scheduled to go up for tomorrow night for a FYI, since I live alone.

So nervous.

Got the SN from IC but may do a color test right before just to be sure? Hoping the IC I got it from is the right IC.
I don't have meto or propranolol.

Thoughts? Anything missing?

 

[Worndown]

That is normal. It is a big step!
I hope all goes well for you.

 

[born2win]

Isn't Ibuprofen should be taken an hour before or minus-60 minutes? But I guess it will be absorbed no matter what.. Wishing you a painless and a quick one. Im planning to commit via SN too soon

 

[reverse03]

SI will be hard to overcome. But if you can overcome it, hopefully everything works and you may have a safe journey.
May you find peace.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Just remember that this is your choice and that works both ways. You can go through with this if that's what you want, but you can come away from it too, if that's what you decide. No shame or embarrassment.

I wish you the very best, whatever you decide to do

 

[almostoutofhere]

If SI is still still strong, try taking more lorazepam. Keep us updated with how you're feeling. Good luck

 

[myownpetvirus]

What is IC?

 

[yyytry]

What is IC?

A manufacturer

As it gets closer, I am getting more nervous. Stomach aches from anxiety. That's no good. Deep breaths.
Here's the layout:

• Haven't eaten in 24 hours, except only had a couple pieces of chocolate and some pretzels a few hours ago. In about 3 hours, will be ~5 hours totally fasted, and thats when I go.
• 40 min before: going to take Ondansetron, lorazepam, tagamet, and ibuprofen.
  • Ondansetron will take 8mg, and have more on standby
  • Lorazepam, maybe 2mg total. Have more but don't want to do too much that it is counter effective. They are 0.5mg pills. This is to help me relax.
  • Tagamet. PPH says 800mg of tagamet, but it comes in 200mg pills. So I'm supposed to take 4? Seems like a lot???
  • ibuprofen. will take 600mg as per stan's guide.
• Then, glass one of sn, 25mg. Have glass 2 on standby.
• Then lay down. Goodnight. Hopefully sleep. Short note on the kitchen counter. Social post scheduled to go up for tomorrow night for a FYI, since I live alone.

So nervous.

Got the SN from IC but may do a color test right before just to be sure? Hoping the IC I got it from is the right IC.
I don't have meto or propranolol.

Thoughts? Anything missing?

How are you feeling?

 

[jrumbles]

A manufacturer

How are you feeling?

Freaking out, to be honest. Been reading tons of threads on here looking at successful and failed attempts. Anxiety going crazy. "What if the SN is bad, what if you throw it all up" and so forth. Just want to make sure I do it right.
I wrote probably 5 or 6 notes. Kept tossing them and rewriting them, though they are all short. 1-2 sentences.
In about 20 minutes gonna take all the pre SN stuff.

If there was a way to be alive and not be alone, I would choose life.

This sounds stupid, but I wish I could be with someone during the whole thing. Hold someones hand. Obviously impossible.

 

[yyytry]

Freaking out, to be honest. Been reading tons of threads on here looking at successful and failed attempts. Anxiety going crazy. "What if the SN is bad, what if you throw it all up" and so forth. Just want to make sure I do it right.
I wrote probably 5 or 6 notes. Kept tossing them and rewriting them, though they are all short. 1-2 sentences.
In about 20 minutes gonna take all the pre SN stuff.

If there was a way to be alive and not be alone, I would choose life.

This sounds stupid, but I wish I could be with someone during the whole thing. Hold someones hand. Obviously impossible.

If it were me, I would want to be in a more balanced state of mind.
You are free to do whatever you choose, you know yourself best.

I hate the loneliness too. And wish that suicide didn't have to be a lonely journey.

We are here for you, even if we can't hold your hand.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you the best whatever you decide. I wish you peace if you go through with it.

 

[tchaik18401893]

I'm wishing you the best in all of this. I hope you find peace.

 

[jrumbles]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

It's ok,
Not your time. Many of us, myself included haven't been able to CTB yet.

 

[tchaik18401893]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

Seriously, do not be ashamed. Ending your own life is a HUGE decision. If you decide not to do it, than you decide not to do it. Do not feel pathetic. I am glad you are alive if that means anything. Please be safe. Best wishes to you.

 

[stermc]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

It's okay to change your mind or just realize you can't do it, for whichever reason.
Don't think of yourself as a coward. There is the right time to go, when you will feel ready, and there is no shame in backing out.
Take some time to rest and then reflect on things.
Death is not going to run away. It's always going to be an option, so no need to rush.

Much love to you and feel free to message me if you want!

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

Nobody thinks you did this for attention. And I definitely don't think anyone had their 'hopes up'. We're all here supporting you friend. Nobody is judging you.

Im literally just heading to bed, but my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to. Show yourself a little kindness. You've done nothing wrong

 

[LastFlowers]

Nobody thinks you did this for attention. And I definitely don't think anyone had their 'hopes up'. We're all here supporting you friend. Nobody is judging you.

Im literally just heading to bed, but my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to. Show yourself a little kindness. You've done nothing wrong

OP's concerns for disappointing those following is something that always rubbed me the wrong way about goodbye threads...they seem to put extra pressure on certain people, when that really shouldn't be a factor in their final decision making process.
I think others who don't go through with it could also end up lying or disappearing if they don't ctb, because they feel a separate sort of shame for not following through and don't want to say as much.
(The actual attention seekers don't usually feel this shame.)
This could skew what some of us may be using as feedback on certain methods, as well as-again-the issue of undue pressure in the sense of "finishing what was started".
I think posting a goodbye thread is comforting for some, necessary even for others, but I couldn't help but notice the less savory side of it.

It's not even necessarily that any comments are the cause of the pressure, it's just inevitable when someone posts a scheduled goodbye, that they're essentially "coercing" themselves into meeting its end.
Personally, I do not plan on posting one myself, although in my case, it's for additional reasons.

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[dopaminedeath]

OP's concerns for disappointing those following is something that always rubbed me the wrong way about goodbye threads...they seem to put extra pressure on certain people, when that really shouldn't be a factor in their final decision making process.
I think others who don't go through with it could also end up lying or disappearing if they don't ctb, because they feel a separate sort of shame for not following through and don't want to say as much.
(The actual attention seekers don't usually feel this shame.)
This could skew what some of us may be using as feedback on certain methods, as well as-again-the issue of undue pressure in the sense of "finishing what was started".
I think posting a goodbye thread is comforting for some, necessary even for others, but I couldn't help but notice the less savory side of it.

It's not even necessarily that any comments are the cause of the pressure, it's just inevitable when someone posts a scheduled goodbye, that they're essentially "coercing" themselves into meeting its end.
Personally, I do not plan on posting one myself, although in my case, it's for additional reasons.

I like how @Mofreeko did it. Prepared everything and only in the final two hours he posted a thread. Keeps it straightforward as a goodbye and documentation. Otherwise I can imagine it would be distracting or cause pressure especially if you haven't made up your mind.

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

You're all good man. I'm sorry the day has been so rough. I hope things get better for you

 

[NoHorizon]

Nothing to apologise for, and much better to change your mind before drinking it than afterwards in terms of the impact it would have on you. It must have been a stressful experience getting to that point, so please try to be kind to yourself over the next few days.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

SN self intervention from 2016. With the proper and intensive medical care you MAY walk away relatively ok. The higher % and longer duration of methaemoglobin, the higher chance of death. Obtuned = Pretty out of it.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least having your method planned means that you have the option of a way to leave for when the time is right for you, you aren't trapped here and the method that you have is reliable as so many have succeeded with SN if done correctly. But anyway, best of luck. It's understandable wishing that you were already gone from this world, but after all, I don't think that suicide is always straightforward to go through with even if one has a method by their side. Only the individual knows when the time is right.

 

[Outandproud]

Aww i wish i could teleporte to your side and hug you for five minutes. Then come back to my lonely shell cause thats all i can deal with. Have a good day please, if you can

 

[6Judas6]

I hope you have been successful with the use of SN

 

[wantittoendsoon]

It is a shame that we can't have someone with us to hold our hand or whatever when we go. This is the injustice of our world. I guess that is the one benefit of having a partner, you can be with each other until the end.

 

[Sunny-Moon]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

Hey, try not to be so hard on yourself. It's a big decision, and nobody is looking down on you for deciding it wasn't the right time. I haven't been able to CTB, and there are many here who struggle to as well. I hope you're able to find peace, whatever that looks like.

 

[Sunset Limited]

i don't think today is my day. I wish it was.
Sorry for the false alarm / getting hopes up.
Promise this was not for attention.

ugh. so pathetic i can't even end it.

mods can delete this thread if ya want.

Welcome to club man. I made a goodbye thread too and still here. It is ok, no problem. SI is big boy.

 

[jrumbles]

Trying again. just took Ondansetron, Lorazepam, Tagamet, ibuprofen. (Ate normal earlier in the day but I have been fasted for 5 hours now.)

Social post scheduled. Note written.
Taking my dog out for our last walk.
Plan is SN drink in about 40 mins I think.


P.S. thank you so much for not giving me shit for not being able to go through with it a week or so ago.

 

[EndlessDespair]

Trying again. just took Ondansetron, Lorazepam, Tagamet, ibuprofen. (Ate normal earlier in the day but I have been fasted for 5 hours now.)

Social post scheduled. Note written.
Taking my dog out for our last walk.
Plan is SN drink in about 40 mins I think.


P.S. thank you so much for not giving me shit for not being able to go through with it a week or so ago.

Hope your last moments are quick and painless. Please update us if you have the strength to. I plan to go on Feb 13, would love to know what to expect.