Off with abullet

[Friend]

Hello :). I am looking for more info as to suicide by gun, I'm not sure the acronym if there is one. I have a regular pistol, I'm wondering where the correct posture, info. Etc

I'd also like to vent hence why I have not searched . I have an amazing life. I say this sadly because I cannot appreciate it. I'm a mom, wife and I have a wonderful group of friends. I unfortunately suffer from debilitating anxiety and ocd. My OCD keeps me awake at night, I'm obsessed with numbers, my health. How many times I blink. I'm sick of hearing blah blah your mental health will get better. It clearly wont. I've been in dozens of meds, been to various doctors. I clearly am not rofl. My whole body aches. I have no answers. Just "it's in your head, learn to accept" . I'm a walking mess.

I'm trying to stay alive for my kids but what the hell is my life ?? Why is it so good but so terrible. I dont want to traumatize my kids si I'm making sure out of the house. I'm making sure theyll never see. Why am I such a shit mom to consider this and want to act on it. Their my everything. My head is filled with intrusive thoughts and delusions.


Why was I made this way? OCD in itself is a curse. I think part of me needed to vent and hope someone can understand me.

 

[TAW122]

If you still have doubts about suicide, then maybe you might not be fully ready for it. To answer your question simply put, it is because of something called the survival instinct (SI). That thing that kept living things (animals and humans alike) alive for hundreds of thousands of years is what stops you from going through with CTB. Also, if you want to get more specifics on firearms and the methods then the firearms megathread would be your best resource since there are lots of detailed information (including where to shoot and aim and what to hit) on CTB'ing with said method.

 

[Friend]

If you still have doubts about suicide, then maybe you might not be fully ready for it. To answer your question simply put, it is because of something called the survival instinct (SI). That thing that kept living things (animals and humans alike) alive for hundreds of thousands of years is what stops you from going through with CTB. Also, if you want to get more specifics on firearms and the methods then the firearms megathread would be your best resource since there are lots of detailed information (including where to shoot and aim and what to hit) on CTB'ing with said method.

Thank you for this. Maybe I'm not. I'm glad I was able to vent about it. I was in a very dark place today and I feel scared. I just want relief and I feel like I'm running out of options.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Hi @Friend, welcome to the forum. Good choice of username. I totally feel your pain and helplessness. Your doubts are totally valid, after all you're a mother, from whom all life comes from, literally. You'll find a lot of opinion in this website. Just keep in mind one thing, if you choose a gun to kill yourself, one day your children may find out how you died. It is very likely that a sight of gun, or a sound of gunshot, even if the gun is in the movies where it is so common.... this can trigger any form of mental illness in your children, which I presume are quite young right now. Their fragile minds aren't strong enough to process this and your own pain of mental illness will pass on to your kids. It is also known that parental suicide sometimes leads children to have their own suicidal ideation. Consider your options wisely. Sometimes we don't run out of options, we run away from options. Best wishes. *hugs*

 

[Friend]

Hi @Friend, welcome to the forum. Good choice of username. I totally feel your pain and helplessness. Your doubts are totally valid, after all you're a mother, from whom all life comes from, literally. You'll find a lot of opinion in this website. Just keep in mind one thing, if you choose a gun to kill yourself, one day your children may find out how you died. It is very likely that a sight of gun, or a sound of gunshot, even if the gun is in the movies where it is so common.... this can trigger any form of mental illness in your children, which I presume are quite young right now. Their fragile minds aren't strong enough to process this and your own pain of mental illness will pass on to your kids. It is also known that parental suicide sometimes leads children to have their own suicidal ideation. Consider your options wisely. Sometimes we don't run out of options, we run away from options. Best wishes. *hugs*

Thank you I also needed to hear this. Maybe I will when their older and moved out. I'm not sure what my other options are which terrifies me. I'm so scared of myself that I just want the pain to be over and to run away from myself. The ocd and anxiety make me home bound and I clean things obsessively and it takes hours of my day. I'm scared of life in general :/ thank you for your comment very much