OCD is torture

[tvoisluga]

OCD is the most isolating shit. You are thought of as weird/annoying if godforbid you slip and show people a piece of your mind. Oh, youre done with my looping thoughts this one time? Try to have fucking lived with this for most of your life. So so many people in my life would ctb sooner than me. I almost died in 2019 i regret that train not hitting me. If everyone could live in my head for a day they would absolutely get it. I beg my future self to pull it off this time and take the sn. Yes, i know i will be wasted potential but the ocd already robbed me of any normal future i couldve had.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so horrible and tiring what you are going through, I hope that you eventually find the freedom from your suffering you wish for.

 

[tvoisluga]

That must be so horrible and tiring what you are going through, I hope that you eventually find the freedom from your suffering you wish for.

i hope i have it in me to make the right decision at least once

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It really is. I don't have it to the extent that Food Network's Unwrapped host Marc Summers has it:



But it's debilitating enough to have caused the downfall of my business, ruin my marriage and prevent me from even thinking about getting another job, as there is a maximum amount of disorder in my work environment that I can tolerate. I suspect that it is the source of my dermatilomania as well. It's the cherry on top of all the "D" disorders I have. ASD, ADHD, BPD and PTSD.

 

[tvoisluga]

It really is. I don't have it to the extent that Food Network's Unwrapped host Marc Summers has it:



But it's dehabilitating enough to have caused the downfall of my business, ruin my marriage and prevent me from even thinking about getting another job, as there is minumum amount of disorder in my work environment that I can tolerate. I suspect that it is the source of my dermatilomania as well. It's the cherry on top of all the "D" disorders I have. ASD, ADHD, BPD and PTSD.

thanks for taking your time of day to reply to this post. This is a horror you CAN'T understand if you havent been in. My fam will never get closure because they simply cant understand. But i rather suffer alone misunderstood than to have someone i love being tortured by living with this and not be alone. But oh, it's so unbearably lonely.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'm defintely in the same boat. Tried every medication under the sun to no avail. All I am looking forward to is the day I can flip the switch and just make it all go away.

 

[tvoisluga]

yep it just takes and takes till you don't have anything left and is too embarassing to talk about with normies. only cute mental illnesses are allowed you know hahah
lost friendships and so much more. people have rolled their eyes at me and been INSANELY annoyed when i got stuck. and im like the tiktok "Imagine how tired WE are". Cheers to 2024 being the last year of the shitshow.

 

[h0ll0w]

I feel you so bad. I recently got my diagnosis and it explains so much about my thought pattern over the years and my behavior. This is tiring me so much, I can't stop thinking that my end goal is death. I know that it is a 'want' from me but it also feels like an obsession sometimes. I feel like I must die and I can't explain why it has to be a 'must'. I have such a bad headache from overthinking and I don't know how to stop spiraling. Even if I manage to do it for a moment or two I just seem to get back to thinking the same shit again and again. This diagnosis is too new for me and tbh I'm too exhausted to even do research on wtf is wrong with me. I'm just so tired of this life...

 

[exiled]

My heart hurts for you. I've had OCD since I was a child and it truly feels so isolating. The looping, the anxiety, the ruminating, the downright compulsions that your brain forces upon you... it is absolute hell. From what I gather you've been fighting this a long time and feel severely misunderstood by those around you. I get that. I've been labeled as annoying (to put it lightly) for my constant need for reassurance that comes with OCD. It's made me feel worthless, and like my existence is only a burden upon others and contributes nothing.

Something you said really resonated with me, though.

So so many people in my life would ctb sooner than me.

You know what, you are absolutely right. I think about that a lot. If the people who misunderstand me lived in my brain for more than a day, they would genuinely down SN, or jump in front of a train faster than you can say "neurotypical asshole." You are brave and courageous - far more than most could ever say for themselves. And I am proud of you for fighting through this hellish existence despite the horrors of it all.

I am commenting on here not because I have any profound advice or words of encouragement, but rather to say: I get it. And if you just need someone to bounce things off of or simply someone just to listen, I am more than happy to share my Discord tag with you in a DM. You may have felt totally sequestered until this point, but fear no more! I'm pretty damn exhausted from this stuff too, and I'm here to assure you that you are no longer alone.

 

[tvoisluga]

Thank yall really

 

[depthss]

OCD takes over every single aspect of my life, it's so tiring and debilitating. It makes me so upset to think about how common of an illness it actually is.

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Sorry for bump but i really relate to this like 100%

My OCD is just a continuous loop of triggering thought after thought. If people saw the types of compulsions i do when im alone in my room I would be called crazy. My compulsions are starting to seep into my normal life and its fucking horrible and humiliating. I flinch, grind my teeth, turn around, etc. I do all sorts of ticks. I think it's called tourettic OCD. But either way its literally so bad i dont want to continue like this

And i definitely relate to the wasted potential part. I understand these are just thoughts but theyre so bad i freak out everytime.

Im so sorry that you also have to go through this nightmare and i just hope you find a way through it because literally no one else understands.

 

[hopeless08]

OCD is the most isolating shit. You are thought of as weird/annoying if godforbid you slip and show people a piece of your mind. Oh, youre done with my looping thoughts this one time? Try to have fucking lived with this for most of your life. So so many people in my life would ctb sooner than me. I almost died in 2019 i regret that train not hitting me. If everyone could live in my head for a day they would absolutely get it. I beg my future self to pull it off this time and take the sn. Yes, i know i will be wasted potential but the ocd already robbed me of any normal future i couldve had.

I can completely relate I've had ocd on and off and in different levels of severity and it is hell. It's a handicap which does not let you function in everyday life.
Right now it's not so bad but I know it's only a matter of time before it comes back with a vengeance.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Man, I completely understand. I have the same thoughts and urges over and over and over- I obsess over them, cry about them and beg them to go away, but only a select few actions help.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I had it badly for a long time. Loops that would go half the night till 3am, with a split second of satisfaction, only for the thoughts to start all over again I would sit and cry and look up vids on YT how to stop. Got addicted for 2 of those years to Xanax, then had to wean. Not fun. Affected relationships, everything. One of the reasons I'm here is because I have so much regret that I can't get over.

Best thing I can tell you is OCD has to be quit cold turkey. Seriously. It's not easy I know firsthand. But seriously next thought say, "Fuck you OCD!" Keep saying it. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. It persists, "I said fuck off!" Refuse to give into it. It will be HARD but not impossible because when you stop giving in, it WILL let up. Not right away but it will, a little at a time. One day, you will look back at the loops, trances and rituals and think WTF I was diagnosed with severe OCD, so for me to be able to write this now is a miracle. But really, OCD exists only in your mind. Your mind becomes your worst enemy. Put a rubber band around your wrist. Snap it hard every time there's a thought and say "Fuck you OCD!" preferably out loud. You will be snapping and cursing A LOT at first. It will ease up and you won't believe it and you will think wow I can't believe I was a prisoner to this and let it affect my relationships and my life. I have too many regrets to forgive myself, so start trying real hard to kick it now before the regrets make it too much to go on. Good luck! You got this!

 

[CPY]

I really believe OCD to be the most torturous illness after schizophrenia.Especially my kind of ocd which is all encompassing and refractory to all treatments.I'm forced to live with my parents because of this

 

[Silent_cries]

This is so true! I no write normal because my ocd rn. Ocd makes me no function well socially because physically seeing someone doing no good emotionally gives me very no good thoughts and ocd routines. It makes my life very no easy. I wish it would stop

 

[Ash]

One of the loveliest nurses on the ward had OCD and he was really popular as he completely got us. And you could see it. On a night shift he'd get tired and then be less able to manage his impulses to have everything organised around him. And sometimes he wouldn't be aware and then would realise what he'd been doing and ask if it was ok to swear.

So that's a possible career choice?

And my ex had OCD and said she knew it was time to break up with her previous ex when she found herself trying to straighten the rug by the bed when they were having sex one time and it wasn't exactly thrilling.

Sorry if it seems I'm getting inappropriate or making light. Absolutely exhausted and not really processing everything correctly right now so can't tell. But I'd totally forgotten about the lovely MH nurse until I read your post.