Obsessing/ruminating when someone is not responding

[Rukia]

My mother didnt respond to my sms I am already ruminating she died in a car accident (my parents are returning from vacation right now ) Anybody can relate?

 

[Empty Smile]

I always assume the worse when I don't get an immediate response. And the longer it goes, the worse the feeling gets.

Then when they finally respond, I'm thinking to myself, fuck you for making me worry.....

 

[Scribble Fan]

I get sharply building anxiety and perhaps some self-doubt if there's no response for too long. Makes me feel horrible.

 

[Egddios]

When I was a child, I vividly remember being paralyzed by fear when my mother wouldn't come home when she was supposed to, which was often. Even after the odd school event I went to, when she was supposed to pick me up, and then didn't show up, I'd be waiting and wondering if she was dead somewhere.

We're now estranged, but the thought of her induces a panic feeling even now, and I'm 36.

 

[Rukia]

When I was a child, I vividly remember being paralyzed by fear when my mother wouldn't come home when she was supposed to, which was often. Even after the odd school event I went to, when she was supposed to pick me up, and then didn't show up, I'd be waiting and wondering if she was dead somewhere.

We're now estranged, but the thought of her induces a panic feeling even now, and I'm 36.

I am 36 too...

My mother returned safely, just messaged me...

But the fear will be repeated each time she will go to vacation....

The fear is present even on SS...I am obsessing about having no replies to threads, no immediate responses to PMs ...:(
Sometimes I fear I am too sick even for this forum lol... I am so ashamed to admit this...

 

[littlelady774]

Yes I can so relate. I have obsessive rumination and it's a big part of my mental illness/anxiety.

I get obsessed over conversations I had years ago and worry about what the other person meant/thought.
It's embarrassing cause then I go contact the person about a conversation that happened years ago, and most the time they think I'm nuts for even worrying about something like that.

 

[Rukia]

@littlelady856 if I may ask, do you obsess especially about angry exchanges? I think I tend to avoid confrontation often for the fear of obsessing further about it constantly...

 

[littlelady774]

@littlelady856 if I may ask, do you obsess especially about angry exchanges? I think I tend to avoid confrontation often for the fear of obsessing further about it constantly...

Yeah,
I say stuff out of anger and then regret it later.
I have to go back and analyze it to death

 

[SpanishLullaby]

I have it too. I worry about things I've said and old interactions.

The absolute worst part is I do it in new relationships and friendships. It causes a problem when I'm dating. I go nuts worried if I texted too soon. If they like me. Will they call. If they think I'm desperate. I've done some things to contain it. But overall its kept me from attracting a good relationship/marriage. I'll probably never be happy because of it. I stopped dating a few years ago. I dont have a secure form of attachment so I mostly attract others with avoidant attachments or smotherers I want to run from.

 

[nirvana]

i absolutley relate to that…. since i have (again) isolated myself from my Friends in real life due to Depression, my mom is basically the most important Person in my life… and i know one should generally not be to attached to People, but since i have already lost my dad, i am so so afraid to loose her... and Always worried About her Health.... she is like an anchor in Crisis for me and a Person that is Always there when i Need her, so i dont even want to imagine life without her.. and i hope i dont have to experience that any time soon.
Apart from that i also do worry all the time About Friends in real life or online, when i dont get replies… sometimes i am more relaxed but often due to my insecurity i am scared to have said something wrong, to be boring or just not to be as important to them as they are to me.
So i totally understand all the worries (my rising sign is Cancer and im sure anybody who knows a bit About astrology knows how sensitive , melancholic, caring and anxious they can be) :( big hug to you!

 

[WinterIsComing]

The fear is present even on SS...I am obsessing about having no replies to threads, no immediate responses to PMs ...:(
Sometimes I fear I am too sick even for this forum lol... I am so ashamed to admit this...

Nobody is perfect.....i guess is common for the people here to be addicted to the forum...

 

[Scribble Fan]

Nobody is perfect.....i guess is common for the people here to be addicted to the forum...

I'm honestly not surprised, this is the only place of understanding and support I know I get (though I don't take it for granted, props to the mods) and the single place I find any soothing experiences. Plus the offer to receive instructions on escaping life is deeply enticing and relieving. I spent way too much time here, hahaha.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Yeah, it's actually one of the primary sources of anxiety these days. Maybe partly, but not entirely unjustified though.

The precious few people I still talk to regularly are all online friends, I don't really have anyone in the real world. And especially one of them I feel very close to isn't doing particularly well. And I always fear for the worst.

 

[Soul]

When I'm expecting visitors to my home, if they're late I wonder if I got the time/date wrong, and if I'm somehow in the wrong flat.

 

[Dartz]

Assuming the worst is nothing more than being realistic in my experience

 

[No Future]

This is likely an unfortunate side-effect of the convenience of instantaneous communication at any distance. Because the technology to converse instantly at a distance exists, the negative rumination in not receiving a swift reply has the propensity to be much more severe. It's not as if we have to send a letter by horse and wagon anymore.

It's a mix of anticipation and paranoia. If you've had earlier experiences in which a lack of a quick, or any, response has impacted you negatively, you'll obviously be more predisposed to experience negative thoughts if you don't hear back from someone you love in a timely manner.

Entirely natural on it's own, but if you're a particularly anxious person, or have a tendency to think the worst, this will absolutely exacerbate negative emotions in not getting a response quickly.

It's important to remember and rationalize with the fact that people aren't always available. They may have spotty signal; they may not have access to their phone, etc. There's no simple fix to the paranoia, but there's often a reasonable explanation as to why your messages aren't being responded to quickly.

For me, I'm simply terrible at checking my phone.

 

[gentleflower]

My mind is very creative in comming up with the most unlikely and disastrous scenario why someone is late or not responding. I have always been over punctual, so I find it hard to understand how it is common practise for most people to arrive late to meetings or appointments, I immediately worry that something has happened or I might have been forgotten.

When I do not hear something from a particular friend for longer than half a day, I internally totally freak out. I check my phone almost every minute then and the longer the silence continues the more I am convinced that she is either dead or I have finally managed to push her away for good without even meaning to.