cactusflower
here but not here
- Apr 19, 2023
- 58
I'm supposed to be driving right now to see my family. But I just feel numb. I planned this trip and everything, requesting and exposing my vulnerability to my supervisor at work, etc, all so I can have the opportunity to maybe feel some modicum of happiness again. I've been away for a long time now, isolated from people, so I think it'll be good for me. But it's so difficult when my suicidal ideation has been so intense the past few weeks especially. I'm afraid of going outside.