Venting Now that I have everything, I still can't die?

[nihacc]

I finally gathered the required information in order to purchase a firearm, but coincidentally, the store near me can't sell a gun to buyers under 21 anymore. I don't want to give too much detail as to why, because it might reveal information on where I live, but know that it was way out of my control. I had been in that store before, and they could previously sell guns to 18-20 year olds, but I didn't have all of the required info at the time. Now that I have everything, I'm barred from being able to buy one??? When I went into this store about a month ago, a different employee recommended a place in my state's capitol, but yesterday the owners told me that even that store wouldn't be able to sell to me either.

There is another gun shop, but it's a 2 1/2 hour walk from my house. I suppose I could use public transport, or bike there instead. Either way, I will have to call them beforehand and ask if they are still able to sell a firearm to me. If even that is unavailable, I fear that I might have to turn to other less reliable methods of ctb.

I must have some pre-determined purpose for living, or I'm just EXTRAORDINARILY unlucky. This is all so exhausting. I feel ill. I don't want to have to jump out of fear of surviving, and I might not have the courage to lay on train tracks, and other possible methods I am considering are not as viable. It's looking more and more likely that they're something I must choose instead of eating a bullet.