Nothing really feels right.

[Livingvsdying25]

Rn I'm just lying down suffering. I could sit up but that makes me uncomfortable after awhile/POTS crap. I think oh I wanna try this or do this. & that doesn't feel right.

Then I think oh maybe I'll just take a break and stop trying for awhile. But that doesn't feel right either.

Then I think oh CTB and that doesn't feel right either


I got out of bed for smthin and when I came back I didn't wanna get back in but I have nothing I can really do rn.

Im just kinda... here. Even with my body & mind calmed a lil via meds & supplements I... am just sad. Not "just" sad but. Yeah....

Took a bit of melatonin and magnesium. So starting to feel more physically relaxed. And kinda sleepy but not enough for sleep.

I feel like crying but in the bath is where it feels just right at times. And ik iwon't happen but drowning would be great too.

I wish I could just go to sleep now but I can't. Which is just this shitty reality I live in.

I should attempt to eat soon but it just makes me sick or I can't eat anything unless the "storm" has calmed enough. Tho I am feeling hungry. Really makes a difference when my body is able to relax.

Could hand out over zoom with friend but I'm so dead inside at this point of the day that while it'd be nice... I can't like be much of anything rn.


My mind may be calming a lil bjt the idea of self harming all over is a pretty vivid thought. But what's the point I am just sad and empty rn.

Building energy from relaxation but then try to go to make bath & I'm stuck/frozen so. Will just keep lyin here.

Just stupid thoughts to get off my chest ig.

 

[Done_Surviving]

I'm sorry you have to go on like this. Honestly I feel the same way, just keep going 'cause you gotta keep going, but there's just apathy, and missery, nothing brings any semblance of joy anymore.

 

[not_telling]

Sorry it's like that. I guess motivation isn't easy to find when CTB has crossed your mind, even just one time is enough. I don't even know if the possibility to die is the cause of this dread, but they definitely walk together. These days most of anything I do is because I get to convince my mind there's no other option but doing it, like if I don't then I'm making it wrong for someone else, and then I just force body to do it, and mind keeps being pretty far away. I hope you find a way out of the dread, however it may be. You deserve different for having endured life all this time.

 

[jussrav]

I'm sorry you have to go on like this. Honestly I feel the same way, just keep going 'cause you gotta keep going, but there's just apathy, and missery, nothing brings any semblance of joy anymore.

Nothing at all brings joy

Rn I'm just lying down suffering. I could sit up but that makes me uncomfortable after awhile/POTS crap. I think oh I wanna try this or do this. & that doesn't feel right.

Then I think oh maybe I'll just take a break and stop trying for awhile. But that doesn't feel right either.

Then I think oh CTB and that doesn't feel right either


I got out of bed for smthin and when I came back I didn't wanna get back in but I have nothing I can really do rn.

Im just kinda... here. Even with my body & mind calmed a lil via meds & supplements I... am just sad. Not "just" sad but. Yeah....

Took a bit of melatonin and magnesium. So starting to feel more physically relaxed. And kinda sleepy but not enough for sleep.

I feel like crying but in the bath is where it feels just right at times. And ik iwon't happen but drowning would be great too.

I wish I could just go to sleep now but I can't. Which is just this shitty reality I live in.

I should attempt to eat soon but it just makes me sick or I can't eat anything unless the "storm" has calmed enough. Tho I am feeling hungry. Really makes a difference when my body is able to relax.

Could hand out over zoom with friend but I'm so dead inside at this point of the day that while it'd be nice... I can't like be much of anything rn.


My mind may be calming a lil bjt the idea of self harming all over is a pretty vivid thought. But what's the point I am just sad and empty rn.

Building energy from relaxation but then try to go to make bath & I'm stuck/frozen so. Will just keep lyin here.

Just stupid thoughts to get off my chest ig.

Nothing feels right can't sleep, then cant function the next day low energy headaches been going in 2 months. No happiness nothing my mind us exhausted

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm kinda in this state rn, I've taken new anti depressants it makes me extremely tired and very hungry it's also been making me feel very high, which is getting annoying as I can't play my favourite games because I'm so stoned out of my mind I can't focus