Nothing I do feels like it’s enough

[LibertyLily]

It feels like if I had the same privileges as the average person I would be living a successful life.

I feel like I'm in limping mode all the time, trying to look like I'm walking just like everyone else and being highly intelligent as I am doesn't feel like it's enough.

It feels like under different circumstances I would be living a successful life by now.

Instead of living to run a business I'm living to fix the problems I was born with that I didn't choose to have. And doing my best to pretend my years of trauma and abuse never happened.

Well that's the universe my friend, you get the life you're given.

Every day all I want to do is sleep so I can experience not being in this life.

I'm living in a daydream a lot of the time where I'm prosperous.

I have dreams and desires and I'm living every day of my life to make them a reality and at the same time I'm contemplating a scenario where I've failed and I'm preparing to end my life. It feels like a strange situation to be in.

 

[timf]

Seeing life as binary (successful or not successful) is harmful in two ways. First it sets a high bar for what you consider "successful" such that one may always feel like a "failure". Secondly, it can rob one of the motivation to make improvements as it may seem pointless.

It might be more helpful to do waht many athletes do and compare your present circumstances to past ones and see if you can achieve a "personal best". This can give you improved circumstances as well as the satisfaction of giving yourself credit.

 

[Regen]

I think I know what you mean. And in some points I feel the same. If I were mental healthy I could have another life. In good days I can feel how it could be, what a person I could be without depression and all the other mental problems. I see my true colours, myself without a black brain. In my daydreams I live that life and have the feeling I am only waiting to beginn my "real" life. But that's not right. My "black brain" has formed my hole life in all things. I struggle with mental problems since 30 years. There wont be another life for me. But I cant accept this. And while I am waiting for my "real life" I lost my actual life...

Sorry, I cant explain it better in english. But I think I can understand what you mean.

I think it would be a good idea for me to face the reality in therapy to learn to accept the truth.