chobonzi
heartbroken
- Apr 13, 2024
- 41
Last year in may i started dating the girl who I'd consider(ed) my soulmate. We worked together for awhile and i hung out with her once and gave her rides home a few times. I wish i knew she liked me before we started to actually hang out, because by that time i was into a meth addiction. All we did was smoke weed before. Anyway, i call and ask her to hangout nd we smoke some of said substance (she was smoking before we did) and it was me her and my "bestfriend".
I wanted to just make her a customer at first honestly because i was homeless and wanted to get rid of stuff and make fast money to get a car and apartment.
Yeah that never happened. I instantly liked her and wanted to get to know her better. I'd spend hours looking for cool rocks to give her. We'd hang like everyday.
I ask her if she likes my "friend" because apparently he started to like her. She said no along with other things she didnt like about him. We start dating beginning of may. Things are going. Me and my "bestfriend" get into it. Arguing all the time, i put him on the ground and told him i was going to stomp his face into the ground over something, and we kep arguing more. She told me i needed to stand up for myself cuz id let him use me. I start doing that (hence the arguing and fight). She starts getting angry with me when i stabd up for myself. He'd steal off us. Go into our tent and steal. Yada yada. She started hating him she told me. But the whole time, id see her looking at him. She told me in an argument that shed fuck him and send me a video to hurt me. I start losing my mind. He was litterly pitting everyone around against me and he has admitted it. He's just being a piece of shit to be honest. One day, someone comes into a camp i had and things got psychical with the guy. He hits me and takes me.down and starts choking me. I tap. He wont let go. So i stab him in the leg once and his gf tried to pull a gun so my gf and i ran. I get arrested later on that night and i spent time in county jail even though it was self defense. My gf after only 2 days, starts habging with him and doing shit with him. She cheated on me before i even got the chance to talk to her on the phone in there because they put me in a psych unit for a few days.
She kept playin with me throughout my stay in the jail. Shed facetime me and acted like we were together. Said we were but she still had him in her house. She blocked the jail number. She blocked me on the tablet they give us to videochat.
I get our and things were still off with us. She was still dating him. Within a week, i tried to slit my wrist and i was bashing myself on the face because i felt so overwhelmed and so angry and sad. I spent the rest of the night crying to another friend about what was going on, how i wanted to die and everything i did wrong in our relationship. After i got off the phone, i went and tried to hang myself unsuccessfully. My SI kicked in.
The next morning i got ahold of her on ths phone and she was mean. She kept tellin me she loved him. I told her i was slitting my other wrist and while i was doing it she laughed and said she hated me. She didnt care....
She got arrested and so did he.
As soon as i found out i added her on the tablet. Put money on her commissary, phone and tablet. About 100 bucks.
We talked everyday. She got bailed out after a week. A week or so later we hang out. We get intimate and a few days later i get kicked out so i go back down by her. We started talking/dating. And weve been together everyday since. Almost 2 months now. I still feel she dosent love me. I feel lonely. I cant even be upset and try ro talk things out with her cuz she gets so upset and starts to be mean.
I wanted her back. I got it. And honestly, it hurts.so much. After finding everything out, i get these visions that wont leave my brain. Things she told me, race in my head every second. I feel i dont satisfy her anymore. In anyway besides giving her attention. She is still willing to throw away our relationship at the drop of a dime.
It dosent get better. I hate life. No matter what, im not happy. I even tried doing like 4 bags of fent, and i just got really high and sick the next day. I wish i let the guy who was choking me succsed
I wanted to just make her a customer at first honestly because i was homeless and wanted to get rid of stuff and make fast money to get a car and apartment.
Yeah that never happened. I instantly liked her and wanted to get to know her better. I'd spend hours looking for cool rocks to give her. We'd hang like everyday.
I ask her if she likes my "friend" because apparently he started to like her. She said no along with other things she didnt like about him. We start dating beginning of may. Things are going. Me and my "bestfriend" get into it. Arguing all the time, i put him on the ground and told him i was going to stomp his face into the ground over something, and we kep arguing more. She told me i needed to stand up for myself cuz id let him use me. I start doing that (hence the arguing and fight). She starts getting angry with me when i stabd up for myself. He'd steal off us. Go into our tent and steal. Yada yada. She started hating him she told me. But the whole time, id see her looking at him. She told me in an argument that shed fuck him and send me a video to hurt me. I start losing my mind. He was litterly pitting everyone around against me and he has admitted it. He's just being a piece of shit to be honest. One day, someone comes into a camp i had and things got psychical with the guy. He hits me and takes me.down and starts choking me. I tap. He wont let go. So i stab him in the leg once and his gf tried to pull a gun so my gf and i ran. I get arrested later on that night and i spent time in county jail even though it was self defense. My gf after only 2 days, starts habging with him and doing shit with him. She cheated on me before i even got the chance to talk to her on the phone in there because they put me in a psych unit for a few days.
She kept playin with me throughout my stay in the jail. Shed facetime me and acted like we were together. Said we were but she still had him in her house. She blocked the jail number. She blocked me on the tablet they give us to videochat.
I get our and things were still off with us. She was still dating him. Within a week, i tried to slit my wrist and i was bashing myself on the face because i felt so overwhelmed and so angry and sad. I spent the rest of the night crying to another friend about what was going on, how i wanted to die and everything i did wrong in our relationship. After i got off the phone, i went and tried to hang myself unsuccessfully. My SI kicked in.
The next morning i got ahold of her on ths phone and she was mean. She kept tellin me she loved him. I told her i was slitting my other wrist and while i was doing it she laughed and said she hated me. She didnt care....
She got arrested and so did he.
As soon as i found out i added her on the tablet. Put money on her commissary, phone and tablet. About 100 bucks.
We talked everyday. She got bailed out after a week. A week or so later we hang out. We get intimate and a few days later i get kicked out so i go back down by her. We started talking/dating. And weve been together everyday since. Almost 2 months now. I still feel she dosent love me. I feel lonely. I cant even be upset and try ro talk things out with her cuz she gets so upset and starts to be mean.
I wanted her back. I got it. And honestly, it hurts.so much. After finding everything out, i get these visions that wont leave my brain. Things she told me, race in my head every second. I feel i dont satisfy her anymore. In anyway besides giving her attention. She is still willing to throw away our relationship at the drop of a dime.
It dosent get better. I hate life. No matter what, im not happy. I even tried doing like 4 bags of fent, and i just got really high and sick the next day. I wish i let the guy who was choking me succsed
