Notes to children ?

[Slow85]

Hi all
I'm brand new here and have used the search function but haven't found anything so apologies if this has been discussed
Wondering on people's thoughts.... I'm planning on ending my life and have some loose ends to tie with regards to making arrangements for my children and this is the hold up to having not done something sooner. I need to ensure they are okay etc but I was wondering

Would people leave a note for them? Some of them are small (under 5) and they won't understand but maybe for when they are older ? To help them make sense of my choice. I have a note for their dad and that will explain (although he knows ) but something more personal for them ?

Thanks in advance

 

[theguineapigking]

Hello. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain.

I don't have kids personally,but if I did,i would leave a note for when they are older. It may help them to understand a little bit more. If possible,you could even make a personal video of yourself telling them you love them more than anything and you're so sorry that you won't be there to see them grow up.(use your own wording of course) I truly think when they are older it could help them emotionally. So I definitely vote yes. If you're up to it,a video or videos would probably be awesome.



Have you tried all possible options to live? I understand suicide. I really do. But sometimes getting "help" actually does help. Just please be sure this is what you want. I'm not questioning your judgement. I'm just asking you to be positive.



I'm here if you need someone to talk with.


I wish you the best.

 

[Slow85]

Have you tried all possible options to live? I understand suicide. I really do. But sometimes getting "help" actually does help. Just please be sure this is what you want. I'm not questioning your judgement. I'm just asking you to be positive.

Thank you for the reply . I appreciate it and appreciate the sentiment of getting help. Unfortunately I have been trying to get help for a number of years for a serious mental health condition and have been unable to receive adequate support. They won't help... it isn't available. I can't anymore. I've lost friends , my life , I don't recognise the person I am anymore and it isn't ever going to go away and I don't have the fight anymore. My children don't have a mum anymore it's just a shell of the person I was and there aren't the services around to help when you ask for it
It's all well and good asking for the help .... but when you ask no one comes....
My husband is drained. He is trying to support us financially emotionally and physically . It's to much. This is the best option to remove the suffering for everyone
It's not knee jerk I know I have to make plans to ensure things are in place for when I'm gone to make things better for them .

 

[theguineapigking]

Thank you for the reply . I appreciate it and appreciate the sentiment of getting help. Unfortunately I have been trying to get help for a number of years for a serious mental health condition and have been unable to receive adequate support. They won't help... it isn't available. I can't anymore. I've lost friends , my life , I don't recognise the person I am anymore and it isn't ever going to go away and I don't have the fight anymore. My children don't have a mum anymore it's just a shell of the person I was and there aren't the services around to help when you ask for it
It's all well and good asking for the help .... but when you ask no one comes....
My husband is drained. He is trying to support us financially emotionally and physically . It's to much. This is the best option to remove the suffering for everyone ❤
It's not knee jerk I know I have to make plans to ensure things are in place for when I'm gone to make things better for them .

Hey. It's no problem at all :)


I'm just so sorry. I know my sorry doesn't help you. But most people like the camaraderie on this website. I'm being genuine. I wish I could help you. Mental health is just so hard to get over. In my case I just don't like society in general.Mental barriers are often harder to overcome than physical barriers.

You've been trying for 10 years. That is a long time. You're strong for having held on that long.


I guess I don't know what else to say. I just hope everything goes as well as possible for you and your family. I'd recommend spending as much time as you can with them. Family photos or videos could also be good memories.


Like I said,I'm here for you anytime...as long as I'm still alive of course. Feel free to message. ❤

 

[MsMaudlin]

Hey,

I'm so sorry you are in this awful position, mine is very similar.

I have done my children letters, and bought a book for my grandchild as they are just a baby.

Its so hard to know what to do ❤

 

[Noxy]

Leaving something for when they are older would be the best option in my opinion, as it would really make them understand your current situation when they have a mindset mature enough for something like that. I also think that it is possible that your partner would decide not to tell them the real reason of your disappearing, to avoid too much suffering for them in their early years, so a letter for them to read right now could be delayed to when they're adults either way.

So sorry to hear about all this, really hope you will get better.

 

[Ghost2211]

Reading this made me sad, and that is why I am still here. Saying goodbye to children is just as far as being alive sometimes. I've thought about leaving a note to each of the children to be given to them when they are older, but I know it will do nothing to ease the pain of the fact that I left them behind. It really depends on their personalities if reading a note from you down the road would make them feel better or worse.

 

[Slow85]

Reading this made me sad, and that is why I am still here. Saying goodbye to children is just as far as being alive sometimes. I've thought about leaving a note to each of the children to be given to them when they are older, but I know it will do nothing to ease the pain of the fact that I left them behind. It really depends on their personalities if reading a note from you down the road would make them feel better or worse.

It's hard because I don't know who they will be when they are older. I know for the younger ones (6 ,5 and 3 ) they won't understand now but I have older 2 who will understand death and the act of suicide but of course not the reasons -not that they should it's not their cross the bear.

I don't find leaving my kids more painful than staying. In the beginning I did but as time has passed and the effects of the person I know am is visible on within the family life I know it's the best option for them. For them to be happy and have a good parent caring for them , rather than a parent that needs caring for by the other which takes attention away from them (much more than this of course hospital admissions etc)

They deserve so much more

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If it were me, I would write a letter for when they are in their late teens to 18. I would tell them the things I thought were wonderful about them, what I was proud of them for, happy memories I had of them, and the hopes I had for them, as well as an explanation and understanding of how hard it would have been for them.

 

[Ghost2211]

It's hard because I don't know who they will be when they are older. I know for the younger ones (6 ,5 and 3 ) they won't understand now but I have older 2 who will understand death and the act of suicide but of course not the reasons -not that they should it's not their cross the bear.

I don't find leaving my kids more painful than staying. In the beginning I did but as time has passed and the effects of the person I know am is visible on within the family life I know it's the best option for them. For them to be happy and have a good parent caring for them , rather than a parent that needs caring for by the other which takes attention away from them (much more than this of course hospital admissions etc)

They deserve so much more

It is easy when you get into a depressive state to convince yourself that those around you would be better off without you. Obviously I don't know your children or their personalities, but I can tell you coming from a place where I have an eight-year-old child that is suicidal and as such I've been able to have open conversations with him about his ideation's and mine. He has made it very clear he would rather suffer together than have me die. That even the consequences of having a highly depressed parent or more valuable to him than the loss of his mother. It should be noted I have not told him I have any intentions of dying he simply figured out that I am having ideations. I honestly think in a world where you could sit down and have an unemotional discussion with the children that are old enough to understand they would tell you that the loss would be something that would be permanent in their life. As suicidal parents it is an unfortunate reality we must accept that we will add a permanent chapter to our children's narrative if we take our lives. This is something I battle with every day, and every time I look into their little faces. Whether we are good or shitty parents we are loved by our children.

 

[breachingthevoid]

Reading through your responses, I see that you have said you've exhausted all methods to attempt to live. Ideally, with small children and a husband, you would figure out a way to stay, but in the end it is absolutely your choice and your life. I am sending loving thoughts that you will find a way to try and stay around as long as possible for them and for yourself (you will miss out on so much if you leave). With that said, if you do choose to leave, I would definitely write letters to your children, if not go a step farther and record something for them either video or with your voice. Explain what has brought you to this conclusion and do your best to explain to them that they have zero fault in what you are doing (sadly, children carry terrible guilt even if things aren't their faults - someone in my life has gone through this and even though what happened to the parent was not their fault, they still feel a terrible guilt over not being able to do something about it). I believe had this person I spoke about gotten an explanation, they would feel much better about things. Your kids may not be old enough now to understand, but they will have this to hold on to later. I would also write/record something for them that has nothing to do with your end, but rather about all of the happy times you had together - memories, thoughts, your feelings about them, etc. SOmething they can have an hold on to that is "you". Do the same for your husband. This would be my advice. Hoping that you are able to find a way through.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Probably will not leave a note. What is there to say? anything you say will be taken however the reader wnats, not what you say.