Discussion Notes for friends?

[ghqkiiia2]

I had suffered depression for more than a decade and kept seeking medical assistance, taking pills, things like that. My emotions had it's up and down since then. Some of my close friends and my supervisor knew all these and keep helping me. Recently my ph.D thesis is in crisis, so naturally, my emotion is like hitting by a truck, naturally they worried about me. I am not 100% certain I will CTB, but the idea went trough my mind more and more frequently. I am not saying I will, but if I decide to carry out the operation, should I leave note for the them? Maybe apologize for not being able to returning all their favors, and explaining they've done nothing wrong? Cause in my country, once a PhD student killed him/herself, the media sometimes blame the supervisor for giving too much pressure while not caring. My case is opposite of those reports, maybe a note would take my friends and supervisors off the hook? Just looking for advice.Nothing is determined yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course only you know what is best for your situation, but I would see it as a good idea to leave a note personally. A note can act as a form of closure and will mean that those left behind will not be left with unanswered questions and they would have an explanation. I think that it is better than leaving nothing.

 

[ghqkiiia2]

Of course only you know what is best for your situation, but I would see it as a good idea to leave a note personally. A note can act as a form of closure and will mean that those left behind will not be left with unanswered questions and they would have an explanation. I think that it is better than leaving nothing.

Thanks for advice, I think your theory is very convincing . Hopefully it won't come to a time I will have to deal this matter in a much more serious way.
But a little more question if I may, in a few times things really went south, they usually ask me whether I had any sort of suicide intentions, I always laughed them off the idea. But if I to leave a note, kind of feeling like I had been lying to them in their face…..

 

[Asatsuyu]

Personally Im gonna leave a whole bunch of notes, since I want to address alot of people individually. Like FuneralCry pointed out a note can bring closure to those left behind.

My case is opposite of those reports, maybe a note would take my friends and supervisors off the hook?

I think it's a great idea, even if its just to give them closure and to reassure them there was nothing they couldve done.

Thanks for advice, I think your theory is very convincing . Hopefully it won't come to a time I will have to deal this matter in a much more serious way.
But a little more question if I may, in a few times things really went south, they usually ask me whether I had any sort of suicide intentions, I always laughed them off the idea. But if I to leave a note, kind of feeling like I had been lying to them in their face…..

Just because you laughed them off at the time doesn't mean you were lying, it just means you had such intentions at the time :)
You know what's best for you and I wish you luck with whatever you end up doing!

 

[Smart No More]

When I researched information on writing a good suicide note I found some very useful and interesting tips. What sticks in my mind is the advice that you should resist writing things like "it's not your fault" and "I'm sorry". The reasons for that advice were twofold. Firstly you might plant the seed that starts them blaming theirselves if they initially didn't consider it a possibility. I know it sounds kind of counter intuitive but when you think it through it does make sense. The second thing, regarding not saying sorry is similar in that they can't reply to you once you're dead and it might play on their concience that they can't tell you it's okay. They may be sad that you felt the need to apologise or it could potentially go the other direction and make them feel the need to blame you because you planted the seed that you did something wrong.

There are ways to say those things without the potential negative connotations though. For example if you want say it's not your fault you can do it inadvertently by saying thank you, "thank you for the support you gave me and thank you for getting me this far". "I think I may have done this a long time ago if it wasn't for your help" etc. That way they know it isn't their fault and they know you appreciated them. As far as saying sorry you can go about it by saying you regret the need to leave and wish circumstances would have allowed it however this was the only option you found after giving things a lot of thought and consideration. I guess the general tactic is to express things without leaving any room for interpretation or any open ended statements that might garner a desire/urge to respond. It's not easy but I think it's worth attempting to do it that way.

Unfortunately I can't find the source of that info any longer. I searched for it but it doesn't appear in the results. I suspect it was censored by the search engine so if you go looking I'd suggest using a search engine that isn't google. There are still a couple of relatively untainted search engines around. Maybe you will get lucky and find something useful if you do decide to search for further note writing advice/guidance.

Currently I'm torn between written notes and video notes. It feels like video might be good but it may be hard on loved ones to only have that as their final memory of you so it's possibly worth making a separate video note of you talking about things you valued. Positive things that made your life better at times. Stick only to those things and stay of the subject of ctb. Basically an 'I love you and thanks for memories, I know you love me too' kind of thing. The hard thing with that is avoiding breaking into tears whilst recording it. I tried and found that really, really hard to do.

 

[ghqkiiia2]

When I researched information on writing a good suicide note I found some very useful and interesting tips. What sticks in my mind is the advice that you should resist writing things like "it's not your fault" and "I'm sorry". The reasons for that advice were twofold. Firstly you might plant the seed that starts them blaming theirselves if they initially didn't consider it a possibility. I know it sounds kind of counter intuitive but when you think it through it does make sense. The second thing, regarding not saying sorry is similar in that they can't reply to you once you're dead and it might play on their concience that they can't tell you it's okay. They may be sad that you felt the need to apologise or it could potentially go the other direction and make them feel the need to blame you because you planted the seed that you did something wrong.

There are ways to say those things without the potential negative connotations though. For example if you want say it's not your fault you can do it inadvertently by saying thank you, "thank you for the support you gave me and thank you for getting me this far". "I think I may have done this a long time ago if it wasn't for your help" etc. That way they know it isn't their fault and they know you appreciated them. As far as saying sorry you can go about it by saying you regret the need to leave and wish circumstances would have allowed it however this was the only option you found after giving things a lot of thought and consideration. I guess the general tactic is to express things without leaving any room for interpretation or any open ended statements that might garner a desire/urge to respond. It's not easy but I think it's worth attempting to do it that way.

Unfortunately I can't find the source of that info any longer. I searched for it but it doesn't appear in the results. I suspect it was censored by the search engine so if you go looking I'd suggest using a search engine that isn't google. There are still a couple of relatively untainted search engines around. Maybe you will get lucky and find something useful if you do decide to search for further note writing advice/guidance.

Currently I'm torn between written notes and video notes. It feels like video might be good but it may be hard on loved ones to only have that as their final memory of you so it's possibly worth making a separate video note of you talking about things you valued. Positive things that made your life better at times. Stick only to those things and stay of the subject of ctb. Basically an 'I love you and thanks for memories, I know you love me too' kind of thing. The hard thing with that is avoiding breaking into tears whilst recording it. I tried and found that really, really hard to do.

When I researched information on writing a good suicide note I found some very useful and interesting tips. What sticks in my mind is the advice that you should resist writing things like "it's not your fault" and "I'm sorry". The reasons for that advice were twofold. Firstly you might plant the seed that starts them blaming theirselves if they initially didn't consider it a possibility. I know it sounds kind of counter intuitive but when you think it through it does make sense. The second thing, regarding not saying sorry is similar in that they can't reply to you once you're dead and it might play on their concience that they can't tell you it's okay. They may be sad that you felt the need to apologise or it could potentially go the other direction and make them feel the need to blame you because you planted the seed that you did something wrong.

There are ways to say those things without the potential negative connotations though. For example if you want say it's not your fault you can do it inadvertently by saying thank you, "thank you for the support you gave me and thank you for getting me this far". "I think I may have done this a long time ago if it wasn't for your help" etc. That way they know it isn't their fault and they know you appreciated them. As far as saying sorry you can go about it by saying you regret the need to leave and wish circumstances would have allowed it however this was the only option you found after giving things a lot of thought and consideration. I guess the general tactic is to express things without leaving any room for interpretation or any open ended statements that might garner a desire/urge to respond. It's not easy but I think it's worth attempting to do it that way.

Unfortunately I can't find the source of that info any longer. I searched for it but it doesn't appear in the results. I suspect it was censored by the search engine so if you go looking I'd suggest using a search engine that isn't google. There are still a couple of relatively untainted search engines around. Maybe you will get lucky and find something useful if you do decide to search for further note writing advice/guidance.

Currently I'm torn between written notes and video notes. It feels like video might be good but it may be hard on loved ones to only have that as their final memory of you so it's possibly worth making a separate video note of you talking about things you valued. Positive things that made your life better at times. Stick only to those things and stay of the subject of ctb. Basically an 'I love you and thanks for memories, I know you love me too' kind of thing. The hard thing with that is avoiding breaking into tears whilst recording it. I tried and found that really, really hard to do.

Thanks for your precious thought, especially the part about not seeding the possibility for my friends' future self-blame. I shall mark your reply, just in case one day I will need to use these tricks.

 

[sufferingalways]

When I researched information on writing a good suicide note I found some very useful and interesting tips. What sticks in my mind is the advice that you should resist writing things like "it's not your fault" and "I'm sorry". The reasons for that advice were twofold. Firstly you might plant the seed that starts them blaming theirselves if they initially didn't consider it a possibility. I know it sounds kind of counter intuitive but when you think it through it does make sense. The second thing, regarding not saying sorry is similar in that they can't reply to you once you're dead and it might play on their concience that they can't tell you it's okay. They may be sad that you felt the need to apologise or it could potentially go the other direction and make them feel the need to blame you because you planted the seed that you did something wrong.

There are ways to say those things without the potential negative connotations though. For example if you want say it's not your fault you can do it inadvertently by saying thank you, "thank you for the support you gave me and thank you for getting me this far". "I think I may have done this a long time ago if it wasn't for your help" etc. That way they know it isn't their fault and they know you appreciated them. As far as saying sorry you can go about it by saying you regret the need to leave and wish circumstances would have allowed it however this was the only option you found after giving things a lot of thought and consideration. I guess the general tactic is to express things without leaving any room for interpretation or any open ended statements that might garner a desire/urge to respond. It's not easy but I think it's worth attempting to do it that way.

Unfortunately I can't find the source of that info any longer. I searched for it but it doesn't appear in the results. I suspect it was censored by the search engine so if you go looking I'd suggest using a search engine that isn't google. There are still a couple of relatively untainted search engines around. Maybe you will get lucky and find something useful if you do decide to search for further note writing advice/guidance.

Currently I'm torn between written notes and video notes. It feels like video might be good but it may be hard on loved ones to only have that as their final memory of you so it's possibly worth making a separate video note of you talking about things you valued. Positive things that made your life better at times. Stick only to those things and stay of the subject of ctb. Basically an 'I love you and thanks for memories, I know you love me too' kind of thing. The hard thing with that is avoiding breaking into tears whilst recording it. I tried and found that really, really hard to do.

Hello there,
thank you for this detailed message. Regards search engines I've been trying out mojeek.com
startpage
metager.org
These were results of "search engines that don't track you"

There's more out there.


DuckDuckGo is open to dispute, but i have found it useful for large font.

Just wanted to share what I have found.