Okay so I'm a new frog but I have been thinking about all of this for years but it has only recently started becoming more and more clear that this is the end of my life, I'm just trying to get enough information to ensure that I don't end up in the ICU or have organ failure. I have had a quick look here and found some info on SN but I'm unsure of how to actually do this, I have like 120 sleeping tablets but I'm not sure if that would do anything to me.
Some background on my life: I'm 27, I have had a really hard time with my childhood and adultlife so far with gender dysphoria, I tried transitioning at 18 with the NHS but was put onto their waitlist and pushed back from getting DIY by online forums, after waiting years and years and seeing my body become more and more ogre-like, I tried transitioning at 26 with DIY meds and they had made no difference in how I look, I consider this to be a good effort put into living. Everyone around my age is getting married, buying houses, making loads of friends, while I sit inside playing games and starving myself as a punishment. I felt for the longest time from around 14-26 that I wasn't really alive but I could never really explain why, it's almost like you are dying but you don't really understand why or how, but you just know that you are dying. Like I never knew who I was or what even was wrong with me until it was too late, at 26 my body is too far gone and my life is in too much of a wreak to ever fix it. I think it's time for me to stop living in a fantasy place where I can pass and have a great life as woman, and wakeup to the reality that it's too late. I am just in pain and exhausted from all of the repressing. I just need an escape, a permanent one. I suffocated myself by repressing and now internally I'm too dead to do anything, I have went to A+E before for an attempt and I got released the same day so nobody really cares.
Can someone dm me a source and how to use it, thank you
Some background on my life: I'm 27, I have had a really hard time with my childhood and adultlife so far with gender dysphoria, I tried transitioning at 18 with the NHS but was put onto their waitlist and pushed back from getting DIY by online forums, after waiting years and years and seeing my body become more and more ogre-like, I tried transitioning at 26 with DIY meds and they had made no difference in how I look, I consider this to be a good effort put into living. Everyone around my age is getting married, buying houses, making loads of friends, while I sit inside playing games and starving myself as a punishment. I felt for the longest time from around 14-26 that I wasn't really alive but I could never really explain why, it's almost like you are dying but you don't really understand why or how, but you just know that you are dying. Like I never knew who I was or what even was wrong with me until it was too late, at 26 my body is too far gone and my life is in too much of a wreak to ever fix it. I think it's time for me to stop living in a fantasy place where I can pass and have a great life as woman, and wakeup to the reality that it's too late. I am just in pain and exhausted from all of the repressing. I just need an escape, a permanent one. I suffocated myself by repressing and now internally I'm too dead to do anything, I have went to A+E before for an attempt and I got released the same day so nobody really cares.
Can someone dm me a source and how to use it, thank you
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