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mixerrr001

New Member
Nov 1, 2020
4
Ok guys.
Here is my story : t... in school was bullied as fuck. U know . Only alcohol helped me. All my friends was the same poor guys and girls who was bullied or have big problems in family alcoholism drug abuse extreme poverty. I am from country where people die for a bottle of vodka or even pair of shoes. 30 euro month salary.
Left school without ending HIgh School. Even i was best in my class i didnt care and it was extreme hard. I start smoking 2 pack of ciggarts day and drinking alcohol. Not beer but vodka.... actaully i was much healthier to get 100-150g vodka then 3l of beer. Well everything is damaging your health after all.
But i found some online game. it was .... just wonderful i spend 8 years playing this game. Isolation in my house 5 years.... I met much people in this game.. I met my 1st GF,,,, when i was 24... my 1st sex. She left me after all .. called me autistic :) But doesnt matter. Doesnt matter. this game saved me from drugs. From Misery. From self hard . From dirty street full of dangerous people. It gave me best nights raids and pvp... it brain damaged my brain in good way. i have schizoaffectibve bipolar. Borderline. High anxiety but when i am in mania i feel better then on heroine and any drugs . i feeling my self god and universe.all english i ever learn from this game. YEs i am from Kazahstan /

Guys listen to me i understand some of you are unable to enjoy life.. some dont have legs hands.. some dont have house of family ... i understand I CANT GIVE A DVICE TO THIS PEOPLE I CANT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT ARE U DEALING ...

But listen to me i never had a father.... my grannies only who supported me and because of them i still alive... Pls listen to me people who have some money. who just depressed or really have anhedonia and cant enjoy anything. Pls check out games... some music.... Pls leave tyhe palce where u live.. GO for psychodelics.. If ur really cant enjoy life...

CLONAZEPAM>>.... CLONOPIN guys.. iwas shyt as fuck it took me 7 years to say to one girl i love her.. This drug Damaged my brain beyond repair... Iwithdrwaal is horible i already spend 3 years laying in my bed. just because i choose to look at life with sober eyes but GUYS... i had a DREAM I HAD A DESIRE TO live last my 5-10 years sober and then i start it again but for you WHo want ot suicide just try it.. on this drug.. my scoial anxiety went away. I litereally pick up girls anywhere even had sex 2 times. and i can tell you for sure i not look even any good. just trust me. if u lose ur hope so OBSESED WITH UR LOOK OR UR HAVE ANHEDONIA.. this drug if ur taki it like 2mg-4mg day... for 2 weeeks then ur noit take for 2 days ur go withdrawwal and ur serotonin dopamine become high due GABA is low and ur get euphoria simmilar to heroine injection non stop 24/7 i.... i felt no shame i felt what does it mean to be FREE from fear. to speak with people and not think how you look. To be Absolutely dope high and it jsut 2mg 4mg..... it WAY TO NOWHERE but ur still can try MAYBE I GONNA SAFE SOMEONES LIFES> PLEASE ALL GONNA DIE ANYWAY BUT MAYBE>.... it worth to try.. trust me clonopine best shit i ever done and anyone can find only 1 thing IMPORTANT it way to nowhere WITHDRAWAL ur will feel 100TIMES WORSE THEN BEFORE UR START IT my BRAIN ARE DAMAGED NOW.. I HAVE ELECTRIC SHOCKS insimnia for 7 days ur see HOW CRAZY I AM BUT I TOOK CLONOPIN AFte 2 years of withdrwal. I WANT GO OUTSIDE I WANT HUG PEOPLE LMAO I WANT EAT GOOD FOOD I WANT GET JOB I WANT LIVE I WANT TRAVEL WITHOUT MONEY GO OUTSIDE AND LVIE PLS GUYS...


SOMETHIGN ELSE MICRODOSING...... NOT REALLY MICRO BUT IF U HAVE US PASSPORT OR PASSPORT WHICH ALLOWS TO COME TO EUROPE OR U LIVE IN STATE WHERE IT POSSIBLE TO FIND PSYLOCIBINE MUSHROOMS GUYS PLS DO IT... BEFORE CLONAZEPAM ...... TRY PSACODELIC MUSHROOMS.. NOT LSD... MUSHROOMS....
SCLEROTIA TRUFFLES if you IN EUROPE UR CAN FIND IN NETHERLANDS OR BELGIUM OR GERMANY..


start from 2g dried mushrooms and even when ur hit tolerance.... ur still can consume like 3-4g every week. tolerance is reserved 14-20 days but i doing mushroosm every 1 week in does 3-4g i not hallucinate but i feel blessed, i enjoy walking i enjoy nature i feel conenction to nature i dont want to die i know i will die.. i know i suffering but PAIN KILLERS.... MUSHROOMS AND IF UR REALLY IT NOT HELP Maybe clonazepam as last hope.. pls BEFORE TRYING THINGS WHICH UR ABLE TO TRY DONT WRITE HERE SHIT SN .. YES YES YES.... FUCK UR SN.. IT AINFULLL ALL IS SO PAINFULL DANGEROUS... also ur wont bielive.. but clonazepam with even with fgkn SUBUTEX.......... knokicng me out on 30 houtrs, IF I CANT FIX MYSELF MAYBE I GOONAN GO ON THE TOP OF 50 floor take it ENJOY LAST BREATH NOT SHIT UR HERE WRITING BAGS>> SHIT I NOT GONAN DIE WITH BAG ON MY HEAD OR WITH SOME SALT i NAUSEA AND PAIN WORST SHIT UR CAN EXPERIENCE LAST YR HOUSE.. NOT I BETTER BLACK OUR AND CRACK MY HEAD ON MOUNTAIN ENJOY LAST SUNRISE THEN THIS SHIT>>> YES IT NOT FOR ALL SOME OCANT WALK BUT PEOPLE SOME OF YOU CAN SO PLEASE TRY TRY JUST REMEMBER I AM CRAZY BUT REMEMEBR PSYLOCIBINE.......... CLONAZEPAM AND IF UR SUFFERING FROM CANCR OR SOME THING PAINKILLER..... AND MAYBE UR CAN ENJOY NICE 5-7 years OF LIFE AND MAYBE SOEM OF UR TELL ME THINKS MAYBE NO IT DOESNT MATTER I WAS SLEEPING IN -35 at KRASNOYARSK WAS DYING IN WITH LONG INFLAMAMTION FOR 4 MONTH I WAS FIGHTING CUZ IF THIS SUICIDE ATTEMPT CLONAZEPAM TOOK ME OUT OF MIZERAY PSYLOCIBINE MADE ME WAKE UP AND I RLEALZIE WHAT WHOLE MY LIFE I WAS SLEEPY AS ANIMAL PSL GUYS 1 life abut ur can try all before posting here and reading ..... UR CAN DO IT ANYTIME.... BUT PLS MAYBE MAYBE I DONT SAY IT WILL BE OK FOR 50% even for 20 % but even if i can safe 5% of people who try clonazepam or psyclocibin psl try go doctor go black market Pls LIFE IS GOOD LIFE IS GOOD EVEN LAST MY month or year..... PLS GUYS >... ENJOY ENNOY AS MUCH AS U CAN BEFORE ur going forever sleep.
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,728
*shakes site, hears rattling*

I think you just broke SS.



ENJOY UR SHROOMS AND UR GAMES AND SEX AND UR LIFE THO. SHIT SRSLY ENJOY IT FOR ALL OF US. PLZ. WAY OVER THERE IN UR COUNTRY. WAAAAY OVER THERE FAR AWAY OK?
 
M

mixerrr001

New Member
Nov 1, 2020
4
*shakes site, hears rattling*

I think you just broke SS.



ENJOY UR SHROOMS AND UR GAMES AND SEX AND UR LIFE THO. SHIT SRSLY ENJOY IT FOR ALL OF US. PLZ. WAY OVER THERE IN UR COUNTRY. WAAAAY OVER THERE FAR AWAY OK?
<3 i not mention all the physical problems i have and no day without hard painkillers for stomach but u know still here still patient still as long as i can enjoy the day i cant i probably go away but ... i spend on this website reading 6 month now i decided to write because my life up and down up and down... only chemicals keeping me alive// but some of people are AFRAID OF TRY IT> that the point... if we had GOOD HEALTH CARE WITH ALLOWED DRUGS>>> i mean... look... Death war..... they still not let people live and die as they want... WE LIVE IN BRING PRISON>> THEY BUILDED CITIES FULL OF CEMENT AND WALKS WITH CARS WHICH POLUTED EVERYTHING NO ONCE CARE ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS that system working like..... if 1 person care only about himself whole system to pretend care about personality but focused on eficiency if ur not efficient ur dead. ROBOT LIFE.... SUPERFICIAL LIFE FK IT. even if ur rude even if ur say it in double standarts i STILL LOVE YOU AND I NOT ENJOY FOR OTHERS I ENJPY FOR MYSELF BUT I WANT IF U NEED HERLP FK MAN DISCORD : BeBeBentlysRoversMoshinMoto#0182 add me anytime i send money who dont have i live on 300 euro month but now i want give away all if ur from russia or even africa naytime man. MY SUPPORT HELP OR WHATEVER U NEED I GIVE U LAST
The point is i never knew how clonazepam is strong ... i mean xanax... alprazolam diazepam.. oxazepam never gave me what clonazepam gave and especailly when i withdraw from high doses 1st 5 days i feel euphoria ... it hard to epxain it like touchin god i moving so fast i speak 9999999 languages but since clonazepam stay in blood up to 2 week and for me it stays 3 week cuz of reduced liver function .... GUYs understand e right maybe it helps for someone just remember it DANGEROUS IF UR STOP IT IT change ur brain forever but it wonderland
 
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Devils_candY

Devils_candY

Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
Oct 23, 2020
46
Hey, I'm gonna jump in with my story,,, maybe my struggle will help...

I have enjoyed life. Even in the worst of times I could go out and do something "fun"... I played for a fairly popular band, touring with bands such as slipknot, rammstein, mydvayne, etc. Thing is this. I had fun those years. Taking the world in every line I blew...

The fun was superficial though. I might have been smiling, high as hell, but I was so miserable everytime I woke up sober... just to bring the fun back by polishing off a bottle of Svedka before I even brushed my teeth... let the day begin.

Ok, so look at Robin Williams... the man had it all... anything he could have ever wanted, or needed. He had family, friends, materialistic belongings... everything. He could buy the best doctors, psychs, etc. The thing is this... his ultimate act of mercy was to end the misery that existed only in his head. Bless him for relieving his pain. I can only hope he's happy now.

So I come to one point... we can be happy with life. Content to live on superficially with what monetary gains we might acquire. Thing is that I'll never feel normal inside. I'll always be off... and eventually I will choose to end that insecurity... the ultimate act of mercy.

So the question is will our cover stories ever be enough to keep us from ourselves? Doubtfully... but!!! I can only wish you the best in life.

For me? It's over...
 
muffin222

muffin222

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2020
1,188
Hey, I'm gonna jump in with my story,,, maybe my struggle will help...



Ok, so look at Robin Williams... the man had it all... anything he could have ever wanted, or needed. He had family, friends, materialistic belongings... everything. He could buy the best doctors, psychs, etc. The thing is this... his ultimate act of mercy was to end the misery that existed only in his head. Bless him for relieving his pain. I can only hope he's happy now.


I heard that Robin Williams had an incurable progressive brain disease called Lewy Body Dementia. The misery he endured was certainly very real and very likely to have worsened considerably with time.
 
D

Deformationalplagio

Born deformed
Dec 28, 2019
376
Man im deformed even if i would be rich i still would want to die. Hope i win the battle against my SI
 
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yive

yive

life is evil
Nov 6, 2020
696
i cannot enjoy life, and i can't be fixed.
there is only one way for me and you know it
 
M

mixerrr001

New Member
Nov 1, 2020
4
I can understand the unbearable pain. But when I read about internal conflicts. You understand that even childhood trauma this damage. it damages only your image of yourself. To your ego. Why is all of humanity so self-centered. Why when you are enjoying the beauty of someone's face or a very beautiful painting. Favorite movie or video. You are consumed by this. You neg. There is no image about myself. But when you want to stop living just because of the cruel treatment of your parents or your appearance or the rejection of society. Yes, if a set of problems is hard to exist in modern society. But you may be very self-focused. This does not mean that you should die like sleeping animals without seeing all the destruction of your own self .Everything that happened to me in the past. This is the memory of the whole image of ourselves, all our I is a memory. BUT try to die while living on this planet. Dying every day there is no past. and when you want to capture the moment of the present, it becomes the past. There is only a non-continuous current. And if you drop this offended image of yourself. Which is inevitably doomed to hurt pain. This is human nature. Violence .. But killing myself by saying yes, now I will die because of the fact that someone thinks badly of me or from not being accepted by others. I would not worry about this deeply sick society at all. Again, I'm not talking about real organic and deep mental problems. But most of the psychological problems associated with a big ego and the image of you about yourself which is inevitably doomed to damage.
I'm not judging anyone, but maybe at least someone will start to investigate themselves? i thinking what self-violence is the most sophisticated violence possible ... your body even cant defend itself. By the way, being frank, I myself am warmed by the idea that at any moment I can stop my life if the torment becomes unbearable, but reading when people stop living because of the inability to communicate or rejection by society is only a deep ego. When you yourself wake up you will understand that it is the ego. a picture of yourself is a replacement for you as consciousness. When you sleep you only have an image when you really see and explore this reality you will see that nothing can offend you and harm you psychologically
Everyone speaks from their own perspective. I think that any discussion here is useless in any case, I said what I wanted to say, maybe it will help someone
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,460
I am glad that you have found healing and relief in games, music, and psychedelics. I think for many people they can be life changing and give someone views and outlooks they weren't capable of having before.

Can only speak for myself when I say the physical pain and anhedonia leaves me in agony daily to where I can't enjoy activities anymore. I tried every therapy for ptsd and even mushrooms and LSD, it didn't help because I had too much trauma.

I have permanent chronic pain and there is no relief because modern medicine doesn't know what causes it. I cannot access anything experimental without paying tons of money online. I wake up sick everyday and feel exhausted as soon as my eyes are open. Chronic fatigue has no cure, yet I am always told to keep pushing and that maybe in 20 years there will be one.. I will be hitting my 40s then, if this mythical timeline does exist, there's still no fix for my other physical problems.

Can't really enjoy games anymore because I feel like I'm in a permanent state of sleepwalking. No one understands because as long as I'm not in a wheelchair yet, I'm not really disabled to them. I'm expected to function as a neurotypical, healthy person. If my needs were met and I had a carer/disability allowance I might feel a bit differently about life but that won't happen. My boyfriend hates having a sick girlfriend. My school hates dealing with my case, they don't know how to help. No one does.
 
G

greebo6

Enlightened
Sep 11, 2020
1,480
I would guess a number of us here are indeed broken beyond repair. Think I am.
 
toseeyousmile

toseeyousmile

Member
Nov 23, 2020
80
I think I understand what you're saying, and I do think about the points you've made a lot, but for me I think if I was ruled by my ego as much as I was in the past, I would've ctb long ago. That being said, for me I feel like I've lost the desire to do pretty much most things, like even if somehow things from this point on turned out well for me, at my core, I don't really have the drive to do much in life anymore, so I guess although I think I can enjoy life, I don't think I could ever fill fulfilled or satisfied, though I'm not sure why...
 
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