Venting Not ready to CTB tomorrow

[timetodie24]

Fuck. I do really want to die but I don't feel ready for tomorrow . Maybe it's just SI ? Maybe I'll drink and just need to push myself. I have my rope ready but I don't feel ready.
I have no choice though. I'm under mind control and if I don't do it this weekend then they'll harm others and make me harm others too, which I really don't want to do.
Suicide was always inevitably how I'd die anyway and life is unbearable so I should thank them for pushing me. But I'm scared and not sure I can do it, I'm such a pathetic, weak coward. I have no choice really, have to pull myself together and do it.

 

[DarkFriend.]

You're not a coward, nor are you weak for embracing the most free action a person can take.

I feel the same way. It's how it's going to inevitably end so what's the fucking point?

I wish I had answers. Instead all I can say is that I feel similarly.

Life is like a block that we chip away at continually until hopefully something beautiful is revealed. I think that if we're to do it, it may as well be decisive and quick. No sense in dilly-dallying.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When you don't feel ready then don't do it. Idk but who is harmed when you don't die and y would you harm others when you don't die? Sounds a bit like you are pushed to CTB. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[timetodie24]

When you don't feel ready then don't do it. Idk but who is harmed when you don't die and y would you harm others when you don't die? Sounds a bit like you are pushed to CTB. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Thank you. I do feel pressured, I want to do it anyway but being pushed into doing it sooner. My loved ones will be harmed when I don't die and I'll be forced to hurt strangers to try and save them. There is something in control of my mind that has forces to control what happens to me and others . I can't let others get hurt so I must do it asap.

You're not a coward, nor are you weak for embracing the most free action a person can take.

I feel the same way. It's how it's going to inevitably end so what's the fucking point?

I wish I had answers. Instead all I can say is that I feel similarly.

Life is like a block that we chip away at continually until hopefully something beautiful is revealed. I think that if we're to do if, it may as well be decisive and quick. No sense in dilly-dallying.

Thank you. Sorry you feel similarly. Hope you find peace in whatever form that may take.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Thank you. I do feel pressured, I want to do it anyway but being pushed into doing it sooner. My loved ones will be harmed when I don't die and I'll be forced to hurt strangers to try and save them. There is something in control of my mind that has forces to control what happens to me and others . I can't let others get hurt so I must do it asap.

When there's no physical person pushing you and it's only in your mind then it's most likely a severe MH illness. Have you visited doctors/psychiatrists? Did you try any treatment? Intrusive thoughts?

 

[Ephemeron]

Hey, don't sweat it.

When you know your time, you'll be certain. Even though we are so convinced we want to die, often it really just isn't the time yet. I can't say why, but that's just how it is. You are not a coward or weak for feeling uncertain right now.

 

[timetodie24]

When there's no physical person pushing you and it's only in your mind then it's most likely a severe MH illness. Have you visited doctors/psychiatrists? Did you try any treatment? Intrusive thoughts?

Not a person directly but I have lots of evidence that it's not just in my mind. It is a physical thing. And they have controlled others to watch me .
I've had lots of mental health treatments over the years - therapies, meds, counselling, inpatient etc. but nothing really helped.
I had assessment when the mind control first started and they said I had no mental illness just intrusive thoughts.
But I can't tell any professionals what is happening now as it will put others in danger.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I don't know all your circumstances and why you feel like you have to end it - but exercising your right to die should be a 100% voluntary and well thought-out decision. If you feel like you have to do something, then don't do it. If you're not ready, then you're not ready yet - it's as simple as that, and that's valid. This is a final act, we don't know what comes after, there might as well be nothing - so there is really no point in rushing something final like this. But that's just my quick assessment without knowing exactly what's driving yo to this decision. I wish you the best.

 

[timetodie24]

Hey, don't sweat it.

When you know you're time, you'll be certain. Even though we are so convinced we want to die, often it really just isn't the time yet. I can't say why, but that's just how it is. You are not a coward or weak for feeling uncertain right now.

I don't know all your circumstances and why you feel like you have to end it - but exercising your right to die should be a 100% voluntary and well thought-out decision. If you feel like you have to do something, then don't do it. If you're not ready, then you're not ready yet - it's as simple as that, and that's valid. This is a final act, we don't know what comes after, there might as well be nothing - so there is really no point in rushing something final like this. But that's just my quick assessment without knowing exactly what's driving yo to this decision. I wish you the best.

Thank you both I guess it's not right time but i don't really feel I have any other option

 

[Dot]

Am goin2 b honst tht givn all of th/ powr & technolgy & monitrng tht thse ppl hve tld u tht thy hve tht thy wld allw u accss t/ a ste whre u cn escpe frm thm - contrllng b-havr 101 = isol8tng ppl frm spport netwrks yt u cn stll accss ppl wh/ mght influnce u t/ thnk dffrntly

Am srry tht ur mentl hlth profssnls hve faild u s/ mch in th/ pst wth evrythng tht u hve trid alrdy - & = obvs tht u rlly cre abt ppl in ur lfe - am sre thse lovd 1nes wld love t/ hlp & protct u as mch as u wn2 protct thm -- slf wsh tht u wre abl t/ fl as tho u cld tll thm opnly abt ur mre recnt & specfc fears - evn wth th/ rsourcs of orgnsatns lk u dscribe thy wld stll nevr b abl t/ contrl evry1 - = wld b 2 obvs

Slf agree wth wht othrs hve sd bt = also wrth keepng in mnd tht if u psh urslf in2 smethng tht u r nt rdy fr tht u r also mre lkely t/ fail & hve othr injries whch wll mke thngs mre dffclt fr u

Nt havng n.e contrl = a hrrble & dstressng feelng

 

[timetodie24]

Am goin2 b honst tht givn all of th/ powr & technolgy & monitrng tht thse ppl hve tld u tht thy hve tht thy wld allw u accss t/ a ste whre u cn escpe frm thm - contrllng b-havr 101 = isol8tng ppl frm spport netwrks yt u cn stll accss ppl wh/ mght influnce u t/ thnk dffrntly

Am srry tht ur mentl hlth profssnls hve faild u s/ mch in th/ pst wth evrythng tht u hve trid alrdy - & = obvs tht u rlly cre abt ppl in ur lfe - am sre thse lovd 1nes wld love t/ hlp & protct u as mch as u wn2 protct thm -- slf wsh tht u wre abl t/ fl as tho u cld tll thm opnly abt ur mre recnt & specfc fears - evn wth th/ rsourcs of orgnsatns lk u dscribe thy wld stll nevr b abl t/ contrl evry1 - = wld b 2 obvs

Slf agree wth wht othrs hve sd bt = also wrth keepng in mnd tht if u psh urslf in2 smethng tht u r nt rdy fr tht u r also mre lkely t/ fail & hve othr injries whch wll mke thngs mre dffclt fr u

Nt havng n.e contrl = a hrrble & dstressng feelng

Thank you
That does make sense. Not sure what i'll do.
Hoping I'll feel more prepared by tomorrow to do it successfully.

 

[timetodie24]

Thank you everyone but actually feeling more confident about it now. Been reminding myself of my reasons to die that outnumber any reasons to stay by far. Watching videos too and seeing how quick full suspension can be reminds me it's a good method .

 

[timetodie24]

Shit . I was meant to have an opportunity whilst both my parents were at a party tonight. My dad has decided he's not going so ruins that.
They should both be out tomorrow morning so hopefully opportunity then. If not then I'll run away and find somewhere to do it tomorrow as it's literally my last chance. It has to be before monday as I don't want to have to hurt anyone.
Sorry probably sound like weak, pathetic, childish, selfish fake. I do really want to do this. I'm sick of me going back and forth myself and don't expect anyone to respond. Just need to get it out somewhere.