Not ready. Or am I?

[Ednospatient]

I'm scared of CTB. Like really terrified. But I have no other option. I'm trying to make myself ready but I just can't seem to let go. Something prevents me from doing it, and I hate it. I can't keep living this life. I'm chronically ill and it will probably never get better. I keep clinging on to something. I've done so for over 3 years. At the end of the day, I don't really want to die. But I have no choice.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Chronical illness is so awful. May I ask you which method you are considering? I can relate to the quote "I don't really want to die. But I have no choice." in some ways. It's so hard to leave this world to finally be free.

 

[Death is my goal]

if you're scared then you're not ready, that's all there is to it

 

[manuel1056x]

I'm sorry for the things that you go through. If you unsure, than you in my opinion not ready. I would wait, there will be a moment where you be sure if you do it or not. That's just my opinion. Hope you will be happy..

 

[Ednospatient]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Chronical illness is so awful. May I ask you which method you are considering? I can relate to the quote "I don't really want to die. But I have no choice." in some ways. It's so hard to leave this world to finally be free.

I have one package of SN. I haven't been here since the SN guy got arrested, has anyone come up with an alternate method yet?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful feeling trapped in that situation, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[SVEN]

If you have any serious doubts about ctb I'd say you just aren't truly prepared (yet anyway) to take this one way trip. When you are ready, you'll know.
I'm very sorry for your rotten situation.

 

[spiritedawaytotoro]

I think most people thinking about ctb and even who want to ctb and have made a decision that seems rational to them, then have some degree of fear that it won't work. I'm sure if you asked most people here, they'd say the most important thing to them is to either ctb successfully or not do it - making a failed attempt would be worse than the current situation, and that is probably a common fear. Certainly for me it's actually my worst fear.

If you feel you absolutely must ctb, then you must plan and be ready. It's not something you can do on impulse and you do need to be sure, as much as you can, before doing it. If you feel you have no choice but to ctb it's not the same as actively wanting it - you probably still, deep down, have reservations.

If you do, you shouldn't make an attempt. Work through those feelings to decide what you want and maybe, if you can, try to make some drastic changes to your life (like move to a new place, perhaps... what's it matter if it either works or doesn't and you ctb - you have not moved backwards) to see if you feel better first. Try everything you can and, even if it doesn't work, it removes your doubt.

I don't mean this to read as flippant - I am so sorry about your situation, and it does sound difficult. I understand you must find life not at all easy.