tldr: bf went to bed before me, n i feel bad now n feel bad bout feelin bad cuz now he won't prioritize his own rest-
been feelin jealous of death. i hear of people who've been brutally murdered or committed suicide or died to a freak accident and the only things on me mind are sonder and the wish that i was the one who died, not them. me bf, lovely lad that i am utterly fuckin infatuated with, went to bed before me with the expectation i'd be alr on me own for a bit, n i feel bad that i wasn't. worried he'll skip out on sleep for me, i don't wanna fuck him up n make him sleep deprived, specially since he feels like shit when he doesn't get enough sleep.
eatin worries've been naggin at me too, not too bad but someone triggered me TWICE in ONE DAY and i hardly ate that day, still tryna rebound from that one, aye. never had anorexia or bulimia, got close, though (started purgin n calorie countin n all that shit but stopped because of a sudden interest in mma thanks to me bf)
not gonna ctb just yet, i promised him i wouldn't, aye, it just be on me mind.
all i hope is that when i kick the bucket, whether it be me own hand, a freak accident, or somethin natural, that i be remembered somehow. i know a lot of folks here just wanna be forgotten, but if i have to be honest, i hate the idea of information being lost in general. i have an obsession with archiving me own stuff, results in hoarder behavior, keeping wips of art and music i've never finished, n even photographing n savin pics o me own s/h-
was expectin this to be a shorter post but i guess me hands said otherwise today. good night, lads, n best o luck!
been feelin jealous of death. i hear of people who've been brutally murdered or committed suicide or died to a freak accident and the only things on me mind are sonder and the wish that i was the one who died, not them. me bf, lovely lad that i am utterly fuckin infatuated with, went to bed before me with the expectation i'd be alr on me own for a bit, n i feel bad that i wasn't. worried he'll skip out on sleep for me, i don't wanna fuck him up n make him sleep deprived, specially since he feels like shit when he doesn't get enough sleep.
eatin worries've been naggin at me too, not too bad but someone triggered me TWICE in ONE DAY and i hardly ate that day, still tryna rebound from that one, aye. never had anorexia or bulimia, got close, though (started purgin n calorie countin n all that shit but stopped because of a sudden interest in mma thanks to me bf)
not gonna ctb just yet, i promised him i wouldn't, aye, it just be on me mind.
all i hope is that when i kick the bucket, whether it be me own hand, a freak accident, or somethin natural, that i be remembered somehow. i know a lot of folks here just wanna be forgotten, but if i have to be honest, i hate the idea of information being lost in general. i have an obsession with archiving me own stuff, results in hoarder behavior, keeping wips of art and music i've never finished, n even photographing n savin pics o me own s/h-
was expectin this to be a shorter post but i guess me hands said otherwise today. good night, lads, n best o luck!
