Venting Not even survivable?

[EternalShore]

Alright, I finally accepted that my life was rigged from the start to be absolutely awful in so many ways. but if that's true, then why live? The last 5 years, I've done basically everything I can to avoid suffering. Now, I should point out that I did have a goal, and I have tried to achieve it, but as I've pointed out myself, even if I did achieve that very lofty and improbable goal (for me, at least), it wouldn't even make life good, it'd make it survivable. It's not even what I actually want but knowing how straight-up impossible or improbable what I want really is, then it's the only thing I can aim for. It'd take a literal miracle for my life to actually end up good, something which God has been very keen on not doing recently. :/ And especially not for me!
So if my best case scenario is living a survivable life, then why the actual heck do I still choose to keep on living? Nothing will be good again. Nothing will be pleasant again. All I'm doing is merely trying to avoid pain and all those stupid expectations that I was born with and absolutely vociferously despise with all these distractions and hopes.

 

[Terranova]

Alright, I finally accepted that my life was rigged from the start to be absolutely awful in so many ways. but if that's true, then why live? The last 5 years, I've done basically everything I can to avoid suffering. Now, I should point out that I did have a goal, and I have tried to achieve it, but as I've pointed out myself, even if I did achieve that very lofty and improbable goal (for me, at least), it wouldn't even make life good, it'd make it survivable. It's not even what I actually want but knowing how straight-up impossible or improbable what I want really is, then it's the only thing I can aim for. It'd take a literal miracle for my life to actually end up good, something which God has been very keen on not doing recently. :/ And especially not for me!
So if my best case scenario is living a survivable life, then why the actual heck do I still choose to keep on living? Nothing will be good again. Nothing will be pleasant again. All I'm doing is merely trying to avoid pain and all those stupid expectations that I was born with and absolutely vociferously despise with all these distractions and hopes.

kinda feel this, but i dont think anything is achievable for me, for a bunch of reasons, seems to me anything i do is bound to fail bcs no matter how hard i try, the "best" i can give is never enough, asw as subpar compared to what seems like everyone, wich is fucked bcs as a child i was always told anything i would touch would break, and it disgusts me deeply to have them be correct

 

[Disappointered]

There is no good purpose to any of this. We should give ourselves permission to end it.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I can definitely relate to this.
I'm beyond hoping, or caring anymore.
I was cursed from birth and life has continuously kicked me in the guts from no logical reason.
Everything goes wrong the moment it begins to go right, as though some unseen force is fucking with me.
I want nothing more from this life.
No more hoping or dreaming ever again.

 

[KSZ]

I hope you find peace in the afterlife, my dear friend. I can relate to you, as I have been diagnosed with multiple disorders, my life has been nothing but living hell for me. All of my friends bullied me, no one ever loved me.

 

[EternalShore]

kinda feel this, but i dont think anything is achievable for me, for a bunch of reasons, seems to me anything i do is bound to fail bcs no matter how hard i try, the "best" i can give is never enough, asw as subpar compared to what seems like everyone, wich is fucked bcs as a child i was always told anything i would touch would break, and it disgusts me deeply to have them be correct

yeah :( I get what you're saying~ I'm good at some things, but the problem is that doesn't want to make me live any more Problem is that I'm both subpar at what I need to do to tolerate at life but also don't even want to do it~

I can definitely relate to this.
I'm beyond hoping, or caring anymore.
I was cursed from birth and life has continuously kicked me in the guts from no logical reason.
Everything goes wrong the moment it begins to go right, as though some unseen force is fucking with me.
I want nothing more from this life.
No more hoping or dreaming ever again.

yeah, hope is a curse that just keeps us alive tbh for no logical reason~ I am sorry that you have been cursed since birth tho. :( Sure, some things about me were definitely messed up since birth, but it took me a long time to realize it! lol. So I was happy once. :(

I hope you find peace in the afterlife, my dear friend. I can relate to you, as I have been diagnosed with multiple disorders, my life has been nothing but living hell for me. All of my friends bullied me, no one ever loved me.

yeah, thank you~ :) I can definitely relate. Life is hell.