Warning: potentially long rant/post ahead.
Do you ever feel like you just don't belong in this world - like something is just inherently wrong about you.
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations but I feel like I'm so alone. I don't have any real friends - I always have to initiate events despite the fact that I'm naturally introverted. I'm pretty sure if I lost my phone for a week, I would find no messages from anyone apart from my parents. With the current coronavirus situation, people are saying to look out for each other. Yet it's funny, not one of my friends has checked if I'm doing OK. I took two days off work to self reflect and think about what my goal is, what my purpose in life is and none of my friends (who work at the same company) noticed. In fact the funny thing is the only person to check up on me was my manager.
Needless to say, at 25, I've never been in a relationship in my life, never even held a girl's hand as corny as it sounds. The only reason I'm still alive is because my parents and music. I really really want to leave this world but I feel so ungrateful considering what my parents have given me. They are immigrants and came to the UK with virtually nothing and worked so hard so that I could have a "normal" comfortable life. I know my situation is not the worst, I am fortunate to have a stable job and I'm still relatively healthy physically but I don't see the point of continuing anymore.
I made a promise to myself after my first failed CTB attempt that I would give it another try - until my birthday (which is 3 months away). I tried CBT and going to the gym, the latter of which helped a bit but obviously now not really possible with all the gyms being closed. I ordered everything required for SN last month and it's all arrived, and I almost used it yesterday but restrained myself to see if anything changes til my birthday.
Not looking for responses - just needed to vent.
Do you ever feel like you just don't belong in this world - like something is just inherently wrong about you.
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations but I feel like I'm so alone. I don't have any real friends - I always have to initiate events despite the fact that I'm naturally introverted. I'm pretty sure if I lost my phone for a week, I would find no messages from anyone apart from my parents. With the current coronavirus situation, people are saying to look out for each other. Yet it's funny, not one of my friends has checked if I'm doing OK. I took two days off work to self reflect and think about what my goal is, what my purpose in life is and none of my friends (who work at the same company) noticed. In fact the funny thing is the only person to check up on me was my manager.
Needless to say, at 25, I've never been in a relationship in my life, never even held a girl's hand as corny as it sounds. The only reason I'm still alive is because my parents and music. I really really want to leave this world but I feel so ungrateful considering what my parents have given me. They are immigrants and came to the UK with virtually nothing and worked so hard so that I could have a "normal" comfortable life. I know my situation is not the worst, I am fortunate to have a stable job and I'm still relatively healthy physically but I don't see the point of continuing anymore.
I made a promise to myself after my first failed CTB attempt that I would give it another try - until my birthday (which is 3 months away). I tried CBT and going to the gym, the latter of which helped a bit but obviously now not really possible with all the gyms being closed. I ordered everything required for SN last month and it's all arrived, and I almost used it yesterday but restrained myself to see if anything changes til my birthday.
Not looking for responses - just needed to vent.
