Not being found - Aftermath

[Stan]

I'm afraid for confidentiality reasons, I can't go too deep into why I am posting this but felt I had to share the essence of it.

There have been a few times that I have seen members say that they are going to just disappear into a forest of go out to sea so they don't get disturbed or just don't care about their remains. I can tell you by one example that no matter how much you believe your family don't care, you may need to understand that this is your perception and maybe not the reality of things for close family or friends. I know for a fact that one member did this quite some time ago as I was in contact with them in pm. Told me their details to share their method with the board, but not to do it until I have seen their obituary in the local paper. Many weeks have passed, the member did not come back online again and no obituary posted so I decided to try and find out more about them. I found a 'Missing poster' listed and as of today, their family does not know what happened or where that person is. They are in agony over this as it has been well over a month now. Even today, they reposted the details of the person in the hope of jogging someone's memory.

If you are contemplating something similar, please please PLEASE consider the consequences for others. Do something to help people give a clue to where you are so they can get closure.

 

[Dubs]

I absolutely agree. In your position I think the ethical thing to do would be to come forward (potentially anonymously) to tell the family or law enforcement that the individual committed suicide in such a way as to not have their body found. It seems that would create the most "good" while not violating any reasonable privacy of the deceased person. In reality, once we die our desires no longer count. If/when I ctb I am leaving behind my will so to speak, but the desires of the living greatly overpower those of the dead.

 

[MissNietzsche]

I absolutely agree. In your position I think the ethical thing to do would be to come forward (potentially anonymously) to tell the family or law enforcement that the individual committed suicide in such a way as to not have their body found. It seems that would create the most "good" while not violating any reasonable privacy of the deceased person. In reality, once we die our desires no longer count. If/when I ctb I am leaving behind my will so to speak, but the desires of the living greatly overpower those of the dead.

I agree with this..and definitely anonymously.
Don't incriminate yourself though rip. You should probably say that "you aren't certain, but he said he was thinking of doing this blah blah blah, and I saw that he went missing so maybe he followed though on his plans?"

 

[Stan]

What you are both saying is absolutely correct. I can't go into the story but this person (can't assume it was male btw) did it for a very good reason. Logically I understand it which is why I continued to converse with them. But I cannot deny that I am struggling emotionally with it. However my personal decision is to allow that person's plans come to the full fruition that they were looking for. The post was about people doing this in general as i see it crop up a few times, it's more to let people know that there is an impact regardless of how alone you feel.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

I'm one of the ones that's said I will go into the woods, when I decide to do it. Difference is, I know full well that my family has never cared and have no friends, so I'd be more of a blip on the radar.

But I fully agree with everything you stated in your OP @Stan. If there are those of us on this site that do have people that may need that closure, at least leave a note, delayed text/email.....something so that they can obtain it. I've, honestly, struggled with the idea of should I bother leaving them any hints, since they've not once in my life, ever showed they care or bothered even checking on me and even them going so far as to shrug me off or even laugh in my face. But, still might give them at least closure, which is more than any have done for me.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

In your position I think the ethical thing to do would be to come forward (potentially anonymously) to tell the family or law enforcement that the individual committed suicide in such a way as to not have their body found. It seems that would create the most "good" while not violating any reasonable privacy of the deceased person

@Stan

This post really angers me. I think you need to respect the person's wishes and mind your business. If the person wanted their family to know they would know. Its no different than a pro-lifer thinking they are doing good by saving some poor mentally ill person. It is not your job to be a white knight.

Family dynamics are complicated. Just because the family is posting stuff on the side of a milk carton or wherever else doesnt mean they truly gave 2 f*cks. People who give two f*cks would know what happened and would know that the person was was suffering.

As someone who plans to go anonymously, this chit pisses me the f*ck off! Of course some a$$hole in my family would post something when they cant get a hold of me but where the f*ck were they the entire 3-5 years before when chit hit the fan??

 

[Stan]

@Stan

This post really angers me. I think you need to respect the person's wishes and mind your business. If the person wanted their family to know they would know. Its no different than a pro-lifer thinking they are doing good by saving some poor mentally ill person. It is not your job to be a white knight.

Family dynamics are complicated. Just because the family is posting stuff on the side of a milk carton or wherever else doesnt mean they truly gave 2 f*cks. People who give two f*cks would know what happened and would know that the person was was suffering.

As someone who plans to go anonymously, this chit pisses me the f*ck off! Of course some a$$hole in my family would post something when they cant get a hold of me but where the f*ck were they the entire 3-5 years before when chit hit the fan??

I am not sure where your anger comes from, me or the quote you copied in?

My post had to use an example to say it happens. I said in my follow up post that i would not betray the confidence put in me even though it is a struggle. My sole aim was to let members know that just disappearing does have an impact and to consider it.

 

[SinisterKid]

After having a partner find me, collapsed on the floor of our home, unconscious, and now knowing how badly that affected her, there is no way on earth I will put her through that again. So for me, its off somewhere very secluded, where hopefully I wont be discovered for a good long time and make my exit. I might leave her a clue of the general location, but I have a feeling she will know anyway when she finds I am not at home.

So I do indeed see the dilemma, its one that we will all face at some point and we will all deal with it in our own way. No way is right, no way is wrong, it is down to each individual to search their own conscience about the effects on others their actions may or may not cause.

Personally Stan, I would not put another member here in the position you find yourself in, I think it unfair to expect anyone to have to deal with my crap.

 

[MissNietzsche]

What you are both saying is absolutely correct. I can't go into the story but this person (can't assume it was male btw) did it for a very good reason. Logically I understand it which is why I continued to converse with them. But I cannot deny that I am struggling emotionally with it. However my personal decision is to allow that person's plans come to the full fruition that they were looking for. The post was about people doing this in general as i see it crop up a few times, it's more to let people know that there is an impact regardless of how alone you feel.

I respect that/your decision

@Stan

This post really angers me. I think you need to respect the person's wishes and mind your business. If the person wanted their family to know they would know. Its no different than a pro-lifer thinking they are doing good by saving some poor mentally ill person. It is not your job to be a white knight.

Family dynamics are complicated. Just because the family is posting stuff on the side of a milk carton or wherever else doesnt mean they truly gave 2 f*cks. People who give two f*cks would know what happened and would know that the person was was suffering.

As someone who plans to go anonymously, this chit pisses me the f*ck off! Of course some a$$hole in my family would post something when they cant get a hold of me but where the f*ck were they the entire 3-5 years before when chit hit the fan??

bruh, chill.

the only reason I agreed with this comment is because, due to the mentioning of the obituary, I thought the guy that ctb'ed *wanted* his family to find out eventually. I think that's where the confusion laid with the other chick as well. If I knew the dude didn't want his family to know, I would agree with that too. It just wasn't clear in the OP

After having a partner find me, collapsed on the floor of our home, unconscious, and now knowing how badly that affected her, there is no way on earth I will put her through that again. So for me, its off somewhere very secluded, where hopefully I wont be discovered for a good long time and make my exit. I might leave her a clue of the general location, but I have a feeling she will know anyway when she finds I am not at home.

So I do indeed see the dilemma, its one that we will all face at some point and we will all deal with it in our own way. No way is right, no way is wrong, it is down to each individual to search their own conscience about the effects on others their actions may or may not cause.

Personally Stan, I would not put another member here in the position you find yourself in, I think it unfair to expect anyone to have to deal with my crap.

I agree..it's so much responsibility on him. I feel bad for him.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I am not sure where your anger comes from, me or the quote you copied in?

My post had to use an example to say it happens. I said in my follow up post that i would not betray the confidence put in me even though it is a struggle. My sole aim was to let members know that just disappearing does have an impact and to consider it.

As a note I typically react to ideas, not people per say unless a person does something specific to me.

I saw your follow-up post.

Frankly it annoys me when people equate something like the family posting and / or looking for the person as evidence of caring. It's normal and humane for the majority of sane human beings to report someone they think is missing. Just because they are sane / humane *does not* mean they care.

And for those who would breach someones confidence (not saying you would @Stan) to report it to the family--based on your opinion of how much that person's family cares (due to the families expressed reactions)--I find that quite disrespectful. Your opinion of their situation is not valid. I would think that person's lifetime of experience is wayyy more credible than the few moments / posts / reactions that you've witnessed. Everyone knows someone who wails at funerals then 4 days later they're back posting on IG unbothered.

People always miss people when go. How about when they are here??? Let 'em suffer if they are so bothered!!!

bruh, chill.

I'm NOT your "bruh". Please dont address me as such. I'm a grown woman.

 

[MissNietzsche]

As a note I typically react to ideas, not people per say unless a person does something specific to me.

I saw your follow-up post.

Frankly it annoys me when people equate something like the family posting and / or looking for the person as evidence of caring. It's normal and humane for the majority of sane human beings to report someone they think is missing. Just because they are sane / humane *does not* mean they care.

And for those who would breach someones confidence (not saying you would @Stan) to report it to the family--based on your opinion of how much that person's family cares (due to the families expressed reactions)--I find that quite disrespectful. Your opinion of their situation is not valid. I would think that person's lifetime of experience is wayyy more credible than the few moments / posts / reactions that you've witnessed. Everyone knows someone who wails at funerals then 4 days later they're back posting on IG unbothered.

People always miss people when go. How about when they are here??? Let 'em suffer if they are so bothered!!!

lmao, your cynical and pessimistic views are gifting me with motivation to ctb :D

 

[Stan]

THIS SHOULD NOT TURN INTO A FLARE UP PLEASE!

If the message gets drowned out for no reason then the thread gets shut down and instead of it being a thread that meant to invoke some thought becomes a slanging match then I would be hugely disappointed. There is no reason for this to become controversial. Its either you think about it - or you don't. My personal position is neither here nor there in context to the larger thought. You can agree or disagree with my decision. Be angry or supportive of me, down to you, but lets not get off topic.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Stan was trying to make a point for others to at least think about what they're doing and the impact. I fully intend to vanish, myself, but still had enough decency to see what they were trying to say, just as I resonate with your feelings on the matter. I, too, have no one that'd give a flying fuck about me and if they suddenly do when I'm gone, it's too little too late.

Doesn't mean you have to be an ass for Stan putting a message out that MAY benefit others. Not to create a damn argument over semantics.

 

[Dubs]

As a note I typically react to ideas, not people per say unless a person does something specific to me.

I saw your follow-up post.

Frankly it annoys me when people equate something like the family posting and / or looking for the person as evidence of caring. It's normal and humane for the majority of sane human beings to report someone they think is missing. Just because they are sane / humane *does not* mean they care.

And for those who would breach someones confidence (not saying you would @Stan) to report it to the family--based on your opinion of how much that person's family cares (due to the families expressed reactions)--I find that quite disrespectful. Your opinion of their situation is not valid. I would think that person's lifetime of experience is wayyy more credible than the few moments / posts / reactions that you've witnessed. Everyone knows someone who wails at funerals then 4 days later they're back posting on IG unbothered.

People always miss people when go. How about when they are here??? Let 'em suffer if they are so bothered!!!






I'm NOT your "bruh". Please dont address me as such. I'm a grown woman.

You're complaining about Stan making judgments of this person based upon limited history, but ironically you're making judgments on what Stan knows of this person and their situation. You and I don't know what he knows, so all we can do it give him advice based on our limited knowledge. He might have an iron clad reason not to breach their privacy, or maybe the person was acting irrational or disturbed which would give legitimacy to the possibility of him sending some information to the family. Regardless, for whatever reasons, this person confided in "Stan" and not "LMFAO FOCKERS", and this gives him the final decision.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

but ironically you're making judgments on what Stan knows of this person and their situation.

If you think you know someone after being on a suicide board with them then you are delusional. Most people are married for 5 years and still dont know their partners. If they met on a suicide board and the person had to give him info then he does NOT know the person...plain and simple.



EDIT:

​

Regardless, for whatever reasons, this person confided in "Stan" and not "LMFAO FOCKERS", and this gives him the final decision.​

​

​

LMFAO--I also have the right to give my opinion. Its a discussion board and you posted something for responses. The problem is that everyone here expects everyone to agree. So that life remains "rosey" on the forum.

 

[MissNietzsche]

THIS SHOULD NOT TURN INTO A FLARE UP PLEASE!

If the message gets drowned out for no reason then the thread gets shut down and instead of it being a thread that meant to invoke some thought becomes a slanging match then I would be hugely disappointed. There is no reason for this to become controversial. Its either you think about it - or you don't. My personal position is neither here nor there in context to the larger thought. You can agree or disagree with my decision. Be angry or supportive of me, down to you, but lets not get off topic.

I mean, you do have an opinion... "If you are contemplating something similar, please please PLEASE consider the consequences for others. Do something to help people give a clue to where you are so they can get closure." Why else would you write that?

 

[Stan]

To give some information (as I can't believe the example is the main focus rather than the principle), the person had zero malicious intent in regardswith what they did. Absolutely none.

I mean, you do have an opinion... "If you are contemplating something similar, please please PLEASE consider the consequences for others. Do something to help people give a clue to where you are so they can get closure." Why else would you write that?

I am asking people to consider. Not giving a directive. if they chose to go away somewhere then to give a clue to where they can be found. I purposely chose the wording

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

If you think you know someone after being on a suicide board with them then you are delusional. Most people are married for 5 years and still dont know their partners. If they met on a suicide board and the person had to give him info then he does NOT know the person...plain and simple.

Also straight and simple, the original post wasn't made FOR or TO you, so get a sandblaster out and remove all that sand you have wedged. For a 'grown woman', you sure as hell are acting like a child that had their candy taken from them.

My apologies to everyone, ahead of time if I took things far with this post, but tired of seeing this turn into a personal vendetta. I'm resuming my silence, after this.

 

[MissNietzsche]

To give some information (as I can't believe the example is the main focus rather than the principle), the person had zero malicious intent in regardswith what they did. Absolutely none.



I am asking people to consider. Not giving a directive. if they chose to go away somewhere then to give a clue to where they can be found. I purposely chose the wording

Your final sentence is a directive?

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

To give some information (as I can't believe the example is the main focus rather than the principle), the person had zero malicious intent in regardswith what they did. Absolutely none.



I am asking people to consider. Not giving a directive. if they chose to go away somewhere then to give a clue to where they can be found. I purposely chose the wording

Exactly this.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

My apologies to everyone, ahead of time if I took things far with this post, but tired of seeing this turn into a personal vendetta. I'm resuming my silence, after this.

You're lame. I'm conveying an opinion. Its for the OP to respond so that they can see the two sides. Grow up yourself and learn to see both sides.

Mind your business. Not sure why you are getting in on this. You must be bored.

 

[MissNietzsche]

LMFAO--I also have the right to give my opinion. Its a discussion board and you posted something for responses. The problem is that everyone here expects everyone to agree. So that life remains "rosey" on the forum.

Didn't you also do this? In particular, with regards to your initial response?

 

[Stan]

Ok, well I don't know where we ar going with this now. It's either a thought to consider, an english grammatical lesson or a good old fashioned flare up. I gave an example of what could happen if you just disappear, some thoughts and opinions came back which is what this forum is all about.

So I am tapping out of this one. As much as I enjoy a little tussle every now and then, I don't see the point in this one as there are no winners or losers apart from the art of debate.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Didn't you also do this? In particular, with regards to your initial response?

No. I didnt I gave an alternate opinion based on the facts he presented; which would lead a person to consider whether it is their duty to make a decision based on the person's wishes or their own views. Simple as that. If you have another perception of my message then thats your problem not mine.

Ok, well I don't know where we ar going with this now. It's either a thought to consider, an english grammatical lesson or a good old fashioned flare up. I gave an example of what could happen if you just disappear, some thoughts and opinions came back which is what this forum is all about.

You should also assume that if the person makes this request of you then they have considered the facts. As such respect the persons wishes not your own.

My stance is to reinforce the persons right, similar to reinforcing their right to suicide. You people are so passionate about personal suicide rights then look the other way when its other choices. I'm saying be consistent on respecting everyones right to die as they wish.

End of story.