Not allowed to live...not allowed to die. People are evil and selfish.

[oopswronglife]

I feel trapped. Nothing I can say hasn't been said before. No problems I have are new. But I am me...and I suffer my pain. Most people are terrible, selfish, egoists. When your life is normal you can avoid them as much as possible. When you need help and require people to do things you have no choice.

I tried to kill myself. Not to "hurt myself" as that stupid question goes, but to STOP the hurting. I was not allowed. I was "saved" against my documented wishes. My gold standard method failed and I don't know why. Was it bad? Too old? Did I not ingest it all? It's all speculation. All I know is I was forced back into the world against my will by a cruel system that locked me up and treated me terribly, left me with more pain and disability which it refuses to treat, and now I have even more desperation and less resources in all ways. People went from treating me like they cared for all of about a week...to slowly showing resentment...to outright hostility...to abandonment all in a few weeks.

They know why I tried to end my life. I have been telling people why for over a decade. Medical mistakes, severe pain, denials by all Murica's systems, abandonment by most family, abuse by the remaining ones, lies and denial by the medical system. They know what I need to live and will not give it or allow it. They tell me I have to find it magically somehow. I try to find ways to live and to die and they take, prohibit, prevent all. They blame "my attitude" or depression/anxiety instead of acknowledging those things are not causes, but effects. They care about their own liability and egos and authority and pretend it's about right and wrong, life, ethics.

I want in or out. But they forcibly keep me in painful purgatory whilst claiming I am the cause, problem, not doing what needs to be done. I AM the victim. Not them. But everything is about them. Not me. I am invalidated, blamed, refuted, debated, argued, denied. I am not treated like a victim. I am treated like I am victimizing.

I feel trapped. All I have left are desperate, dangerous, oft failing methods. The meddling "authorities" intervene and block attempts to obtain more choices. They won't help me live. They won't allow me to die.

"Do you think about hurting yourself"

No you moron...none of us do. We think about ENDING the hurting.

"Do you want to not be here"

Of course I do not. Anyone in this pain wouldn't want to. YOU wouldn't want to. Stop asking me stupid shit designed to protect YOU and help ME. I did my part. I did the right thing and lived well. I helped others. I suffered a LONG time and was VERY strong. Where were you?

HELP ME! WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME? WHY WON'T YOU ALLOW ME PEACE IF NOT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU EVIL PEOPLE?

 

[RepressedMind]

Fuck, I can relate to you in some ways, the world can be a really cruel place and some people are just treated differently. People can be so seemingly uncaring and unsympatetic, but yet they can be very supportive and caring when it comes to another person. The world is too unfair The entire medical system in the USA seems to create more issues than it solves and I have already heard a lot of horror stories.

I hope that you someday find peace

 

[TheGoodGuy]

"Do you think about hurting yourself"

No you moron...none of us do. We think about ENDING the hurting.

"Do you want to not be here"

Of course I do not. Anyone in this pain wouldn't want to. YOU wouldn't want to. Stop asking me stupid shit designed to protect YOU and help ME. I did my part. I did the right thing and lived well. I helped others. I suffered a LONG time and was VERY strong. Where were you?

This is just perfectly said because we actual don´t want to hurt ourselves we want to end the hurting as you said but healthy happy people can get that through their heads.

And do I want to be here no I don´t wanna be here stuck in this flesh prison of a body with a dozen physical and mental problems where I never get a break it´s a constant battle. And like you I lived well or as I explained in my thread I lived a full life I actually lived more than well I had an wonderful happy childhood and exciting teenage years but now stuck in this old body filled with physical and mental problems several which are chronical ones and being forced to waste my "life" on working it´s not for me that isn´t life there are too many responsibilities as an adult and I just want to go back to the carefree world of my youth back when I had friends and were living life to its fullest and living in the moment.

People just don´t get that adulthood isn´t for everyone but if you mention this you get called a man-child which I guess I am if it wasn´t for my apathy, anhedonia and lack of teenage hormones I would mentally be a teenager since adulthood for me is just too overwhelming and I don´t get people get so offended by people like me who just want to live a happy carefree and exciting life which many of us did throughout our childhoods and teenage years "you are supposed to grow up" we get told, why? Why is that? I don´t want to have a wife and kids (I want to be a kid) I already lived a full life even and if I was healthy I don´t want to "live" with all these responsibilities and spend most of my life working at a job I don´t care about I rather kill myself because that isn´t life; Childhood and teenage years are living, adulthood is just existing.

And your title is also so true, as I said even if I was healthy I don´t want to work so even if that was my only reason for wanting to kill myself then I am not allowed to yet I need money to exist and how do you get that? By working. So governments must make up their damn minds let people kill themselves or give them money to try and cope with life.

 

[rhiino]

Everything you wrote is so relatable for me, it is like I had written it myself. I do not know what's wrong with the people. The system is awful. What was your "gold standard" that failed, SN?

 

[Istanbulite]

I feel trapped. Nothing I can say hasn't been said before. No problems I have are new. But I am me...and I suffer my pain. Most people are terrible, selfish, egoists. When your life is normal you can avoid them as much as possible. When you need help and require people to do things you have no choice.

I tried to kill myself. Not to "hurt myself" as that stupid question goes, but to STOP the hurting. I was not allowed. I was "saved" against my documented wishes. My gold standard method failed and I don't know why. Was it bad? Too old? Did I not ingest it all? It's all speculation. All I know is I was forced back into the world against my will by a cruel system that locked me up and treated me terribly, left me with more pain and disability which it refuses to treat, and now I have even more desperation and less resources in all ways. People went from treating me like they cared for all of about a week...to slowly showing resentment...to outright hostility...to abandonment all in a few weeks.

They know why I tried to end my life. I have been telling people why for over a decade. Medical mistakes, severe pain, denials by all Murica's systems, abandonment by most family, abuse by the remaining ones, lies and denial by the medical system. They know what I need to live and will not give it or allow it. They tell me I have to find it magically somehow. I try to find ways to live and to die and they take, prohibit, prevent all. They blame "my attitude" or depression/anxiety instead of acknowledging those things are not causes, but effects. They care about their own liability and egos and authority and pretend it's about right and wrong, life, ethics.

I want in or out. But they forcibly keep me in painful purgatory whilst claiming I am the cause, problem, not doing what needs to be done. I AM the victim. Not them. But everything is about them. Not me. I am invalidated, blamed, refuted, debated, argued, denied. I am not treated like a victim. I am treated like I am victimizing.

I feel trapped. All I have left are desperate, dangerous, oft failing methods. The meddling "authorities" intervene and block attempts to obtain more choices. They won't help me live. They won't allow me to die.

"Do you think about hurting yourself"

No you moron...none of us do. We think about ENDING the hurting.

"Do you want to not be here"

Of course I do not. Anyone in this pain wouldn't want to. YOU wouldn't want to. Stop asking me stupid shit designed to protect YOU and help ME. I did my part. I did the right thing and lived well. I helped others. I suffered a LONG time and was VERY strong. Where were you?

HELP ME! WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME? WHY WON'T YOU ALLOW ME PEACE IF NOT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU EVIL PEOPLE?

great post, *hug*

 

[Life interrupted]

I relate so much

 

[FuneralCry]

I do wish that we lived in a world where our right to die is respected. It is cruel to try and force people to live against their wishes. After all none of us asked to exist in the first place. We all deserve the option of a peaceful and reliable exit without having to worry about others interfering with our personal decision. It is such a horrible world we live in, and I agree that people are selfish.

 

[lofticries]

I feel this on a daily basis.