Venting Normies as Friends.

[Sherri]

Most of my friends from all over the world. That I met during work or just childhood friends have been a disappointment, the ones who say I since I've been sick, oh we will always be here for you, anything just call us or message us. I usually don't bother my friends anymore when I'm down cause I have you all here. But for the last 3 months I lost a lady that knew me as a baby, it all went well In the beginning, chatting here and there, she is retired. Suddenly read my messages as messenger would show me, I would write like 5 or 6 paragraphs and silent. One day I ask her, sorry but have the feeling that I'm bothering you. She replied the problem is not you, its me, I do "ghosting" members probably in America know what that means. I had no idea until I googled it. So `'ghosting" is when you read someone's message but don't bother to reply. I immediately told her, call me old fashion but "ghosting" to me it's just being plane rude, I might be struggling for something and you are reading and ignoring my messages. I went into revenge mode, I can be the best friend that someone can have, but when I feel someone has hurt me or deliberately ignored me on purpose by "ghosting" I said won't bother you again, a friendship since i was a kid, I called you mum many times how could you do this to me. Blocked her not to hear the reply. This week, a 17 year old friendship like sisters, I went to messenger, haven't spoke since Christmas and just said hi how are you? The reply was this, "oh (my real name") stop being such a drama queen,I don't have time to chit chat with you, and I was like excuse me? Why you saying that? I just said hello! I didn't wanna chit chat, I just said hello!!! and wish everything is ok!! I didn't wanna chit chat I'm not that type either. So again I went to revenge mode and said listen B, we were like sisters for years, I have no idea why you making all this fuss over a simple hello!!! And don't bother i won't say hello anymore, have a nice life, expected I'm sorry….NOTHING. These and much more "normie" friends I have are people who told me, I got your back, you are not alone, open your heart to me, which I never did cause I didn't want them to know how low was I. I wanted them to remember who I was, so counting last year and this year now I prob lost 5 friends that were like family to me. All because I said hello, all because they decide to "ghost" on me jeez I hate that word. Thank you if you read until now. I am literally running out of friends, except for my bf. And I guess that's all I need perhaps. Be careful with the people who will say I will always be there for you. Cause when they feel that you are weak and vulnerable they are the first ones to back stab you. I still can't get around my head that I lost a 17 year old sister like all because I saI'd " Hello Ally, how are you? Just wanted to say hi and send you a hug to you and your family"
Reply oh sherri stop being a drama queen I don't have time to hellos, or to chit chat, I didn't wanna chit chat, all I wanted was just to say hi, I'm thinking of you….some of you guys are are better than friends I've met for years, for decades. I won't message any more friend, Im thoughtful and say hi, guess k won't be doing that again cause….none of them is chasing me.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Its ok. We are your friends and speaking for myself I hope that I never disappoint you (again) to the best of my ability. We both know I already done it once

 

[Sherri]

Its ok. We are your friends and speaking for myself I hope that I never disappoint you (again) to the best of my ability. We both know I already done it once

No hard feelings. I love and admire you Snake. Means the world to me that you read my thread,

 

[Sanva]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were just being kind and caring and your friend decided to be an asshole for no reason. I hope you can find friends who actually appreciate you.

 

[noname223]

I have read everything. But I am not sure whether non-normies are the better friends. I have some pretty friendly normies as friends. It is good you have a partner who is supporting you.
I always found it weird. My sister has a bf but never found good friends. I have good friends but never found a partner. What do we learn children? Fuck this world we live in.

 

[whatevs]

I feel like you cannot really count on anybody at the end of the day. We are all on our own. And friendships seem to have an expiration date as well.

 

[Somber]

They sound like pretty shitty friends, if you ask me.

While you are always welcome here and many people here do mean well, it can't really substitute for a connection in person, can it?

A virtual hug is a poor alternative for a real one. But if life gives you lemons ...

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very disappointing, it is why I would rather stay away from them as then they cannot upset me. I am better off alone. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. I wish you the best.

 

[Lefty]

Sorry to hear that. Ghosting is too common these days. I've been ghosted many times. Its sad.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Never befriend a normie. They all behave this way or rather misbehave. They barely have convictions or passions about anything and that's how they coast through life under the guise and illusion that they have goals but they are as cookie cutter as can be.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

Your normie friends are probably not as normie (in the 'life is wonderful' sense) as you thought. Even if they're not very aware, it's pretty obvious that our societies are beginning to fly off the rails, and that's apparent everyone at some level in the 'news' and the bizarre behavior of those claiming to be our leaders.

The role of the internet in this phenomenon has not exactly been small either. Genuine friendships happen physically, in person, with shared experiences and reactions. Friendships with accounts on the internet don't replicate real friendships, imo. But we're also right on the verge of the age of the chatbot, if you've been following the GPT-3 stuff. Uncle Ted would be rolling in his grave if he were dead, but his 80th birthday is coming up on May 22nd. Poor guy saw too much with his IQ of 167.

I tend to think people had more long lasting friendships before the world went so nuts after computers and the internet were invented.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

Sorry that superficial sack of shit discarded you like trash.

Unfortunately, this demonstrates how transactional and conditional human interactions and relationships truly are. While the term "ghosting" is fairly new, the practice of silently withdrawing without clearly and honestly explaining one's motives has always occurred throughout human history and will continue in the future. Ghosting also exemplifies how cowardly the human species is towards the truth, including expressing it.

. . .it can't really substitute for a connection in person, can it?

A virtual hug is a poor alternative for a real one.

For some individuals, internet-based interactions and relationships can be just as, if not more fulfilling and meaningful than offline ones. One example applies to individuals with different communication styles and/or experience verbal communication difficulties (e.g. mutism, social phobia, social anxiety, slow(er) thought processing speed, auditory processing difficulties, deafness, ect.). For some individuals, real life interactions are significantly stressful, draining, and/or overwhelming for them. This is especially true for those with sensory issues like auditory, visual, tactile, and/or olfactory overstimulation. Internet-based interactions and relationships can also be indispensable for those with mobility issues, limited, or no reliable transportation options.

Briefly touching on your second quote, not everyone desires physical hugs, especially those who don't benefit from or take pleasure in human contact. Therefore, a virtual hug isn't always inferior to a "real" hug.

In short, not everyone's psychological, emotional, social, and/or communication needs align with the majority's standards. Blaming the internet for the myriad of social issues (or eradicating the internet) won't mitigate or solve them. The root cause is humans being the selfish, arrogant, greedy, cowardly, ignorant/stupid, shallow, selectively empathetic/unemphatic, duplicitous, incorrigible, and highly destructive species they truly are deep down inside.

Never befriend a normie. They all behave this way or rather misbehave. They barely have convictions or passions about anything and that's how they coast through life under the guise and illusion that they have goals but they are as cookie cutter as can be.

This reminds me of Harry MacDougall's quote from Outlaw Star: "Nothing good can ever come from staying with normal people." This quote is highly relatable to me since interacting with and even walking amongst humans, especially neurotypicals, is stifling, alienating, unrewarding, draining, overwhelming, and detrimental to me. Those things can and will drag you through the mud on the way to hell without batting an eyelash.

 

[OrcWitch]

People in general should be more careful with "I am always hear to listen", because in reality it's not something many of us can follow through with. It feels good in the moment saying those words but realistically we can only listen and help sometimes. I've been hurt by those words too during the lowest point in my life 4 years ago.

It sucks losing friends and drifting apart and getting ignored/ghosted. Especially when you go so far back like 17 years. I'm sorry.

 

[Mixo]

Sorry you are experiencing this. I can tell you're a loyal friend and loved one. I had to learn about conditionality of relationships the hard way when I made the mistake of telling people I was suicidal. It was like hitting a button that made everyone in my life disappear instantly and permanently.

With perhaps the exception of family (and even that is dubious for some people), most of the relationships and friendships in your life will be temporary and conditional. You would think that social media, texting, and messaging would make it much easier to stay in touch and maintain relationships indefinitely, but sadly, it's still humans behind our devices. And humans are simply limited. Coming to terms with this reality can be very hard.

At least you'll be stronger for this experience and you'll be better prepared emotionally for what can happen in the future with people. Managing expectations and keeping them very low has always helped me some, although life can still be lonely. I tell myself, "I will enjoy this interaction while it lasts" and hope it doesn't hurt too much when it ends at some point. Sounds fatalistic, but it keeps my emotions protected somewhat.

 

[Pluto]

I had a friendship of 29 years quite suddenly implode the other day. Same thing as your situation, we used to be like brothers. So he has a partner now, and I'm happy for him, but apparently that makes it impossible to keep his word and catch up even once per year? Even more insulting was a list of patently made-up excuses. Needless to say I'm doing everything I can to make new friends now.

 

[HappyForever?]

IMO normie friends are good for having fun together and nothing else. I never bother to connect with them. They just don't understand.

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were just being kind and caring and your friend decided to be an asshole for no reason. I hope you can find friends who actually appreciate you.

You know what , now I will close In my shell even more, I won't be sending any of them any more messages, rather talk with my family here. its true, I don't drink and club like I did 5 years ago, I grew up and depression hit me. The ones who say I will always need anything are the first ones to lay off. A simple hello…. didnt know it Was a bad word.

IMO normie friends are good for having fun together and nothing else. I never bother to connect with them. They just don't understand.

You are def right but me and her were like sisters, not drinking friends like sisters that's what hurts the most. A simple hi and she uses capital letters screaming at me. I hadn't said hello since Xmas on which I was also ignored. I dont hold grudges m I just delete and block and cherish the good memories,when she is old and i make it till then, that's when she will realise what she has done, elderly are always looking up old friends They once had. Hugs.

Sorry you are experiencing this. I can tell you're a loyal friend and loved one. I had to learn about conditionality of relationships the hard way when I made the mistake of telling people I was suicidal. It was like hitting a button that made everyone in my life disappear instantly and permanently.

With perhaps the exception of family (and even that is dubious for some people), most of the relationships and friendships in your life will be temporary and conditional. You would think that social media, texting, and messaging would make it much easier to stay in touch and maintain relationships indefinitely, but sadly, it's still humans behind our devices. And humans are simply limited. Coming to terms with this reality can be very hard.

At least you'll be stronger for this experience and you'll be better prepared emotionally for what can happen in the future with people. Managing expectations and keeping them very low has always helped me some, although life can still be lonely. I tell myself, "I will enjoy this interaction while it lasts" and hope it doesn't hurt too much when it ends at some point. Sounds fatalistic, but it keeps my emotions protected somewhat.

Thank you for your kind words, guess it does come with an expiry date, but I don't have family, I mean blood family. Decided to let them go, all they did was boss around my life and wanted to impose God on me. I'm the black sheep in the family. Hugs

I had a friendship of 29 years quite suddenly implode the other day. Same thing as your situation, we used to be like brothers. So he has a partner now, and I'm happy for him, but apparently that makes it impossible to keep his word and catch up even once per year? Even more insulting was a list of patently made-up excuses. Needless to say I'm doing everything I can to make new friends now.

im sorry that you experienced what I did, she is blocked and doesn't have my mail. Onde day she will come to her senses and reslise by the hundreds of pics we have together. Too late now. In this case I hold a grudge. You don't do that to someone because I cared and sent a simple hello. Chit chat she said, I don't do chit chat. Hugs sweetie, at least here no one can hurt us,

Never befriend a normie. They all behave this way or rather misbehave. They barely have convictions or passions about anything and that's how they coast through life under the guise and illusion that they have goals but they are as cookie cutter as can be.

The ting is I was a normie back then, it was when depression hit that I started to lose my friends one by one, snd i am in no way trying to act like s teenager. I'm talking 20 plus and 17 plus friendships. I better not write to the few I have left, wouldn' t like another answer like that. I know people are busy, so am i, but calling me names cause I said hello? Unreal. Hugs sweetie,

People can be very disappointing, it is why I would rather stay away from them as then they cannot upset me. I am better off alone. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. I wish you the best.

That's what I will do from now on, protect myself from going through the same, thank you for your kind words.

 

[gottago222]

im so sorry these so called friends treated you like this. there must be something in the water, or most humans are just insensitive and self absorbed. dont worry, they wont have many people around them now or in the future acting like this

 

[Sherri]

There was a time I had 900 plus Fakebook, friends, that's how I call it, I now have 63. 63!!!! I will not talk to any of them, had deleted my profile for a while, but having received such a "welcoming" from that "friend" deleted it. Guess you guys and my colleagues at work and my bf is all I have. Guess Im lucky after all.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

From my experience most friendships don't have a hard break-up but just a fading away. One that comes to mind for me was my very best friend for a long time, but our lives took different paths after school and the chances for interaction became more infrequent. Eventually they dropped off entirely and now it's been a decade since I've seen him. If I were to see him today I wouldn't know how to talk to him.

I'm sorry that you were treated that way by your friends. I'm sure they didn't really have anything against you but the feeling is akin to just running out of energy to talk to a certain person or feeling like there is an unbridgeable gap between you and them and they just couldn't muster the strength to overcome it. If friendships aren't routinely nurtured from the sense of camaraderie and mutual aid they will fizzle as they appear to be founded on ultimately selfish desires, which is understandable. If a human being gets the feeling that nothing can be gained from a relationship they will tend to want to let it go.

I thought Facebook only existed nowadays to complain about politics and feel bad about the state of the world. You're probably better off without that, in my opinion. And if you need friends we're all here for you, Friend Sherri.

 

[TooConscious]

That sounds harsh, cut loose, that makes me wonder, have you offended them where they feel you are draining their energy....
If not, then they are narcissistic and hoping you feel terrible therefore drawing your energy to put more parasitic vibes out into existence.

I struggle incredibly with depression but I no longer feel that sickening nauseated dread of emotional pain due to distancing myself from friends.
I still keep them if they want me but don't tie my life to theirs anymore.

They will often betray you, if not intentionally, by mistake, or are manipulated into doing so by evil forces. Or we will do that to them and then feel guilt ridden. And other people, they just love drama. That's this sick life, drama, drama. It's terrible it really is.

Loneliness, well being alone is the cost of peace of mind. Even then it's no guarantee.

Friends are hard work. My friend recently put it on me twice in a week to go and help him do some hard renovation on his house, that he damn well knew he was doing, not just an emergency which would be a different case.
But didn't have the respect to let me know and then Ignored me as I sent my wishes for 2022, but decides to ignore me, and I know what it is to try and insinuate I let him down when any other time anyone knows I'm always there if I can or will arrange a day if they pre warn me, that, like you was a 17+ year friendship from teenagers and it's a shame. But if people disrespect you like that you are saving your health.
I do agree, but then if you're someone who is genuinely housebound through severe disability then you're senses of other frequencies will be higher so you may get more of a connection compared to us apes