Normal people's lives are something so out of my reach

[miserabletires9]

These days, every time I go to my best friend's house, I feel happy and a deep sadness at the same time.

Happy that I get to see her, her family, and most of all, play with her two kids, who are still at an age that are clamouring to play with me.

Sadness is when I was helping her in the kitchen, and I see her kids playing with their Grandma, and they non stop giggling, and realizing that it's something that I will never have. My parents always wanted grandchildren. And it's something I have failed them. They would be envious watching my best friend's parents playing with their grandchildren.

And I will never experience in this life what it feels like having my own family. In this life, I can only come back to my own house and feel the absolute loneliness and quietness. The loneliness and the quietness is a gun, that kills me.
And today at Church, the pastor's sermon was about death. Most people afraid of death. But Christians shouldn't because Jesus has conquered the underworld and as long as we are believers, Christians would be exulted to heaven and have eternal life.

I am not afraid of death. I just wish God would let my soul wander this earth and haunt the people that has contributed to my deaths

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that loneliness is painful for many people but bringing life into this world is cruel and selfish anyway, it's just creating unnecessary problems and suffering, it's the compassionate thing to leave the nonexistent alone in peace and not bringing them into such a hellish and dangerous world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Rational man]

A very sad story of pain. It must be so difficult. I fail to see how you have failed your parents over the fact of not having your own children !?. Do you believe that ' god' has been unfair to you !?

 

[miserabletires9]

I get that loneliness is painful for many people but bringing life into this world is cruel and selfish anyway, it's just creating unnecessary problems and suffering, it's the compassionate thing to leave the nonexistent alone in peace and not bringing them into such a hellish and dangerous world. But anyway I wish you the best.

Although people like us see life as mostly.suffering, there are a good portion of people, like my friend here, who live life pretty happy.

Even the guy that pushed me over the edge, his motto on social media accounts is always "love life"... There are ppl who actually are happy to be alive

A very sad story of pain. It must be so difficult. I fail to see how you have failed your parents over the fact of not having your own children !?. Do you believe that ' god' has been unfair to you !?

My parents always envied other people around their age starting to have grandchildren. They want to have that joy like other ppl. And yet, their only child cannot give it to them.

God gives some, takes some. God has given me a sheltered life, a life without any financial worries that afforded me lots of travel since I was a baby. God has given me a few friends, but those are real friends that are there for me whenever I need them, although I have very little to give back.

But God has messed me up emotionally by not having that secure emotional bonding with my parents. And plus, during my teenage years, I read great love stories like Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, and many Chinese martial art books where the male character would wait 16 years for the female character to return.

So when I grew up, I always looked for that non existent storybook great love in men that are just mostly trash. It's like somehow I thought that would make our love more beautiful. Which of course doesn't work in real world.

I saw a bit of movie about the life of Adele Hugo, the daughter of French writer Victor Hugo. I see a little bit of myself in her

Edit: I've had a couple good men that I think genuinely liked me. My only bf in my life, and the person before him. Buy my last two, took about 50% out of my life.

 

[OceanBlue]

It might be a relief if you see it this way - you not having children was the best thing that happened to them. They will never have needs and won't have to suffer and accept death. Kids are not a means to an end to make grandparents happy, they are not toys to play with - animals can be adopted instead in mutually beneficial way.

Sorry for feeling low, but not having kids is a blessing in any story.