KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,801
I wonder how anyone does it. Even your run of the mill normie, your average Joes and Joans, how on earth do they cope?
My existence is fundamentally incompatible with modern society and the intense social, cultural, and economic expectations that accompany it. I try so very very hard everday, but I genuinely am too disabled to survive long-term. Worst part is, I get absolutely no choice in this matter.
Even trying to don a mask is exhausting. Sometimes I think if I didn't have chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic pain, perhaps I could manage. Then I remember how fucked I am socially due to autism and ptsd as well. Being disabled truly is the bane of my existence, because everyone knows I cannot really function, yet refuses to help me.
I can't get disability benefits. Every government in the world wants sick and disabled people to be poor for life. Sure you may have weeded out a handful of fraudsters and fakers by introducing such strict criteria, but at the same time, the blatant idiocy and greed has ruined the lives of thousands of disabled people by entrenching them in poverty- or in my case, force you to work until you keep getting fired or drop dead.
I have tried my whole life to overcome what I've been dealt. It gets to a point where your body is just so broken you want to scream and cry. Socialising drains me. Washing dishes for 10 minutes drains me. Cooking drains me. I have to sit in between the steps of making the bed, because I get knackered and sore.
Today I persisted in all of my mandatory uni meetings, and I genuinely got a pounding headache after 3 hours of forced socialisation. I am that tired. Because my boyfriend still won't commit to helping me, I've been searching for low stress remote work. Even having a job interview left me feeling like I'd just been hit by a bus, because of all the efforts and energy that is expended simply by staying awake, conversing, and having to make appearances.
Even if I don't ctb I am probably going to die eventually due to stress of trying to force myself into doing things that are unfeasible for a disabled person of my caliber. One of the most pernicious aspects of this world, is how people justify suffering and try to call someone lazy when they cannot check off every single bullet point off the life script. They say this is simply how life is.
Yet, how do they not see what a scam this is? How do they not feel fatigue and malaise seeing all the suffering in the world? Lots of virtue signallers claim to care about the disabled but don't know a damn thing about what sort of help we actually need. The help that's available isn't really help.
How can people seriously enjoy "normal life?" Does the faking of a presentable personality and hiding one's pain all the time not grate at the soul?
My existence is fundamentally incompatible with modern society and the intense social, cultural, and economic expectations that accompany it. I try so very very hard everday, but I genuinely am too disabled to survive long-term. Worst part is, I get absolutely no choice in this matter.
Even trying to don a mask is exhausting. Sometimes I think if I didn't have chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic pain, perhaps I could manage. Then I remember how fucked I am socially due to autism and ptsd as well. Being disabled truly is the bane of my existence, because everyone knows I cannot really function, yet refuses to help me.
I can't get disability benefits. Every government in the world wants sick and disabled people to be poor for life. Sure you may have weeded out a handful of fraudsters and fakers by introducing such strict criteria, but at the same time, the blatant idiocy and greed has ruined the lives of thousands of disabled people by entrenching them in poverty- or in my case, force you to work until you keep getting fired or drop dead.
I have tried my whole life to overcome what I've been dealt. It gets to a point where your body is just so broken you want to scream and cry. Socialising drains me. Washing dishes for 10 minutes drains me. Cooking drains me. I have to sit in between the steps of making the bed, because I get knackered and sore.
Today I persisted in all of my mandatory uni meetings, and I genuinely got a pounding headache after 3 hours of forced socialisation. I am that tired. Because my boyfriend still won't commit to helping me, I've been searching for low stress remote work. Even having a job interview left me feeling like I'd just been hit by a bus, because of all the efforts and energy that is expended simply by staying awake, conversing, and having to make appearances.
Even if I don't ctb I am probably going to die eventually due to stress of trying to force myself into doing things that are unfeasible for a disabled person of my caliber. One of the most pernicious aspects of this world, is how people justify suffering and try to call someone lazy when they cannot check off every single bullet point off the life script. They say this is simply how life is.
Yet, how do they not see what a scam this is? How do they not feel fatigue and malaise seeing all the suffering in the world? Lots of virtue signallers claim to care about the disabled but don't know a damn thing about what sort of help we actually need. The help that's available isn't really help.
How can people seriously enjoy "normal life?" Does the faking of a presentable personality and hiding one's pain all the time not grate at the soul?
