Nobody wants to be with someone who has baggage and doesn’t want to “heal”

[Water-Lily]

I have an extensive trauma history. Experiences so severe I don't even want to deal/face things in therapy

I also feel I owe people a revelation into my trauma story but that's a different conversation

Point being is that I see everyone around me who is in healthy relationships as being "better" than

Becuase they are able to be emotionally healthy enough to connect with someone and be vulnerable in a healthy way to accept and receive love

They probably either don't have a severe trauma history they have to heal from, or had severe trauma but put in the work

I'm tired of putting in the work. And as I am, no one would want to get involved with a suicidal waste of depression

And if I don't plan to work on myself, I can count myself out of "love" for damn near the rest of my life

Maybe if I kill myself now I can spare myself suffering a miserable life that won't get better

 

[sayire]

tough situation.... difficult to say without knowing how old you are and extent of trauma.

general answer is, you can work it out over time.

 

[Water-Lily]

tough situation.... difficult to say without knowing how old you are and extent of trauma.

general answer is, you can work it out over time.

But I don't want to

I'm 25. I know I'm "young" but if I die now I prevent my life from getting worse

Just because you get older doesn't mean things get better. For many, the older you get it gets worse

 

[sayire]

yes adulting is tough even after having normal childhood. I can only guess adulting is tough after having trauma childhood.

yes nobody wants to deal with some one who does not want to heal. yes you are relatively young. it is not going to be a walk in the part adulting and it only gets tougher after some age. I do not think that is 25 though.

I sincerely wish you the best

 

[Water-Lily]

yes adulting is tough even after having normal childhood. I can only guess adulting is tough after having trauma childhood.

yes nobody wants to deal with some one who does not want to heal. yes you are relatively young. it is not going to be a walk in the part adulting and it only gets tougher after some age. I do not think that is 25 though.

I sincerely wish you the best

believe me people with normal childhood have life easy. They don't struggle

 

[sayire]

true (mostly), but we are talking about your life for whatever it is.

 

[Water-Lily]

true (mostly), but we are talking about your life for whatever it is.

Right. All I wanted was an untraumatized life. But I suffered

So I'd rather die now than to live with damage

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm tired of putting in the work. And as I am, no one would want to get involved with a suicidal waste of depression

And if I don't plan to work on myself, I can count myself out of "love" for damn near the rest of my life

We can't work on ourselves endlessly without a break, but we're often expected to.I think one of the hardest things about depression is being on the receiving end of the frustration others show in response to us just being present with what we're experiencing.

 

[Water-Lily]

We can't work on ourselves endlessly without a break, but we're often expected to.I think one of the hardest things about depression is being on the receiving end of the frustration others show in response to us just being present with what we're experiencing.

And if you take a break from "healing" you're shamed for it

I just think it's sick how we gotta do all this shit but the people responsible for hurting us gets a pass and sympathy

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yeah, people are getting just about sick of me. They put in some effort hoping is was a temporary thing but its becoming clear I'm just a burden.

Though I would warn you against saying people with untraumatizing childhoods have life on easy mode. You never know someones struggle. Lots of peoples mental illnesses start in their adulthood.

 

[NambaSutra]

Same problem but I'm almost 50. Stupid trauma, stupid damaged brain. Bad news it can keep getting worse with age, I'm living proof.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Same problem but I'm almost 50. Stupid trauma, stupid damaged brain. Bad news it can keep getting worse with age, I'm living proof.

I'm in the same age range and yeah... living in a body this age and not having a similar life or mentality to others our age is so isolating and stigmatized.