My therapist and the crisis hotline I called both threatened to call the police if I said anything serious. I had to lie and end the conversation so I wouldn't get the police called on me. I have a bag of SN, two cups, and a Brita filter full of water right next to me and I want to be able to share that with someone to get some help.
Maybe not outright help but like some advice at least. I just want to talk but there's nobody to listen. I am less than 48 hours away from an attempt and there's just nobody.
If I told someone this, and they gave me advice on what to do to live, I might be alive in a week. But I can't say anything, so die alone I will.
Can't trust anyone. Even a friend might tell someone and get my sn taken away, which is super comforting right now. It's like my way out. I have it carefully wrapped in a towel in a secure location.
But I get it. Anyone would carry the burden of "knowing" before I ctb. People would blame them, and it would be their fault for not stopping me in some way.
Maybe not outright help but like some advice at least. I just want to talk but there's nobody to listen. I am less than 48 hours away from an attempt and there's just nobody.
If I told someone this, and they gave me advice on what to do to live, I might be alive in a week. But I can't say anything, so die alone I will.
Can't trust anyone. Even a friend might tell someone and get my sn taken away, which is super comforting right now. It's like my way out. I have it carefully wrapped in a towel in a secure location.
But I get it. Anyone would carry the burden of "knowing" before I ctb. People would blame them, and it would be their fault for not stopping me in some way.
I know others have offered but feel free to hop in my dms as well 
I'm about to go to sleep but I can talk tomorrow
